Gary the Gargoyle Reveals His Secret Identity as a Life Coach to Struggling Superheroes

Have you ever had one of those moments when a good friend tells you a secret, and you realize that you didn’t know that person as well as you’d thought?  That happened to me last night up on the roof of The House on the Hill.

As I mentioned in my previous post, it had been a rough day because of Seamus the Leprechaun’s tale of the cruel hoax that had broken his little heart.  Even after Seamus had gone on his way, the black clouds lingered.  I tried to distract myself with a movie, but Iron Man 2 just wasn’t doing it for me.  I knew I needed to clear my head, so I headed up to the roof.  It was a chilly Maine night, but my mind was racing and I hoped that the cool temperatures would slow down the revving engine in my brain chamber.

I was also looking forward to talking to Gary, the ferociously loyal Gargoyle that had chosen to watch over my home and could always be counted on in a moment of crisis.  As I’d expected, Gary was perched at the far end of the roof.  If you’re new to this blog, you might want to read the first post I wrote about my winged friend (A Gargoyle’s Love Story)

“Rough night?” he asked in his gravelly voice.  I just nodded.  “That business about Seamus was a real shame. When the Aliens track down the bastards behind it, let me know so I can go along to help him get his revenge.”

We talked about Seamus’ woes for a little while.  “I assume that the further adventures of Tony Stark weren’t taking your mind off your problems,” Gary astutely observed and then noticed the surprise on my face.  “Gargoyles have very sensitive ears.  I can hear everything that goes on in the house.  That’s why I always go for a long fly when your Sweetie comes to visit.”  Gary winked at me and I could feel my cheeks flush.  I just hoped that The Girl Who Owns My Heart didn’t get too embarrassed when she read that bit of information.

We talked about Iron Man, Superheroes, and super powers for a while, and that was when Gary made his big reveal.  “I’ve never told you this, Austin, but when I’m not watching over The House on the Hill, I actually work with Superheroes.”

I stared at Gary for the longest time, unsure if he was being serious or just yanking my toga.  As he’s always got that stone faced look going on, I can never read him (hence my refusal to ever play cards with him!).

“Seriously,” he assured me upon seeing my confusions.  “Gargoyles as perfect Life Coaches for Superheroes.  We have many of the same powers and problems, so we understand them and know how to help them.”

Color me intrigued.  I had to know more about Gary’s secret life and his super powers.  “Obviously, I can fly.  I’m made of stone, which means I’m bulletproof and impervious to fire and pretty much any form of weaponry.  I’ve already told you about my super hearing, I have night vision, I’m incredibly strong, and I can speak and understand any language tossed at me.”

Wow!  There was so much I didn’t know about my friend on the roof.  So exactly what kind of work did he do with Superheroes?  “I can’t disclose any names,” he quickly explained, so maybe he also had the ability to read minds because that was going to be my next question. “Superheroes have the most stressful jobs on the planet after air traffic controllers and stay at home mothers.  They have to keep their identities and problems a secret, so stress just builds up inside of them and leads to some serious psychological issues.  It’s bad enough that the fate of the world often rests on their shoulders, but now they’ve also got personal problems and no outlet.  They’re ticking spandex time bombs.  My job is to defuse them.”

Over the next hour, Gary told me about his work without violating any confidentiality.  I’d never given much thought to the plight of a Superhero.  They pretty much all have serious stalker issues.  There’s always one person, an arch-nemesis, trying to kill them, and not being at all subtle about it.  It’s not like a Superhero can get a restraining order or go to the police for help.  They’ve got to deal with this psycho and keep everyone else safe.  Who’s watching out for the poor Superheroes?

My buddy Gary is.  Right now, he’s got a client in a safe house somewhere in Maine.  “The place is guarded around the clock by Gargoyles plus the local Aliens do constant flyovers for me,” Gary explained.  “My client is under strict orders to spend his time in Maine as his alter ego.  He’s forbidden to use any of his super powers, nor is he allowed to check the news to see if his services are needed.  For the next week, he is Joe Average, Maine tourist, out to see the sights, eat some lobster, and read a few Stephen King books.  When he leaves here, he will be as good as new and ready to save the world.”

Wow again!  No wonder Gary was so good at helping me with my issues.  I’m a mere mortal with basic, dorky problems.  That’s got to be child’s play for a decorated life coach to the world’s biggest heroes.

This was what I loved about Maine.  Not only did everyone have a story to tell, but that story was also so fantastic that it could be a hit movie or a bestselling novel.

I stayed up on the roof until the wee hours of the morning, totally oblivious to the rapidly falling temperatures and whatever worries had sent me to seek out Gary’s guidance.

I slept like a baby, and had wonderful dreams of flying around Maine on Gary’s back as he helped a well-known Superhero to overcome his fear fear of flying.

What do you think, Modern Philosophers?  Have you ever had a friend spring an amazing secret like that on you?  Do you have any friends who counsel Superheroes?  When the heck are you going to move to Maine and join in on all the fun?  There’s just way too much excitement up here for me to handle on my own…come be my sidekick!

I look forward to your replies.  I might even read them aloud so that Gary can hear them up on his perch and know what you’re saying about him…