Jack might be nimble, and he might also be quick, but he apparently isn’t much of a stretcher. It has just been announced that Jack, aka “Jack B. Nimble”, will not be competing in the Candlestick Jump tonight because of an unspecified groin injury suffered during warmups.
This Modern Philosopher was able to pull some strings and get access to the doctor treating the famous leaper, but the physician was not willing to go on the record with the extent of the injuries.
I did get a quick glimpse at Jack, however, and he was grimacing and holding an ice pack to his genital region. He gave me a quick thumbs up before his handlers slammed the locker room door in my face, catching my toga, and nearly ripping it in the process.
I consulted with one of my close friends in the medical field, Dr. Jekyll, who surmised that Jack had either strained or pulled his groin, and it was most likely the result of not having properly stretched. Mr. Hyde, Jekyll’s medical assistant, later added that some athletes, having become so comfortable with what they do, often forget about the importance of a good stretch.
Whispers around the locker room, however, tell a different story. Word is that Jack might’ve accidentally “roasted his chestnuts” (if you know what I mean!) after misjudging the height of the candle on his final practice leap.
Regardless, the world record holder in the Candlestick Jump will not be competing tonight. Disappointed fans will just have to root for someone else as tickets are nonrefundable.
I’ll keep you posted…
NUTS!
Well I hope Jack doesn’t put too much pressure on himself to rush back from injury. After a couple weeks of recovery time, if Jack’s eyes turn green, we know he’s gotten healing supplements from Dr. Bruce Banner …
Hmmmm….excellent point.
You Maine residents host the most interesting sporting events! I commend your creativity. Our sources of entertainment are much more humdrum down here.
We try not to be too dependent upon TV for entertainment. That way, we’re ready for the Robot Apocalypse…we’re not slave to the machines!
I’m Australian and ‘root’ means something different over here, but it would be an interesting twist to the sports injury.
I wondered how long it would be before all of that jumping would catch up to him. He is getting on in years, you know. Poor Jack.
It might be time to retire and go out on top…
Well, if need be, he can cool his chestnuts in the two feet if snow headed your way… hopefully it’s not too late- if he has future hopes for Kindernimbles….
At least the snow will serve some good purpose…
Be careful! Warm up the generator! Round up the penguins! You have my sympathy, sir. We’re going to get a bit of ice here in my part of Peeay, but that’s it.
We’ll survive. We always do. I bought some wine and cookies. Plan to calmly ride out the storm….
Hey, what could be healthier than having fruit (albeit, fermented fruit) with your cookies?
Maybe watching a sporting even while doing so?
Ice hockey?
all I could hear was “chestnuts roasting o’re an open fire, Jack Frost laughing his ass off…” lmao
Awesome.
Nothing worse than the smell of burning nuts…or pubes. Just saying.
Luckily, my nose was stuffed. Sometimes having a cold is a good thing!
hahaha!