Jack might be nimble, and he might also be quick, but he apparently isn’t much of a stretcher. It has just been announced that Jack, aka “Jack B. Nimble”, will not be competing in the Candlestick Jump tonight because of an unspecified groin injury suffered during warmups.
This Modern Philosopher was able to pull some strings and get access to the doctor treating the famous leaper, but the physician was not willing to go on the record with the extent of the injuries.
I did get a quick glimpse at Jack, however, and he was grimacing and holding an ice pack to his genital region. He gave me a quick thumbs up before his handlers slammed the locker room door in my face, catching my toga, and nearly ripping it in the process.
I consulted with one of my close friends in the medical field, Dr. Jekyll, who surmised that Jack had either strained or pulled his groin, and it was most likely the result of not having properly stretched. Mr. Hyde, Jekyll’s medical assistant, later added that some athletes, having become so comfortable with what they do, often forget about the importance of a good stretch.
Whispers around the locker room, however, tell a different story. Word is that Jack might’ve accidentally “roasted his chestnuts” (if you know what I mean!) after misjudging the height of the candle on his final practice leap.
Regardless, the world record holder in the Candlestick Jump will not be competing tonight. Disappointed fans will just have to root for someone else as tickets are nonrefundable.
I’ll keep you posted…