In a touching ceremony befitting both royalty and Valentine’s Day, The King & Queen of Hearts renewed their marriage vows today at Briarcliffe Abbey in Rockland, Maine. The ceremony was presided over by Cardinal Hoyle, who first married the couple when he was only a Monsignor. The Jack of Hearts stood in as the Best Man while the Queen of Diamonds served as the Maid of Honor.
Celebrity guests included Jack Skellington and Sally, Cupid, The Get Out of Jail Free Card, MasterCard, several Kardashians, members of the St. Louis and Arizona Cardinals, Gary Hart, and Queen Latifah.
One glaring absence was The Queen of Clubs, which only fueled suspicion that she has been having an affair with The King of Hearts. No one was willing to go all in with this Modern Philosopher on that topic, but a couple of the lesser cards were willing to deal from the bottom of the deck once I got them something to drink.
“They’re definitely creating a Royal Flush, if you know what I mean,” the Three of Spades told me after I got a couple of Bacardi and Clubs in him.
“They’re definitely quite a pair, two of a kind, get me?” the Four of Clubs offered after I bought him a Jack and Coke.
The reception was held at the nearby House of Carbs Pasta House. While there was plenty of buzz about one Queen’s absence, there was even more talk about how amazing another Queen looked in her wedding gown. “She really aced that look,” the Ten of Diamonds told me as he watched the bride cut the cake.
“This is the very same dress I wore when we were first married,” The Queen of Hearts later told me with a poker face. “I can’t believe it still fits after all these years. I must admit, my cheeks got a little flushed when I first put in on, but once we got zipper straight, I knew I’d been dealt a winning hand.”
Yes, that last quote was incredibly corny, but it’s her big day, so we’re all going to let her have it, okay?
The guests danced the night away to music provided by Heart, the Queen’s favorite band, and Kings of Leon, the King’s favorite band. There was also a talented all card Dire Straits cover band called Dire Straights.
It certainly was a very romantic way to spend Valentine’s Day, and this Modern Philosopher had a wonderful time (I’m game for any excuse to put on my formal toga).
What about you, Modern Philosophers? How did you spend your Valentine’s Day? Did you also get to attend a Royal Wedding? Did someone buy you chocolates? Did a surprise gift make you straight flush, if you know what I mean?
I’m not even sure if I know what I mean! Happy Valentine’s Day. Remember, love is fleeting, love is blind, but most of all love is out there if you just know where to look…