LOVE (Losers, Outsiders, Voyeurs & Eccentrics) is heading to your town. This national organization, which promotes a safe environment for creepy strangers to get together and make your life a little more unpleasant and weird, is growing by leaps and bounds. Valentine’s Day is their main recruiting day as they go out in search of people who feel lonely, depressed, forgotten, and unloved and promise them a fun life with others just like them.
Please be aware, Modern Philosophers, that LOVE is dangerous! LOVE doesn’t really care about you or the consequences of allowing it into your life. All LOVE wants is to be able to claim you, count you amongst its devoted followers, and then have the option to abandon you when it’s time to move on.
LOVE hurts! My sources tell me that the group’s initiation right rivals that of LA’s most notorious gangs. New inductees often end up in the emergency room.
LOVE will make you drink…the group’s parties are notorious for having an open bar and getting way out of control.
LOVE will make you doubt yourself…part of being a member means questioning and re-evaluating how you’ve been living your life.
LOVE will make you do crazy things! All members are required to stalk strangers who tickle the fancy of other members. There is also an enormous membership fee (how else can they pay for those wild parties with an open bar???), so members often have to resort to breaking the law to come up with the money.
LOVE is blind. The group will allow anyone one to join, and is really very good about not discriminating. It’s actually one of its best qualities.
LOVE is in the air! The organization recently purchased a jet (another reason for the outrageous membership fees) to fly its members all over the country to recruit.
Consider yourselves warned, Modern Philosophers! Beware of strangers who approach you today and want to talk about LOVE. If you’re not careful, your life could change forever!
Other than that, have a Happy Valentine’s Day!