A Brewer man, who asked to remain anonymous, dropped off his broken heart for repair at a local shop (which shall remain nameless because they threatened to sue me if I mentioned the name), and when he returned to pick it up this evening, was told that the store had misplaced it.
The proprietors not only refused to refund the customer’s deposit, but they also would not provide him with a replacement heart!
“I’m thinking deeply on this, and I’m finding it very difficult to comprehend,” the clearly weakened man wheezed to this Modern Philosopher. “How does a business lose a vital human organ? I thought everything was computerized these days. Did The Machines have something to do with this?”
As paramedics attended to the distraught and extremely pale customer, I questioned his friends for the back story. “It all happened so suddenly,” Dave volunteered. “He was madly in love for over two years, and the day after Valentine’s Day, she blindsided him with the news that it was over.”
“We rushed him and the heart right over here,” continued Toni, a second friend who was on the verge of tears. “He was so positive. He kept telling us that if he could just get the heart repaired, he would take care of patching up the relationship. He’s a hopeless romantic and truly loves her.”
No word yet on the exact whereabouts of the woman who did the breaking, but I have been told that she is out of town at school, and that the distance might have been a primary cause of the fracture.
One shop employee was willing to speak to me off the record. “That heart has been broken at least twice previously,” she whispered as we spoke out of her employer’s line of sight. “Serious damage that we had to work miracles to fix. Truth be told, I don’t think we would’ve been able to put it back together this time. It might end up being a good thing that we can’t find it.”
At that, the insurance investigator entered the store. Apparently, the heart was well insured, and a new one would be provided by the insurance if everything was kosher.
When I asked the man without a heart about the insurance policy, he told me he knew nothing about it. After a quick chat with the insurance investigator, I learned that the policy had been taken out by the elusive heartbreaker. “It was like she knew there was a chance she would hurt him,” the investigator theorized, “so she took out the policy to protect him from her. Very romantic in an ironic way.”
That it is. The poor man was rushed to Eastern Maine Medical Center, and I am told that a replacement heart is already on the way. Let’s just keep our fingers crossed that this story ends happily ever after.
What do you think, Modern Philosophers? Why do fools fall in love? Why would someone who tells you she’ll love you forever go and break your heart? How can someone possibly heart another who makes them so happy?
I look forward to your feedback on this one. It’s been a rough day at The House on the Hill, and this Modern Philosopher could use a few smiles…