While Austin is on vacation, he has asked a series of guest bloggers to keep the blog up and running. Today’s post is by a writing team called “Austin’s Muscular Runner’s Legs”. I know it’s weird, but what about this blog has ever been normal?
Happy Sunday, Blog Fans! Even though you don’t think we’ve ever met, you’ve actually seen us every time you’ve read this blog. Yes, we are those legs in the photo that runs across the blog’s masthead.
So let us start by asking if any of you have legs that are muscular, shapely, and toned like we are. We’d imagine most of you don’t since you spend most of your time sitting at your computer reading the rants of others.
After you read this post, we totally expect you to go outside and do some form of exercise. Don’t make us track you down and kick your ass! That would hurt since we are so buff and athletic. Check us out on the left. Do you really want to mess with us?
So Austin is on vacation and decided to spend some time away from the blog to recharge his batteries. Since we’re not wimpy like him, and on the go 24/7, we volunteered to jump right in and take over the writing today. We’re totally flexible.
We just got back from a 3 mile run. Austin had been taking us out for nightly runs on a regular basis for three weeks, then slacked off for the past week and a half like he tends to do more often than not lately. We don’t know what’s been going on inside his head…that thing is too far away from us to have any sort of contact.
All we know is that the very fine pair of tan, shapely legs that used to rub up against us in bed all the time hasn’t been around in awhile. That must have something to do with it because when those babies were around, we ran all the time!
Today’s run was a piece of cake. Despite what Austin has written in previous posts, we have never purposely tanked a run because we weren’t in shape. Again, look at us. We are long, lean, muscular and perfect for running.
The problem we have is supporting the torso he makes us work with. Mr. Writer Man has put on some weight and that gives us more drag than we’d like when we’re on the road.
We were full of life today since we hadn’t been running in almost two weeks. He stretched us out real good and all systems were a go. We were even cool with limiting ourselves to a pedestrian 3 miles since we new the lungs might need to catch up with us. It’s our hope that Austin will start off slow, but then use his week off to run and get back up to at least 4 miles by the end of it.
We are lithe, muscular stallions and we need to run. Keeping us caged up at a desk under work pants for 40 hours a week really makes us crazy. Thank Zeus he’s on vacation all week because that means he can show us off in shorts and let us feel the cool breeze on our skin. Runner’s legs need fresh air, people!
The run got exciting on the way home. With about a mile to go a very attractive, shapely set of legs turned onto the road about 1/3 mile ahead of us. They were attached to a runner with a blonde ponytail that danced in the morning sun.
We decided to pick up the pace in hopes of meeting up with them and seeing if they would be interested in rubbing up against us some time.
Since we hadn’t been out for a while, we were full of energy and gobbled up chunks of road with every lengthy, muscular stride. We were closing in on those legs when they turned down a side street not on our route.
We wanted to follow the legs, but The Great Dictator insisted that we stay on our path back to The House on the Hill. We were so pissed, and this probably explains why there haven’t been any shapely legs rubbing against us for several months.
Don’t worry, though. We totally intend to make Austin pay for that act of defiance. We plan on hitting him with a series of excruciating cramps in about half an hour. That should teach him to mess with us.
We finished the run in 26:51, and we were quite pleased. Any time we can move that heavy load around at a 9:00 mile pace is a victory for us. Our list of accomplishments continues to grow, and might soon be as long as we are.
To our female readers, if you’ve got a great pair of legs that would be interested in meeting us, please drop us a line in the comments section. Maybe we could go for a run sometime and see what happens…
As for the rest of you, get up off your butts and do something active today. Your legs want to be as good looking as we are. Why are you denying them that dream?