While the government shutdown might be having an adverse effect on the economy and the American people, Maine’s Aliens are making the most of the situation by doing a little joyriding and sightseeing.
UFOs were spotted over numerous cities across the U.S. today as Aliens, knowing that the government measures that kept them in hiding would not be in service, took full advantage of their freedom.
“The U.S. Government spends a ridiculous amount of money in an attempt to track our spacecrafts and keep us from moving freely around your country,” M’kjlui-Ooo-qot, a native of the Zorthian Galaxy, told this Modern Philosopher.
“All those secret radar sites, monitoring stations, and fighter jets on standby to be scrambled to chase us,” he continued. “Plus, there’s an entire department of your FBI assigned to investigating us. What’s the big deal? We’ve been living peacefully in Maine for over three decades. Loosen up and let us roam free in the other 49 states!”
None of those assets were available today because of the government shutdown, so Aliens were spotted roaming the streets of NY, sunbathing on the beaches in LA, gawking at the Grand Canyon, and hitting the craps tables in Vegas.
All with zero problems reported aside from a few overzealous humans who wouldn’t leave the Aliens alone to go about their business. Police officers did their best to keep our Alien friends safe and clear of too much harassment.
Why does our government spend so much money trying to keep our friends from other planets from feeling welcome here? I made several calls to get an answer to this question, but no one who could answer me was working today. How convenient.
Maybe it’s time for the rest of the country to follow Maine’s lead and open its skies, streets, and hearts to our Alien friends. It would certainly save the government a ton of money.
So where did my friends spend the day? “We flew down the east coast, and spent some time hovering over Washington, D.C. It was so eerie how quiet that city was,” explained Xi-Xi-Ordu, a close friend and leader of Maine’s Nrujian population. “The youngsters wanted to see Disney, so we stopped at the one in Florida. That was a huge hit.”
Xi couldn’t explain why so many Aliens are drawn to Devil’s Tower. He just says there’s something about the place that pulls them in like a giant magnet.
It sounds like Maine’s Alien population really had some fun today, and that the rest of the country finally got a chance to experience what we enjoy on a daily basis. No one was overly freaked out by the Aliens’ presence. There were no incidents of violence. No anal probings (at least none conducted by Aliens!). And the White House was not blown to smithereens by technology that humans will never understand.
In fact, this Modern Philosopher has been swamped with reports of people crying when the Aliens left and tales of children giddy after being taken on their first UFO ride. All in all, it was an excellent day for human and Alien relations.
Did we find a silver lining in this government shutdown, Modern Philosophers?