A Friday Full Moon Fever has taken hold of Maine, filling emergency rooms, walk in clinics, and doctors’ office, while also emptying out classrooms and offices.
The fever is ferocious and it’s spreading like wildfire. “I haven’t seen an epidemic of Full Moon Fever this bad since the Summer of ’96,” Dr. Warren Klatch, Head of Emergency Medicine at Bangor’s Eastern Maine Medical Center told this Modern Philosopher as we surveyed the chaos around us in EMMC’s Emergency Department. “The full moon can have quite the effect on people, and I don’t need my medical degrees to tell me that.”
The fact that it’s Friday isn’t helping, either. According to my sources inside The Calendar Commission, Fridays are the day of the week on which people are most likely to get sick. “They’re not always sick,” my source told me, and I could hear her winking at me through the phone.
“It’s a Halloween Full Moon, which makes it even more powerful,” my Witch friend and Moon expert Volcanica Ivy told me as we stood on the roof of Three Toads & A Wicked Lady and stared up at Earth’s satellite. “A full moon is brimming with Magic and influence. You combine it with the Halloween Season, and you have a great white ball of intrigue watching over us.”
Neither Volcanica, nor Dr. Klatch believed the afflicted to be in any serious danger. “Fevers break,” the good doctor explained as he did he best to see as many patients as possible while also helping me to inform the public.
“The fevers will be gone with the return of the Sun,” the good Witch assured me.
Of course, the full moon also means that it’s time for The Maine Werewolves’ Halloween Howler! Gary Lincoln, the Leader of Maine’s largest Werewolf Pack had a totally different theory about today’s Full Moon Fever outbreak. “People are just burning with anticipation about tonight’s Howler, Austin! Once they get outside under the moon, in the cool Autumn night, they’ll find their way back to 98.7. I guarantee it.”
Gary punctuated his promise with a howl that rattled the windows of The House on the Hill.
As for this Modern Philosopher, I have been thankfully Friday Full Moon Fever free. I’d like to think it’s because of my amazing immune system, but I’ve lived in Maine long enough to know that I most likely have my wonderful Witch friends to thank. Whatever spell they have me under seems to be working.
If you are suffering from Full Moon Fever, my friends, the experts promise it’s going to pass very soon. If you can fight your way through it, you really should join us for tonight’s Halloween Howler. The Werewolves of Maine really know how to through a party.
Happy Friday! Fight the Fever! Party on!