Running is actually the perfect time for me to think. All of my screenplays were plotted out in my head as I jogged down a road in New York, California, or Maine, which means I can literally say my sweat is in all those script pages.
Today, my thoughts sprinted directly to a topic I was hoping to avoid. Once my Deep Thoughts lock onto a target, however, it’s nearly impossible to disengage.
Despite the fact that I have been divorced for ten years, I cannot run away from the fact that October 19 will always be my Wedding Anniversary. I don’t want it to be like that, I don’t give any thought to the significance of the day in those leading up to it, but I just have this thing with dates and numbers that I cannot seem to shake.
So it’s not like I’m sitting here missing my ex-wife or anything. I’m just annoyed that 1/365th of the days in the year are ruined because of a memory she put in my head.
Given the current status of my Love Life, what today symbolizes only bothers me more. I should be happily married, raising a family, and worrying about things that trouble husbands.
Instead, I’m doing none of those things. My life is in a state of flux, and I don’t like it. I made a promise 17 years ago to enter into a union that was supposed to last until death parted us. The only thing that died, though, was my belief in marriage and the idea that love could last a lifetime.
I did make some progress today, though. I posted on Twitter and Facebook that rather than thinking of today as my former anniversary, I’m going to designate it as her little white dress lie day. I think that’s a pretty witty play on words.
So I ran, Modern Philosophers. I was hoping the activity would clear my head, but all it did was clutter things up even worse. However, I got in an excellent run, took advantage of the perfect weather (for the record, it rained very hard 17 years ago today…I should have seen that as an omen!), and now I’m feeling much better about myself.
Now that I think about it, something else very important happened on this day 17 years ago: I set foot in Maine for the very first time. I need to see if I can save October 19 to the hard drive as my First Day in Maine. I’ll let you know how it goes.
What I’ve learned from all this is that no matter how fast or far I run, my past is always going to be there. However, there’s a sunny future ahead of me, and the faster I run, the sooner I’m going to get there.
Remember, Modern Philosophers, every Deep Thought has a silver lining…