Brain Stew: Empowering Storms, Good Deeds Gone Wrong, Poison Apples

BrainIt’s been an odd day, Modern Philosophers, and I’ve got so many random Deep Thoughts bouncing around inside my head, that I thought I’d try out a new feature tonight.

Welcome to Brain Stew.  Before you help yourself to a bowl, let me warn you that the stew is very hot, a tad spicy, and made up of an odd collection of anecdotes that have been simmering over a low flame all day.

Without any further ado, let’s get some writing up on this blog for you folks to read…

I Am A Storm. You Give Me Power!  I’ve been distracted with all this talk about Winter Storm Janus, which is closing in on Maine and expected to unleash its wrath after midnight.

JanusBecause I am neurotic about Winter weather, I have been constantly checking the Weather Channel and its website.  At first, the site said 1 inch was expected in Maine.  When I checked later, though, there was a red banner warning that Winter Storm Janus could bring over a foot of snow.

Regardless of how much snow we do get, I take issue with the names they’ve given these storms.  Aside from Janus, here are some of the names on this Winter’s list: Atlas, Electra, Hercules, Maximus, Titan, Ulysses, and Vulcan.

Come on!  You empower Winter storms with names like that, and of course they’re going to be all bad ass and destructive.  You can’t go building up a storm’s confidence!  Why don’t we cripple the storm by hanging a totally nerdy name on it?  Winter storm Percival is probably just going to hide in a corner so it doesn’t get a wedgie, or have its lunch money stolen.  No one’s going to freak out because ole Percy is on the way, am I right?

Never Let King Klutz Do A Good Deed!  Temperatures were in the single digits today as Maine awaited Janus’ arrival.  About fifteen minutes before quitting time, I joined the parade of office drones headed out to the parking lot to start their cars.

keysI saw a coworker stuck on the phone, so I  asked her if I could start her car.  With a grateful smile, she handed me her key.  I’d started it for her before without incident, so I figured today would be no different.

When I returned to the office, I had a sinking feeling (nothing new as work always does that to me).  This time, though, it was different.  I’d locked my coworker’s car because last time, she’d shown me the extra key she had in her bag.  Did she have it this time?  She wouldn’t want me to leave her new car running and unlocked in the lot would she?

I tiptoed to her desk, hat literally in hand, to make sure she had her extra key.  They worst part was, she wouldn’t believe that I was serious.  She thought I was just playing with her, and then assured me it was impossible to lock the car with the key in the ignition.

And she did not have her spare key.  I ran back out to the parking lot.

Guess who solved the mystery of how to lock my coworker’s car while the key is still in the ignition?  That’s right…King Klutz, the Toga Boy.  I apologized a million times, she assured me I was forgiven, and told me her brother was on the way with her spare key.  Still, I feel like a Modern Phil-ASS-opher right now.

Take A Bite, Deary!  Because my mind works in mysterious ways, I found myself on a crazy mental tangent this afternoon.  I needed a snack, so I grabbed an apple.

appleOne bite made me think of Snow White, the Evil Queen, and poisoned apples.  I immediately started crafting a story about my Evil Step Mother and how I refused to eat apples as a kid because I was so certain she was trying to poison me.

I didn’t think I was the fairest of them all, but I did give myself seven short friends, who liked to whistle while they worked.  I had a story half worked out in my head by the time the apple was gone, and I was actually proud of myself for overcoming my phobia to eat my first apple in decades.

Whoa.  I had myself believing that whole crazy apple phobia back story was true.  Maybe it was something in that apple…

Wow.  That was a lot of rambling, with no real pay off.  I’ve got to get these silly anecdotes out of my head, though, to clear room for better, more hilarious stories.

Thanks for stopping by for a little brain stew.  Sorry for the heartburn…

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in blog, Humor, musings, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Brain Stew: Empowering Storms, Good Deeds Gone Wrong, Poison Apples

  1. ksbeth says:

    glad you could get that all out and maybe use a slow-cooker next time )

  2. seaangel4444 says:

    How about, Polar Vortex Vincent! Don’t be scared of the weather, Austin!!! :)

  3. treyzguy says:

    It puts the lotion in the basket…..

  4. Almost Iowa says:

    “Winter storm Percival”

    I dunno. In Minnesota, all storms are named Ashley, not because all female Minnesotans under the age of 22 are named Ashley but because we gave up trying to tag unique names on storms back in the 1890s.

    But Percival? No way!! Who needs a storm to grow bitter and resentful from being shoved around a schoolyard? A storm like that would grow up to become a super-nerd-storm and take his revenge by inventing Twitter of weather….

  5. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
    OH….DEAR!!!!!! :-)

  6. Wasn’t there a song or rhyme called “Born to Ramble”….or “I was Born a Rambling Man”—??? :)

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