Was The Best Picture Oscar Gaffe My Fault?

Oscars, The Academy Awards, Best Picture, Oscar Fail, La La Land, Moonlight, Warren Beatty, Faye Dunaway, Hollywood, humor, Modern PhilosopherI want to apologize for any part I might have played in last night’s big screw up at the Oscars, Modern Philosophers.

As you might have heard, La La Land was erroneously announced as the winner for Best Picture.

After some epic confusion, broadcast live around the globe, Moonlight was finally and correctly declared the recipient of the night’s most prestigious honor.

Sure, it might look like the gaffe was the fault of some combination of Warren Beatty, Faye Dunaway and the folks from PricewaterhouseCoopers, but I know better.

You see, I complained on Sunday that I had lost interest in the Oscars.  Academy Awards Sunday used to be like the Super Bowl for me.  I’d be excited all day as I counted down until the show, I’d make an amazing spread of Oscar snacks, and I’d stay up way past my bedtime to watch each and every gold statue be awarded.

This year, however, I decided that I was going to bed early.  I hadn’t seen any of the movies nominated for Best Picture, so I really had no interest in finding out who won.

I did want to catch Jimmy Kimmel’s opening monologue, though, since I’m in the monologue joke writing myself, and it did not disappoint.  Since that went so well, I decided to stay up to watch the first Oscar of the night be awarded.

After that, however, it was off to bed for me.

Oscars, The Academy Awards, Best Picture, Oscar Fail, La La Land, Moonlight, Warren Beatty, Faye Dunaway, Hollywood, humor, Modern PhilosopherSure, I did ask Google to update me on the winners as I slowly drifted off the sleep, but I was in Dream Land, which is nowhere near La La Land, well before the ceremony was even halfway done.

When I woke up this morning, I immediately asked Google who had won Best Picture.  When the know it all woman’s voice told me it was Moonlight, I was stunned.  I’d heard that La La Land was a heavy favorite, so I next wondered if that flick had choked and gone home empty handed.

It was only when I Googled what Oscars La La Land has won that I discovered all the exciting videos and articles about the bungled announcement.

I couldn’t believe it.  They had gone with the twist ending!

I love unexpected twists, and often write them into my screenplays.  The Oscars caught us all off guard, messed with our heads, and I totally missed it.

Oscars, The Academy Awards, Best Picture, Oscar Fail, La La Land, Moonlight, Warren Beatty, Faye Dunaway, Hollywood, humor, Modern PhilosopherI was so upset.  And felt so guilty.

Clearly, the surprise twist was a message to me from The Academy.  If I give up on the awards I love so much, they will go out of their way to make me regret it.

I’m pissed that I missed seeing that epic snafu live.  Greatest moment in Academy Awards history, and I slept through it.

I have learned my lesson, and will watch the entire ceremony next year.

I’m just so sorry that the people involved with La La Land and Moonlight had to be mind@#$%^& like that just to teach me a lesson.

I hope I can be forgiven.  I really was just tired and didn’t see any reason to stay up late.

Lesson learned.

Congratulations, Moonlight!  Congratulations to all the Oscar winners.

Oscars, The Academy Awards, Best Picture, Oscar Fail, La La Land, Moonlight, Warren Beatty, Faye Dunaway, Hollywood, humor, Modern PhilosopherI promise to do my part to make sure we don’t have a repeat of this confusion next year, but someone really needs to talk to those accountants.  I mean, they only had one job to do.

Now that I think about it, is there any chance PricewaterhouseCoopers was responsible for tabulating the results from the past Presidential Election?  If so, someone definitely needs to make sure the correct results were announced on Election Day!

For the record, you’re all winners in my book!

Can you forgive me enough to follow me on my blog and on Pinterest?

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Best Supporting Catholic

Oscars, Academy Awards, short story, flash fiction, The Devil, Sundays with Satan Short Story Series, humor, Modern Philosopher“Ready for the big night?” The Devil asked as he strolled into the living room looking quite dapper in his tuxedo.

“What’s with the tux?” I asked without really looking up from my book.  “Are all the dry cleaners in Hell closed, and you can’t access your seemingly endless supply of impeccably tailored suits?”

“Darkness,” Lucifer replied in his best James Bond imitation.  “Prince of Darkness.”

Befuddled by the comment and troubled by the horrible British accent, I gave my guest my full attention.

“You’re acting more annoying than usual,” I informed him.  “What’s going on?”

“Have you forgotten what day it is?” The Prince of Darkness asked as he walked over to the couch and sat on the far end.

“It must be Sunday if you’re spreading all this sunshine in my life,” I quipped and reached for my Snapple.

I took a long hit from the bottle, wishing the contents were a bit stronger.

“I should be asking what’s wrong with you,” Satan countered.  “It’s Academy Awards Sunday.  It’s Super Bowl Sunday for movie nerds like you.  Why aren’t you more excited?”

Oscars, Academy Awards, short story, flash fiction, The Devil, Sundays with Satan Short Story Series, humor, Modern PhilosopherI shrugged and put down my book.

“I don’t even care about the Oscars this year,” I admitted with a sigh.  “I haven’t seen any of the nominated movies.  Hell, I never even go to the movies anymore because I hate going alone and I can never find a date.”

“If you put off doing things until you have a date, Austin, you might never do anything again,” The Devil quipped and then flashed a most Devilish smile.

I stared at his handsome, smiling face for the longest time and then sighed heavily.

“It has always been my dream to win an Oscar,” I reminded him as I tapped nervously on the side of my Snapple bottle.  “Best Original Screenplay.  I’d give an awesome acceptance speech, hit all the after parties and get my picture taken with as many celebrities as possible, and then go home and get to work on writing my next Oscar winner.”

Lucifer smiled as he fished a Snapple out of the cooler.

“Very nice,” he said.  “Have you given up on that dream?”

“Not necessarily, but with every Oscar ceremony that passes without my being a full time writer, I feel like the dream becomes that much less attainable,” I confessed.

“Nonsense!” The Prince of Darkness exclaimed as he slammed his bottle down on the table.  “You’re never to give up on that dream.  It’s what keeps you going.  You were never meant to be a desk jockey, but if you abandon your Oscar dream, you’re going to die bored and unfulfilled in your office chair.”

Julia Roberts, Oscars, Academy Awards, short story, flash fiction, The Devil, Sundays with Satan Short Story Series, humor, Modern Philosopher“Damn!  That’s dark even for you,” I blurted and then chugged the rest of my iced tea as if it somehow held the secrets to my avoiding the depressing fate he’d predicted.

Satan shifted uncomfortably on his side of the couch.

“I’m sorry about that, but I’m just as passionate about your achieving that dream,” he explained.  “You are destined for bigger and better things, and it pains me to see you so unhappy and dissatisfied with your life.  That’s why I got you a little something.”

I looked at his empty hands in confusion.

“You got me something?” I asked.  “I hope it’s not a matching tuxedo.”

The Devil flashed a charming smile.  “You could never pull off this look.  Besides, your gift is far better than an article of clothing you’d never wear or appreciate.”

He snapped his fingers and a gold statue appeared in his hand.  It looked a lot like an Oscar, only it wasn’t.

“Congratulations,” he beamed as he handed me the prize.  “It’s a Lucifer.”

I looked at the gold man in wonder and bewilderment.  It really was a work of art.  Heavier than I expected, and pretty cool.

“Is he wearing a suit?” I questioned as I studied my award closely.  “And is that a pitchfork he’s holding instead of a sword?”

Ann Hathaway, Oscars, Academy Awards, short story, flash fiction, The Devil, Sundays with Satan Short Story Series, humor, Modern Philosopher“Yes, on both counts,” The Prince of Darkness answered proudly.  “If you look closely, you’ll notice the horns protruding from his forehead.  I have some wonderful sculptors in Hell, and I think they did an exceptional job.  Check out the engraving.”

I had been so mesmerized by the little gold Devil that I hadn’t even thought to look at the engraving on the base.

“Best Supporting Catholic,” I read aloud with a chuckle.

“You really have been a gracious host and supportive friend,” Satan replied as his eyes appeared to water slightly.  “The fact that you’re a Catholic raised by The Nuns to fear and reject me only makes your friendship mean that much more.  Thank you, Austin.”

And for the first time I can ever remember, The Devil hugged me.  It was an odd sensation, but it felt right given the circumstances.

When we finally broke the awkward embrace, I held my Lucifer over my head and then pumped it towards Heaven.

“Who’s ready for the Oscars?” I asked excitedly even though I already knew the answer.

And the winner is…anyone who follows me on my blog and on Pinterest!

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How To Date Like An Oscar Contender

The Academy Awards, The Oscars, dating tips, life hacks, advice, Hollywood, humor, Modern PhilosopherThe Academy Awards are this weekend, Modern Philosophers, and as a screenwriter, it has always been my dream to win an Oscar.

Just like it’s always been my dream to find true love and live happily ever after.

I haven’t given up on my Best Original Screenplay Oscar dream, and I’m still writing every day.  The true love dream is on the back burner at the moment, though, but I’m sure I’ll start dating again once I can find someone willing to go out with me.

If I had someone giving me expert dating advice, I’d be much closer to achieving that dream.  Luckily for you, I’m coming to you live on Academy Awards weekend with an Oscar themed dating tips post to make your relationship dreams more of a reality.

Are you ready to learn How To Date Like An Oscar Contender?

The Academy Awards, The Oscars, dating tips, life hacks, advice, Hollywood, humor, Modern PhilosopherDress For Success.  Assume that all eyes are on you.  Make an impression by going out in style.  Wear the expensive tuxedo that will make you stand out from the rest of the crowd.  And know who it is you’re wearing because inquiring minds will want to know.

Too many guys phone it in on a first date and try to look too casual.  They want to act cool and pretend the night out is no big deal to them.

Big mistake.  Treat your date like it’s the Academy Awards ceremony.  You don’t know if you’ll ever get invited back, so dress in a way to make it memorable.

Your companion for the evening will certainly be impressed, and isn’t your goal to get her attention and keep it focused on you all night?

Everybody loves a sharp dressed man.  If you wear something she will want to tear off you later, then you both go home winners.

The Academy Awards, The Oscars, dating tips, life hacks, advice, Hollywood, humor, Modern PhilosopherRoll Up In Style.  Would an Oscar contender ever show up for the red carpet behind the wheel of the same beat up Oldsmobile that he drives to work every day?  Of course not.

Oscar contenders do not drive themselves anywhere, and they certainly do not allow themselves to be seen in any vehicle that might have a problem passing its annual inspection.

You’re already wearing a tux, so let’s keep that style and philosophy going.  You definitely need a limo.  Roll up in that, and your lady is guaranteed to be impressed.  We all know your date judges you based on your ride, so showing up in a chauffeured limo is going to make an excellent first date impression.

Make sure you’ve got her favorite wine or champagne chilling in back.  Nothing takes the first date edge off like a little bubbly on your way to your destination.

The Academy Awards, The Oscars, dating tips, life hacks, advice, Hollywood, humor, Modern PhilosopherThank Everyone.  Like an Oscar contender going through his acceptance speech, you want to thank everyone who pops into your head.  You might not be accepting Hollywood’s highest honor, but the goal is to pass yourself off as super positive and extremely humble.

Your date doesn’t want to hear about any negativity in your life.  That would be a red flag for her, and make her think that being with you will be a constant struggle.  She needs to know that all is well with your world, that you can always find the silver lining, and that your glass is always half full.

Speaking of your glass, thank the waiter in advance with a generous tip to make sure the drinks keep flowing all night.  You’re much more charming, funny, and handsome when all parties involved are a little tipsy.  Trust me on that one.

The Academy Awards, The Oscars, dating tips, life hacks, advice, Hollywood, humor, Modern PhilosopherParty Like The Studio Is Picking Up The Tab.  Do you think Oscar contenders worry about the bill when they go out to celebrate?  Do you think they set up a budget for their Academy Awards after party and then stick to it?

Of course they don’t!  They are going to celebrate reaching the pinnacle of their craft with wild parties, lavish spending sprees, and bar tabs that would make Charlie Sheen blush.  There will be no cutting of corners, no using of coupons, and no holding back.

They do this not only because they are going to enjoy every last moment of this amazing achievement, but also because they know the movie studio is footing the bill.  Having the star photographed and filmed out on the town is free publicity for the movie, and well worth whatever tab gets run up in the process.

An Oscar nomination can add tens of millions of dollars to a film’s gross.  While a date might not be bringing in any money for you, it’s not going to impress your companion if you take her out for a cheapo night on the town.

Live it up.  Burn the budget.  You can worry about how you’re going to pay for it all later.  Just have fun and make it a night you, and your accountant, will never forget!

The Academy Awards, The Oscars, dating tips, life hacks, advice, Hollywood, humor, Modern PhilosopherAct Like It’s An Honor Just To Be Nominated.  A date is just like the Academy Awards ceremony.  You’ve got about a one in five chance of going home a winner.  So even though the odds are not at all in your favor, be like an Oscar contender and act like you’re thrilled simply to be in a position to have a chance to win.

If your date senses your insecurity or catches a vibe that you don’t think things are going well, the night is doomed.

Keep everything about sunshine and unicorns.  Plaster that million dollar smile on your face and remind her over and over again how grateful you are that she agreed to go out with you.

Make sure she knows that there is no place else you’d rather be tonight, and the mere fact that you are there with her makes you a winner in your book.

The Academy Awards, The Oscars, dating tips, life hacks, advice, Hollywood, humor, Modern PhilosopherLock Up A Multi-Picture Deal While Your Oscar Buzz Is At Its Peak.  Every smart Oscar contender knows to take advantage of the Oscar Buzz and sign on to do as many movies as possible for the most amount of money before the ceremony.

No one wants to build a franchise around an Oscar loser, or pay an eight figure salary to someone who didn’t quite have what it takes to win an Academy Award.  That’s why all the deals are made when the Oscar Buzz is at its peak.  Every nominee still has a chance to win and the studios are desperate to lock up the next Oscar winner for that big budget action flick they want to release next summer.

The same is true for dating.  When the buzz is strong and the night is going well, you’ve got to lock down your companion for another date.  Get her to agree to solid plans for your next date while you are still the handsome superstar in the dashing tux, who arrived in a limo, and spent money on her all night like it was water.  Lock it in before they open the envelop and reveal the winner.

Another option here, if you’re more like an Oscar contender than I’ll ever be, is to lock down dates with several other interested parties while your buzz is so deafening.  You don’t have to sign up for a series of sequels if you prefer to widen your range and participate in multiple projects…if you catch my drift, player.

The Academy Awards, The Oscars, dating tips, life hacks, advice, Hollywood, humor, Modern PhilosopherBe Gracious Even In Defeat.  As I alluded to earlier, eighty percent of Oscar nominees go home empty handed after the ceremony.  No one likes a sore loser, and you don’t want to get a reputation as one, so make sure you are gracious even if the date does not go as well as you planned.

You want to work in this town again, so you can’t make a scene, say anything that could be misinterpreted, or give your date any reason to spread the word that are poison.

You might want a reference from her one day for another project that interests you, so leave on good terms, even if you don’t get to take home the prize at the end of the evening.

Remember, there are new leading men showing up in this town every day, so if you want to remain at the top of the casting lists, you need to play the game correctly.

Thank her for a wonderful evening and wish her luck in her search.  Perhaps when her attractive, single friend is looking for someone, she’ll put in a good word for you.

Keep in mind that many Oscar nominees get nominated year after year.  If you play your cards right, you’ll need that tux and limo very often.

Good luck out there on the dating scene.  Enjoy the Oscars!  If you have any picks for this year’s ceremony, feel free to share them in the comments section and we’ll see how right you were after the show.

While it is an honor simply to be nominated, I’ll feel like a winner if you follow me on my blog and on Pinterest…

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Shovel It Or Let It Melt?

Friday Night Think Tank, philosophy, making things happen, waiting for things to happen, humor, Modern PhilosopherWelcome to the Friday Night Think Tank, Modern Philosophers!

After a long, grueling week, I’m looking forward to relaxing and allowing the Deep Thoughts to flow.

The sun has finally returned after a long disappearance, and temperatures skyrocketed into the 50s today.  For February in Maine, that’s a heat wave!

Last Sunday, we had similar weather.  I went outside in just a sweatshirt to tackle the snow and ice that was piled up in the driveway, on my front lawn, and up on the roof.

Yes, Modern Philosophers, I even pulled out the big guns and used the roof rake.

I was dripping with sweat after two and a half hours of clearing what Snow Miser had left behind, but I knew I had accomplished something major.  The snow was off the roofs of The House on the Hill and the garage, the end of the driveway was no longer coated in ice, and you could actually see some of the sidewalk in front of the house.

Afterwards, several people asked me why I’d even bothered.  The warmer temperatures were going to take care of the work for me, so what was the point of wasting two and a half hours and all that sweat?

Which brings us to this week’s topic:  Would you shovel it, or let it melt?

Friday Night Think Tank, philosophy, humor, deep thoughts, Modern PhilosopherWhile this might not seem like the most challenging philosophical question, try to look at it as a deeper metaphor, Modern Philosophers.

Are you the type of person who just sits around and waits for things to happen?  Or are you proactive and go out to set things in motion?

I like to think that I grabbed my shovel and went out to take advantage of the warmer weather because I’m tired of being a prisoner of winter.  I hate worrying if the roof is going to leak because of all the snow piled on it.  I don’t want to freak out because there’s snow on the roads.

So I went out there, and with the warmer weather lending me a hand, showed the elements who was boss.  I was no longer going to be a prisoner of my Post Traumatic Snow Disorder.  I chose to be a man of action, rather than a man who has to react to whatever the hell life throws at him.

Sure, maybe I was being a tad reactionary.  Perhaps my quirks and phobias played a part in pushing me to act, but I don’t see where that’s a bad thing.  I’ve had the roof leak before because I didn’t clear the snow.  I’ve been unable to get my car up the driveway because it was too icy.

I learned from my mistakes and now I’m getting out in front of things rather than sitting back and waiting for life to dictate what I need to do.

choosing to be proactive, winter in Maine, philosophy, humor, Modern PhilosopherSo I’m all for shoveling.  I used to be solidly in the “Let It Melt” fold, but that did not turn out well for me at all.  Hand me a shovel, and get the hell out of my way.

I’m hoping this sort of thinking spills over into other parts of my life.  It would be a shame to act this way only when it came to snow removal.

What about you, Modern Philosophers?  Do you shovel or let it melt?

I’m looking forward to your joining me in the Think Tank to share your Deep Thoughts!

A true Modern Philosopher would follow me on my blog and on Pinterest!

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Aliens Visiting Earth Less Since Trump’s Inauguration

Alien visitors, UFOs, intergalactic relations, President Trump, politics, science fiction, humor, Modern PhilosopherThe Department Utilizing Statistics and Tables (DUST) announced today, Modern Philosophers, that Alien visits to Earth have dropped dramatically since President Trump’s Inauguration.

While DUST is not willing to state outright that Trump’s approval rating with Aliens is the lowest of any U.S. President since FDR, it’s obvious that intergalactic tourists are in no rush to be taken to our new leader.

“It’s like President Trump has built a wall between America and the Aliens,” observed Dr. Peter Cushing, a well respected Alientologist at the University of California in Mos Eisley, who headed up the study for DUST.  “There are a lot more of them than there are of us, so it would be prudent for Mr. Trump to keep intergalactic relations on good terms.  I mean, we all saw Independence Day, right?”

While the actual figure is not readily known because most data regarding Aliens is kept locked away by the Federal Government, it is estimated that Alien visitors pump close to one billion dollars into the Earth’s economy every year.

Should our intergalactic friends continue to stay away from our planet as they have over the past month, we could expect the global economy to take a swan dive over the next four years.  This is a scenario The United Nations is not going to allow.

A delegation from the UN plans to visit Maine next month to talk to members of the state’s Alien population to see what can be done to make Earth more “Alien friendly” again.

Aliens, Maine, UFOs, President Trump, sci-fi, humor, Modern PhilosopherMaine is home to the largest intergalactic Alien population in the United States, due mostly to the state’s open door policy toward Otherworldly Beings, Aliens’ odd fascination with whoopie pies, and Stephen King’s being named an honorary Admiral in the Govorkian Space Fleet.

Even with all that, the Alien Mothership, which normally hovers high above Bangor, has been spending more time in Toronto over the past month.

“We just don’t get a very good vibe from President Trump,” explained one high ranking Alien official, who spoke under the condition of anonymity.  “He doesn’t seem to be a fan of anyone who is different from his version of ‘normal’, which is strange, given the fact that he is one of the very few Orange Americans I’ve ever met.”

“Of course, our scientists have been begging for a chance to study President Trump and run extensive tests on him, but they have been told, in no uncertain terms, that snatching and probing a sitting world leader is strictly prohibited,” my source went on to explain.

As far as the Canadian government is concerned, America’s loss is Canada’s gain.

“We love having the Aliens out and about,” Perry LeBeque, Special Assistant to Prime Minister Trudeau told this Modern Philosopher.  “They’re friendly and outgoing, just like Canadians.  They’ve taken a shine to hockey, and they don’t seem to mind the cold.  An Alien invasion was exactly what Canada needed!”

While Trump’s low approval ratings with Aliens might not seem like that big of a deal considering everything else going on since the President took office, in the grand scheme of things, this could be a major personal setback for me.

Rey, Star Wars, Daisy Ridley, Aliens, Trump, humor, Modern PhilosopherWhat are the chances Rey will ever pilot the Millennium Falcon to Earth to finally meet me if President Trump is still putting up walls to make Aliens feel unwelcome?

I shouldn’t have to lose out on being with my future wife because the person in the White House isn’t a friend of Aliens.

I don’t have much hope that President Trump is going to change.  On the contrary, he’ll probably only make matters worse.

Before we know it, Imperial Star Destroyers will be circling the Earth, waiting the attack.  It might not sound like a glorious future, but it could be a nice reprieve from Trump.

Star Wars, Star Destroyers, Aliens, Trump, humor, Modern PhilosopherI do hope, however, that our Alien friends will decide not to judge an entire planet based on a single, angry, narcissistic orange.

Earthlings are great people if you can just look past the ones who have the power to blow Alien spacecraft out of the sky…

Don’t alienate me.  Follow me on my blog and on Pinterest!

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Tick Tock

time, clocks, counting day, surviving the day, poetry, metaphors, humor, Modern PhilosopherTick Tock…

All day long,

The clock

Serenades us.

Do we

Even hear it

Anymore?

It offers

The same

Methodical beat

Everyday

Without fail.

We like

To tell ourselves

It’s counting down

The minutes

To the end

Of the

Work day,

But the clock’s

True mission

Is to

Keep track

Of our time

Left among

The living.

As you pretend

Not to hear

Each

Precious

Second

Ticking

Away,

What’s really

Going on

In your head?

Do you

Even realize

That every

Angry thought

Is just another

Moment wasted?

Every love

Not acted upon,

Every chance

Not taken,

Every song

Left unsung

Brings you

One heartbeat

Closer

To your

Last?

Perhaps

The real reason

You don’t

Hear the

Tick Tock

Of your

Life clock

Is because

It’s drowned out

By the

Staccato

Ticking

Of the

Time Bomb

Set

To explode

Inside

Your head.

Time is

Too precious,

Too fleeting,

Too short

To be wasted.

Defuse

The bomb.

Pay attention

To the clock.

Make every

Last second

Count.

Tick Tock…

The clock

Is calling.

Why don’t you

Go see

What it wants?

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Trump Declares That Every Day Is Now President’s Day

President Trump, Presidents Day, holiday, politics, satire, humor, Modern PhilosopherHappy Presidents Day, Modern Philosophers.

In case you forgot about the holiday, don’t worry.  It will be coming around again much sooner than usual.

As in tomorrow.

President Trump signed a new Executive Order today declaring that every day is now President’s Day.

“President’s Day is a huge holiday that seems to get forgotten because it’s lumped in with school vacation and Valentine’s Day,” Trump addressed the White House Press Corps himself as Sean Spicer stood in the corner, arms crossed, and pouting like a child sent to bed without his milk and cookies.

“Arbor Day, Flag Day, Columbus Day…these are holidays, too,” he continued.  “They all get one day on the calendar, which makes them seem just as important as President’s Day.  But they’re not.  Since when is a tree as important as the leader of the free world?  I mean, I like the flag, but come on.  Not as important as the Commander in Chief.”

“So that’s why I’ve signed an Executive Order declaring that every day of the year is going to be President’s Day!”

He paused here as if expecting a rousing round of applause to fill the room.  It did not.  The reporters just listened in confused silence, while Sean Spicer mumbled something rude under his breath.

“And President’s Day, which is now huge, the biggest holiday of all, more important than even Christmas, is not a celebration of the twenty or thirty men who held this office before me.  They can still have their one day in February.  I don’t care.  I’m not petty that way.  They should be remembered as the men who came before me, the President who made America Great again!”

Presidents Day, Donald Trump, holidays, politics, satire, humor, Modern PhilosopherAnother applause break.  Again, just crickets.  More angry Spicer.

“President’s Day, the new, year long holiday will be celebrating me, Donald Trump.  President Trump to you, of course,” Trump reminded them all with a huge grin.

“When I was kid, I asked my father why there was a Father’s Day and a Mother’s Day, but no Kid’s Day.  You want to know what he told me?  He said every day was Kid’s Day.  Then he ruffled my hair, gave me ten thousand dollars, and told me to run along and buy myself a candy store.  Great guy my Dad.  Great guy.”

President Trump then went on to explain that he expected presents to be delivered to the White House every day in celebration of President’s Day.

“I promised you I would create new jobs, and if the American people send me Happy President’s Day gifts every day of the year as I’ve suggested, we’ll have to keep the post offices open on Sundays, and hire more postal workers to deliver my presents.  Then, of course, they’ll be more jobs at the wrapping paper plant, and the factories that make bows and ribbons for packages.  Everything made in America.  And all for me!”

“During this afternoon’s press briefing, I’ll have Spicer read you a list of all the places I’ve registered for President’s Day gifts,” Trump promised.  “I expect you to actually report this and hold off on your fake news for at least one day.  It can be your first President’s Day gift to me.  Even though we all know I deserve better.”

Happy Presidents Day, President Trump, satire, humor, Modern PhilosopherI believe the American people feel the exact same way, Mr. President.

Remember all those who came before our forty-fifth President, Modern Philosophers.  It might make you appreciate our forty-sixth President even more.

And don’t forget, since tomorrow is President’s Day, there might be no school, banks might be closed, and there’s probably won’t be any garbage pick up.  What a wonderful holiday this could be…

Celebrate the holiday right: follow me on my blog and on Pinterest!

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