It’s Father’s Day

Father's Day, Dad, family, Modern PhilosopherIt’s Father’s Day, Modern Philosophers.

My Dad died when I was 19, so I’ve spent more Father’s Days without him than with him.  Even though he’s not around to celebrate on this holiday, he is most certainly in my thoughts.

To be honest, I think about my Dad every day.  I keep a picture of him on my desk, and since I’m named after him, it’s impossible to go a day without hearing someone say my father’s name.

Father’s Day can be difficult.  My news feed on Facebook is a photographic reminder that the world is showing even more paternal love than usual, and that makes me wish I could be gifting my Dad an ugly tie and taking him out to dinner.

But I don’t let the holiday get me down.  Instead, I take some time to reflect on how much my Dad meant to me, and how he still impacts my life today.

I’m never quite sure he knew what to do with the nerdy, artistic son who came along when he was 44, but my Dad was incredibly supportive.

When it came time for college, there was a lot of pressure from certain family members to choose a more “realistic” major.  There was a strong argument made that I should put my Math skills to use as an accountant.  Or if I really insisted on writing, why not major in English and become a professor?  That way, I had a fallback career should I fail at writing.

Father's Day, Dad, family, Modern PhilosopherBut Dad took me aside and told me he supported whatever decision I made.  I don’t know if he ever really ever “got” my writing, but he knew it was important to me.  And he believed that I would be a success if I gave it my all.

My Dad’s belief in me and my writing still keeps me going all these years later.

Unfortunately, Dad never got to see me succeed as a writer.  I was still in college when he passed away, but I was learning how to become a screenwriter because he supported my decision to go to Film School.

Dad never got to meet the woman I would marry, but at least that means he didn’t have to suffer through my divorce.  Although, I really could have used him then.  No matter how bad things got, I never saw my Dad down.  He always had a smile on his face, and I think his superpower was his ability to make anyone smile in any situation.

Dad never got to visit me in Maine.  I know he would have loved The House on the Hill and the easygoing way of life Maine has to offer.  Knowing Dad, he would have been best friends with my entire neighborhood after his first visit.

Dad never got to see his scrawny, uncoordinated son become a dedicated runner, capable of winning Wellness challenges.  While Dad was never a runner himself, he is one of the reasons I’m so dedicated to the activity, and I’d want him to know that.

For as long as I can remember, my Dad was sick.  There was always some ailment that kept him from being 100%.  My Mom died when I was 3, so my family history of poor health has been a huge motivating factor in my running program.

Father's Day, Dad, family, Modern PhilosopherWhile I know I’ve done things that would have made Dad proud, I also worry that he would be disappointed in me.

Not that he would ever tell me about it.

The smartest kid in his class, the one who read The New York Times at the breakfast table when he was seven, doesn’t have a job befitting his promise and potential.

The writing career, while having a few exciting highlights, hasn’t amounted to much.

There are no grandchildren to carry on the family name.

I’ve never become the people person that my Dad was.  I’d give anything to have his personality, confidence, and ability to warm up to total strangers.

Like I said, my Dad never led me to believe I was a disappointment, and I know he’d never let me think that were he around today to see me operating at less than my full potential.

I just wish he were here because I miss him so much.  His love and support was like this rousing pep talk that I never even realized I was receiving, but always worked wonders.

Sometimes, I feel like there is a hole in my life, and I always just assume it’s from the lack of a romantic relationship, or because I don’t have the career I want.

But now I know it’s because I miss my Dad.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad!  I promise I will work harder to live up to your name and make you proud…

Father's Day, Dad, family, Modern Philosopher

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Posted in Holidays, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Resting My Legs, But Exercising My Brain

screenwriting, writing, humor,Modern PhilosopherI might have taken a few days off from running to rest my exhausted legs after winning my Wellness Competition, Modern Philosophers, but I’ve been working out my brain even harder than usual.

Since I’m 6’3″, there’s a great deal of distance between my legs and my brain, so the overexertion of my grey matter should not interrupt the well deserved vacation of the shapely twins that keep my body upright.

My mini vacation is the perfect time to tackle an important writing project.  As I’ve previously mentioned, there is a plan to turn one of my short stories, The Bind Date, into a short film.

When I first suggested this idea to my producer, I have to admit, I thought it would just mean turning that 1,500 word story into a screenplay.

However, he had different ideas.  His plan was to create a thirty minute short film, which we could then enter into festivals, while also using it as a calling card to interest investors in one of my feature length screenplays.

Since one screenplay page is the equivalent of one minute of screen time, that meant I needed thirty pages of script.  If you’ve read The Blind Date, you know there’s only about five minutes of action there.

Which meant it was time to put the brain to work, and figure out how to come up with the other twenty-five pages I’d need to make the short film a reality.

Have I ever mentioned that I love challenges?

screenwriting, Hollywood, movie, humor, Modern PhilosopherBeing a screenwriter is not easy.

Even though there is no movie without the screenplay, the writer is far down in the pecking order of a Hollywood production.

And that is no slap at my current producer, who is a great collaborator and values my input.  It’s simply a fact of life.

Usually, the screenwriter is left alone in a quiet corner until everyone decides to give him notes all at once.

A lot of screenwriting is sitting around and waiting.  You create this story that you think is absolutely awesome, but then you need someone with connections to agree to read it and get it into the right hands.

Even if you can get someone interested in your script, you need people with money to agree to pay for everything.  Movies are expensive endeavors.

In this case, I found myself waiting for my producer to get back to me on my idea of how to expand the script.  I proposed weaving another short story into the plot of The Blind Date, and sent him three stories to read.

Of course, I had my favorite, but I needed to be a good collaborator myself, and see which story he thought would work best.

I waited patiently for feedback, but he is a busy man and I didn’t hear anything.  My mini vacation arrived, and I wanted to work on the screenplay.  So I made an executive decision to add a second short story, and chose my favorite story of the three.

story story, blind date, relationships, humor, Modern Philosopher

I sent my producer an email telling him what I was doing, and didn’t wait for permission to get started.

That’s not exactly the typical thing for a screenwriter to do, but sometimes one needs to be bold if he wants to get things done.

I was pleased when he emailed back that he loved my ideas and the story that I chose.

That night, I cranked out another short story, which will eventually become the opening scenes of the screenplay.  I introduced a character from the second short story into the world of The Blind Date, and now I am confident that I will have enough material to fill thirty pages.

The new story flowed out of me so quickly that I didn’t even consider setting it up as a blog post.  The ideas had formed in my head all day, and I just wanted to get them down on paper as notes for the script.

Next thing I knew, my notes had been transformed into an 1,800 word story.  I write my short stories like a screenplay, in that there are many screen directions included.  Hopefully, when you read one, you can easily picture the action taking place in your mind because everything is described in such detail.

I did a quick edit of the short story, and then emailed it to my producer.

screenwriting, writing, humor, Modern PhilosopherAlmost immediately, my brain went to work spitting out ideas for the next scene.   Plus, new ideas formed to expand the second short story.

My brain has been very active!

I haven’t written anything else because I’m pretty sure the next step is to start the screenplay.  But I also wanted to take some time to enjoy one of my favorite parts of the screenwriting process, which I like to call “percolating”.

During the percolating period, I allow the various story ideas to simmer in my brain.  As I run them over and over again through my cerebral filter, some ideas grow into something bigger and better, while others fade away.

Pretty soon, after just the right amount of percolating, the story is finally ready to be served.  That’s when I open up Final Draft on my laptop and begin the screenplay.

For those of you who are curious, this is the story I decided to add to create my screenplay.  Let me know if you think it pairs well with The Blind Date.

My legs have really enjoyed the last few days off, but my brain has been so active over that time that it doesn’t even seem like I’ve missed a beat.  This is the kind of activity that really improves my overall wellness.

Posted in Humor, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

On The Sixteenth Day, I Rested

running, health, fitness, humor, Modern PhilosopherAfter fifteen consecutive days of running, and collecting over 450,000 steps, I can finally relax and boast that I won the Wellness competition, Modern Philosophers!

I can also share that I slept in this morning, have yet to collect 12,000 steps (which was the minimum amount I wanted to leave The House on the Hill with during the contest), and that I plan to do nothing for the next four days while I enjoy a well deserved mini vacation.

While there is no trophy, medal, or prize money to reward me for my hard work, just knowing that I was able to beat out over two hundred people makes me feel pretty awesome.

The sense of accomplishment that goes along with this is better than any gold cup, that would only sit on a shelf and collect dust.

A boost to my pride is worth so much more.

My strategy for the contest was simple: Get the max score every day, and force everyone else to keep up with me.

I knew I could find a way to collect 30,000 steps, and I was willing to bet that no one else could match me for fifteen days.

With a game plan like that, the least I would do is end up in a tie for first.  Sure, it put a lot of pressure on me to deliver, but I love a challenge.

I’d much rather be in control of my destiny, knowing that a perfect score ensured victory, than chase after someone and hope my adversary falters.

running, health, fitness, humor, Modern PhilosopherYes, I am completely exhausted, but isn’t that the point?  When I run, I leave as much as I can out on my route.  If I get back to The House on the Hill and I’m still a bundle of energy, that tells me I didn’t put enough effort into my run.

I can say without hesitation that I left nothing in the tank.

This victory comes at a perfect time for me.  Self-confidence has been a bit low lately, and I need to be back on top of my game if this whole plan to turn my short story into a short film is going to become a reality.

And I want that very badly.

After winning this contest and proving to myself that I can achieve some form of perfection, I’m feeling much better about this movie plan.

In fact, I plan to use my four day vacation to work on the screenplay, even if my producer doesn’t get back to me with notes and the answers to my questions.

Because I feel confident that I will turn out a great screenplay, and he will have no choice but to put it all on film.  Just like with the Wellness contest, my plan is to give it my max effort and challenge the others to keep up with me.

For the moment, however, the plan is to rest.  My brain might be jumping with creative ideas, but the rest of my body is one giant cramp.

running, health, fitness, humor, Modern PhilosopherI’m out on the porch now, my legs up on the railing, and I really don’t want to move for the rest of the night.  But I will because my favorite ice cream is waiting for me in the freezer (who said there was no award for winning this contest???) and the Yankees are on ESPN tonight.

So this Wellness Warrior will soon be on the couch, with a huge bowl of ice cream, cheering on his favorite team.

I know this is a family friendly blog, but cover the kiddos’ eyes for a moment.

Because I just want to say that I really kicked ass over the last fifteen days, and I feel like a bad ass right now.

I’ll probably go for a run tomorrow, but right now, I am going to revel in my Wellness victory, and try to win a championship in relaxation.

For those of you who are still on the fence about starting an exercise program, let me remind you that fourteen months ago, I was fat, lazy, and incredibly out of shape.

Now I’m a Wellness Champion!

Posted in Fitness, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Chips And The Dip

short story, potato chips, humor, Modern Philosopher“Do we have any more potato chips?” The Devil asked as he leaned against the entrance way to the living room.

He was well dressed in an impeccably tailored suit.  This week’s outfit was sky blue, which made me think of Heaven.

Pretty ironic, when you consider that the wearer was the antithesis of Heaven.

“I’m amused by your use of the pronoun ‘we’, as if you also owned The House on the Hill and were responsible for stocking the shelves and filling the fridge,” I snapped back as I grabbed one of my Snapples from my cooler.

See what I did there?

“Pardon my grammatical error,” Lucifer grumbled.  “Do you have anymore potato chips in your house, which you own, you rude prick?”

I smiled and put down my Snapple on the living room table.

“If you finished that bag of sour cream and onion, then there are no more chips,” I broke the bad news gently.

“No problem,” The Prince of Darkness replied with a shrug.

He snapped his fingers, and a bag of potato chips magically appeared in his palm.  A sly grin grew on his handsome face as he walked over to the couch.

“If you can just conjure up food and drink with your dark magic, why do you eat me out of house and home every week?” I demanded.

short story, potato chips, humor, Modern Philosopher“Because I assume you were raised to be an excellent host, who always provides for his guests,” Satan answered as the sly grin transformed into a devilish one.

“But you know I’m working with a tight budget,” I countered.  “You could at least kick in a little, seeing as how it doesn’t cost you anything to snap your fingers.”

The Devil made a big play of opening the bag of chips, selecting one, and then depositing it into his mouth.  He proceeded to chew it for way too long before washing it down with a Snapple that he conjured up with yet another finger snap.

“You’ve sworn to never make a deal with me, so I thought that covered my supplying snacks,” Lucifer explained and then shoved another chip into his mouth.

“That’s just ridiculous!” I growled and fought the urge to slap the bag of chips out of his hand and halfway across the room.

“You know what is ridiculous?” The Prince of Darkness retorted.  “The content of your Sunday blog posts on weeks when you are clearly distracted by Hollywood business.  I wouldn’t mind the lame plot and flat dialogue of this post as much, if you filled me in on what was going on.”

short story, potato chips, humor, Modern PhilosopherAnd just like that, we were besties again.  He held out his bag of chips, and I took a handful.  Then I got all cozy on my side of the couch before spilling the beans.

“Remember how I told you my producer wanted to turn one of my short stories into a short film?  Well, we talked about that more yesterday, and now he wants to make it at least a thirty minute film, so we can enter it into film festivals.  That means I’m definitely going to have to expand on the story.”

“But the story is perfect as it is,” Satan gushed.  “If you try to stretch it out, you’ll mess with the pace and the surprise reveal.”

I tap my nose to let him know he is correct and I agree one hundred percent.

“I pretty much said the same thing,” I assured him.  “So we talked about adding more characters and scenes leading up to the twist, which I’d be find doing.  I’ve already come up with some ideas.  But then I pitched him something that I think is even better…”

I paused both for dramatic effect and because I was thirsty and needed a giant gulp of Snapple.  But mostly, I paused to annoy my guest, who takes such joy in annoying me.

“Tell me now, or I will see to it that you spend all eternity pitching screenplay ideas in Hell!” The Devil threatened, but with a smile.

“I told him I had a few other short stories with a romantic comedy bent that I’d like to fold into this script, and then figure out a way to link the story lines,” I finally revealed.

short story, potato chips, humor, Modern Philosopher“So what did he say?” Lucifer asked eagerly and then threw a handful of chips into his face hole.

“He liked the idea, so I immediately emailed him my three favorite stories,” I revealed.  “I already know which one I want him to pick, and have been plotting out how to intertwine it with The Blind Date.”

“I checked with him today, but he hasn’t decided yet on how he wants me to expand the story,” I continued.  “I just hope he tells me soon because I need time to write the screenplay.  Unlike some people, I can’t just snap my fingers and make whatever I want magically appear.”

The Prince of Darkness held up his Snapple in a toast, and I quickly tapped it with my bottle.  Then we chugged the rest of the contents.

“Cheers to having a very good reason for writing such a lame Sundays With Satan Short Story this week!” he exclaimed.

“Thanks,” I answered with a proud smile.  “But you still really need to stop eating all my food and drinking all my Snapple!”

Satan then snapped his fingers, and we faded to black…

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Eye Of The Tiger, Legs Of An Exhausted Cheetah

health, fitness, running, Rocky, humor, Modern PhilosopherI’ll never be confused for Rocky Balboa, Modern Philosophers.

I’m much taller, I’ve never been in a fight, and I look horrendous in star spangled banner boxing trunks.

Plus, no matter how badly your ears lie to you, there is a huge difference between the Brooklyn and Philadelphia accents.

But I do feel like the shortest heavyweight champion in the world for one simple reason…

I’ve got the eye of the tiger.

I was going to ask one of the interns to cue the music and blast Survivor’s classic tune for you now, but none of the interns showed up for work today.

There was an Imagine Dragons concert in Bangor last night and it’s a beautiful day today, so none of my college slackers felt well enough to fulfill their blog obligations.

Clearly, those kids do not have the eye of the tiger.

So why do I feel like I’m channeling my inner Italian Stallion?

health, fitness, running, Rocky, humor, Modern PhilosopherI’m participating in a wellness competition with over 150 over people.  At the moment, my team is in third place, but more surprisingly, I am leading the individual standings.

For the past twelve days, we have been pretending to walk/run across the Hawaiian Islands.  We upload our steps to the wellness app via our fitness trackers, and the competition tells us how far we’ve ventured.

My team has been in the Top 5 since Day 1.  I don’t think there’s enough time for us to leapfrog those ahead of us to take home the gold, but we are trying.

In the individual category, however, victory is mine if I can just remain perfect for the next four days.  And by that, I mean that the competition allows a maximum of 30,000 steps per day.

You know I challenged that rule on Day 1 by doing more than the max to see what would happen.  Alas, it only credited me with 30,000 steps.

Zoinks!  Foiled again!

For the first five days, only one other competitor was able to match me with 150,000 steps.

At that point, maybe his tiger eye got blurry or something, but all I know was that on Day 6, I was the only one who still had a perfect score.

I didn’t need to be a math genius to calculate my path to victory.  Just stay perfect, and no one would be able to beat me.

Of course, collecting 30,000 steps a day is no simple task.

That’s fifteen miles.  For fifteen straight days.  No days off.  No slacking.

health, fitness, running, Rocky, humor, Modern PhilosopherSweet Apollo Creed, are my legs tired!

I get up early every morning to run 5 miles before work.  Yes, that means I even run on Monday and Friday, which have been my official rest days for over a year.

Every night, as soon as I get home from work, I go on a very long walk.

Then I walk again after dinner.

And I walk until my FitBit mercifully informs me I’ve hit 30,000 steps.

Some nights, that magic moment occurs as I’m walking up the stairs to go to bed.  I’m really pushing myself to hit that goal, but I think it’s totally worth it.

People have questioned my sanity, however.  They wonder why I’m putting myself through this when there’s no actual prize involved.

The answer is simple: I’m doing it for me.

I’d have the interns blast Eye of the Tiger now if they were here, so just imagine that the song is playing very loudly as you read this.

I very rarely win anything.

I have a tendency to push myself only so far, and then back off when things get tough.

I want to win this because fourteen months ago, I was a fat, lazy, out of shape lump who never got up off my couch.  That version of me would never have lasted one day in this competition.

Now I’m very close to winning it.

If that doesn’t make sense to you, then maybe you’ve never been blessed with the eye of the tiger.

I’m at 21,000 steps for the day, so I’m well on pace for Day 12 to be perfect, too.  I have a 25,000 step lead over the second place competitor, but I refuse to let up and coast.

Winners don’t back into victory.  They run through the tape and keep going until their exhausted legs finally refuse to work any longer.

health, fitness, running, Rocky, humor, Modern PhilosopherI know there is no trophy for this, but if there were one, I’d raise it proudly and give it a big kiss.

Then I’d fill it with Snapple and chug from my trophy until it was empty.

Yes, having the eye of the tiger does make a guy that thirsty.  Trust me!

Posted in Fitness, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Facing Another Fear (From A Very Long List)

facing your fears, psychology, humor, Modern PhilosopherI make no secret of the fact that I’m a quirky introvert with a laundry list of phobias, Modern Philosophers.

That’s far too obvious to hide, even from people who have been brought into my life via the magic portal that is the internet.

I have been making an effort to face some of my fears, though.

This past Winter, I made serious progress with my fear of driving in snow.  Recently, I tried to face my fear of living in a world where Donald Trump is President, but that didn’t go very well, and I had to scurry down to the basement bunker of The House on the Hill to hide for a few days.

The thing is, when I finally do face a fear and have a positive outcome, there’s no one around with whom I can share my excitement.

Sure, the interns are always moping around the place, but all they care about is getting their college credit and tapping me of my knowledge about how to be a great blogger.  They simply roll their eyes and scratch their scraggly beards when I try to share a personal success story.

Thankfully, you guys tend to read what I post on my blog.  So in my mind, that means you take some interest in my silly stories about my conquering another peculiar fear.

Today, it was the fear of driving someplace I’ve never been.

Once again, driving fuels my phobia.  Being afraid to drive somewhere new means I’m really limited in the places I can go.  Which, in turn, means I can’t meet new people, experience new things, or behave like a “normal” person.

I blame this all on growing up in New York and never needing to know how to drive because I could take public transportation or walk everywhere.

Today’s destination wasn’t very far from home.  I had a general idea of where it was, but no clue how to get there.

Instead of my usual panic, I decided to be rational and ask a friend for directions.  They weren’t very exact, which is worrisome to someone with my fear, but they gave me a better idea of where I was going.

facing your fears, psychology, humor, Modern PhilosopherI turned to Google Maps for more help.  Even those directions were a little vague, but I committed them to memory and assured myself that would be enough.

Before you ask, my new car does not have GPS.  Nor does it take me to my desired location when I shout commands at it.

The realization of that last one was a real let down.  Alas, I will never be Michael Knight.

On a positive note, I did not obsess over this morning’s drive all weekend, which is my usual m.o. for such a scenario.  I considered going for a test drive on Sunday to see if I could get to the destination, but I told myself that was ridiculous.

I’m a grown man with a dependable vehicle and something that resembles a sense of direction.  My destination was fairly close to the Police Station, so I knew I could always go there for help if I ended up desperately lost.

I thought about going back onto Google Maps again this morning, but talked myself out of it.  That would just be feeding my fear.  I had to trust that I had this under control, knew where I was going, and didn’t need to keep looking for help.

My one concession to my phobia was to leave early, which would allow me plenty of time to find my way should I (inevitably) get lost.

Guess what?

I didn’t get lost.  Proof that miracles happen.

Sure, I almost missed the turn off, but I was going super slow down the main road and caught sight of the street sign before I passed it.

Thankfully, there was no traffic behind me, which might have increased my anxiety and caused me to drive on past the road I needed.

facing your fears, psychology, humor, Modern PhilosopherNow there’s one more place I can drive to any time.

Of course, I’m not suddenly going to seek out new driving destinations, but each time I successful navigate a new journey, I take away some of that fear’s power of me.

Baby steps.

Or baby drives.  It’s still progress.

Thanks for allowing me to share.

Posted in Humor, Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

The Daily Hellfire

short story, newspapers, humor, Modern Philosopher“Extra!  Extra!  Read all about it!” The Devil shouted like a deranged newsie hopped up on Adderall as he entered the living room.

As always, he was well dressed in an impeccably tailored suit.  Per usual, he was being an annoying pain in the ass.

“What the Hell are you yelling about?” I demanded as I looked up from my laptop.

“I’ve got all your latest headlines!” Lucifer barked loudly to an audience of one, who was seated a mere ten feet away.  “Economy booms to highest point in a decade!  Your favorite sports team wins the championship!  President promises free ice cream to all citizens!”

I dug a bottle of Snapple out of the cooler, and for a moment, thought about throwing it at my guest in hopes of quieting him.  However, common sense took over, and I decided to take a large sip of the iced tea instead.

“Why are you shouting out bizarre, fake headlines?” I asked when he finally went silent and sat down on the opposite end of the couch.

“I’ve decided to start a newspaper,” The Prince of Darkness explained.  “I’m calling it The Daily Hellfire, and everyone at Club Hell will get a free subscription as part of their all inclusive package.”

He let out an evil chuckle that sent shivers down my spine.

“Newspapers are dead,” I declared like a true product of the digital age.

“So’s everyone in Hell, so it’s perfect,” Lucifer countered.  “The Daily Hellfire will be packed with upbeat, positive news about life among the living.  I figure that’s an ingenious way to torture the Damned.  Don’t you agree?”

“It does sound sick and twisted,” I concurred after a long sip of Snapple to wash away the ugly taste of his idea.  “And when they’re done reading it, they can just toss it into the flames to further fuel the actual Hellfire.”

short story, newspapers, humor, Modern PhilosopherThe Devil clapped in glee.  “I love the way you think.  This is why I want you to be my Editor-in-Chief.  What do you say?”

I had no idea what to say.  I didn’t know how to run a newspaper.  Nor did I want to learn.

But you don’t disappoint Lucifer.

“I’m not at all qualified,” was what I came up with as my best option for getting out of this one without feeling the wrath of his pitchfork.

“I disagree,” The Prince of Darkness shot back as a devilish grin spread across his handsome face.  “You are an excellent writer, and I’ll give you everything you need to make this work.  I’ll take care of the actual publication and distribution.  I just need to come up with ideas, oversee the writing staff, and decide what makes it into every edition.  You can work from The House on the Hill, and communicate with your staff via computer.”

Work from home without having to interact with anyone face to face?  Satan really did know a thing or two about temptation.

“The Catholic Guilt from knowing who my boss was would be just too much.”  I tried to play the religion card to get me out of this one.

He was not having it.

“There would be a signing bonus, of course,” The Devil raised an eyebrow as he sweetened the deal and dangled it in front of me like a mouse in front of a starving kitty.

“And how much would that be?” I asked.  You know, just out of curiosity.

short story, newspapers, humor, Modern Philosopher“How much do you still owe on your mortgage?” Lucifer replied without hesitation.  “Whatever amount pays it off is your signing bonus.  You’ll no longer have that hanging over your head, and you’ll be free to write full time.  Just like you’ve always dreamed.”

I chugged the rest of my Snapple.  It really was an awesome offer.

Could I actually pass on a job like this?  Even if it meant being an employee of The Prince of Darkness?

“Let me pray on it,” I finally answered because I’m a wise ass and never know what to say when it comes time to make a crucial decision.

“Take all the time you want,” Satan assured me.  “It’s not like your customers are going anywhere.”

He gave me a knowing wink, and I starting contemplating what could be the biggest decision of my life…

What do you think?  Should I take the job?

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments