Why Thanksgiving in Maine is Unique (Please Don’t Be Jealous)

Thanksgiving is fast approaching, Modern Philosophers, and I know that most of this blog’s followers are not from Maine.  So, I thought it would be fun to share some of the local holiday announcements to give you a taste of Turkey Day in Maine.  Remember, it’s still not too late to get up here for the holiday!  We’re the ones in the upper right hand corner of the map…

WARNING! BANGOR IS A NO FLY ZONE WEDNESDAY NIGHT! The Glorvokian Armada will be putting on its amazing laser light show on Wednesday night at 8:00pm.  Because of the speed of their spacecrafts, our technology’s inability to pick them up on radar, and the lethality of their lasers, the FAA has declared the air over Bangor to be a No Fly Zone from 8:00pm – 9:30pm.  Bangor International Airport will provide free shuttle service to the festivities so that all stranded travelers might enjoy the show while inconvenienced.

FREE FISH FRY FESTIVAL!  The Mermen and Mermaids of Maine invite you to their annual Thanksgiving Fish Fry on Wednesday at noon at the Penobscot River Boat Landing.  As you know, our friends from the river fry up the most delicious omelets and will be sharing their newest recipes with you.  Admission is free, but donations will be accepted to help ocean life displaced by Super Storm Sandy.  Remember, come to see the food, but don’t come expecting seafood!

VOLUNTEERS STILL NEEDED FOR HUMAN TOSS!  We still need volunteers for the Annual Thanksgiving Morning Feast of Strength Competition (note from Austin: yes, it’s “Feast” not “Feats”…clever Thanksgiving word play!).  Due to a record number of entrants this year, more people are needed for the Human Toss.  Must be over the age of 18 to volunteer, and it helps if you come in Pilgrim costume.  The Bangor Region of Giants, the Intergalactic Muscle Association, and the Amazon Foundation of Northern New England thank you for your support.  You must sign insurance waiver in order to participate.  Safety gear will be provided.  Come get tossed!

ZOMBIE WARNINGS!!!  Please remember that Zombies are attracted to turkey almost as much as they are to Leprechauns and human brains.  Please dispose of your leftovers properly.  Double-Sealed containers are highly recommended.  Stop by the Fire House on North Main St if you would like to deposit your leftovers there for burning.

TICKETS STILL AVAILABLE FOR THE OTHER WORLD/OUT OF THIS WORLD FEAST! This Bangor Thanksgiving Day tradition will be held at the Bangor Auditorium and will have sittings at 1:oopm, 3:30pm, and 6:00pm.  You must be non-human to attend.  Tickets are $25 (Earth money only please!) and include a full meal, dessert, and two drinks.  Entertainment will be provided, and we can only say this much: It is out of this world!

That should give you a good idea of the local flavor, and help you understand why I love living in Maine so much.  Sure, it snows all the time and there are no pro sports teams, but what other state in the Union has its airspace patrolled by an Alien Armada?

We have so much to be thankful for this year, but I’m especially thankful to be able to call myself a Mainer!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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15 Responses to Why Thanksgiving in Maine is Unique (Please Don’t Be Jealous)

  1. Can Zombies be attracted to milk and cookies? 🙂

  2. NO…DID YOU SPRINKLE THE BRANDY ON YOUR TONGUE, INSTEAD OF ON THE FRUITCAKE AGAIN…THIS YEAR? 🙂

  3. Those diva fish…couldn’t they just call it an Omelet party instead of getting the bloodthirsty types excited at the possibility of seeing the merpeople kill off their cousins & serve them? The disappointment could start a riot!

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