The Devil Gives His Due

It’s Thanksgiving, and guess who decided to pop in unannounced? That’s right, the Devil.  Apparently, the Prince of Darkness doesn’t believe he needs a reservation at The House on the Hill.

Since he was here and eating all my pepperoni and cheese, I figured I’d might as well get a blog post out of it.

So I posed the required question of the day: “What the devil are you thankful for, Satan?”

My underworldly squatter chuckled, popped another slice of pepperoni into his mouth, and spread out his wings on the back of the couch.  “I’m thankful that people never change.  I’m thankful for new advances in technology, which lead to people wanting to sell their souls for the newest little gadget.  I’m thankful that foods continue to get richer and tastier, leading the masses to be willing to bargain for a smaller body in which to hold the soul that now belongs to me.  I’m thankful for leaders that insist on waging wars.  I’m thankful for the Seven Deadly Sins, which are basically an all you can eat buffet of evil that humans simply cannot resist.  I’m thankful to movies, prime time television and violent video games for teaching the youth of the world how to grow up as sinners.  Need I go on because the list could keep me going until Christmas.”

I raised my hands in surrender, and then snatched away the tray of pepperoni and cheese.  I had to do something to take a stand for humanity.

“Can I add one last thing?” Satan queried with an angelic (fallen angel?) look on his face.

“I don’t care,” I mumbled in reply.  “It’s not like I can stop you.”

“I’m thankful for my friend Austin, who despite my reputation, still welcomes me into his home and treats me like a friend.”  He then patted me on the back with one of his huge, clawed hands.

What could I say to that?  The dude might be the Prince of Darkness, but he still knew how to do a decent Prince Charming imitation when the situation required it.  No wonder people just sign away their afterlives to him.

“Here,” I blurted out as I forced the tray of snacks into his massive hand.  The Devil might’ve tempted me into hating him, but I just couldn’t keep myself in that dark place.

It was, after all, Thanksgiving and I was thankful that the nuns had raised me to know I was going to spend all eternity in the one place where he’d no longer be able to drop in and raid my fridge.

Did I really just say I was thankful for nuns???

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to The Devil Gives His Due

  1. Pingback: The Devil Gives His Due by moviewriternyu « johndwmacdonald

  2. I am crying at the Prince of Darkness taking time out of his busy schedule to stop by and eat pepperoni. Honestly, I always knew he would be up for small chatter, but the thought of those cloven hooves on my coffee table makes me refrain from sending an invite. Freaking hilarious!

    • I’m glad you liked the piece. There’s actually one, written a few days earlier, that’s the first in the series and explains how he is always showing up at my door. Feel free to go back and read that one. The Devil is a charmer, but he’s also a pest with issues! 🙂

  3. fnfkathy says:

    Just wanted you to know I have gotten several responses as I expected…:)

  4. Gardengirl says:

    Hey! Most importantly “GO IRISH!”. I’m watching the game here in Indiana. It’s half-time. Thanks for visiting my blog. I am cracking up reading yours! Yes, you did say you were thankful for nuns. If you have the devil on one shoulder, it’s always good to have someone from the good side on the other, so maybe you shouldn’t take it back.

    • Go Irish! Close game, but they’re up at the half. I’ve been scared of nuns since first grade, and I don’t think that will ever change. Thanks for reading. I’m going to be back to visit yours for sure…

  5. Who knew that cheese & pepperoni would save you!

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