Fowl Christmas Shopping Trends in a Down Economy

Modern Philosophers, the economy is still in a downturn and as a result, you might be getting something a little “fowl” under the tree this Christmas.  According to my source in the Gift Giving Regulatory Commission, cheaper gifts are trending this year because people still want to spread the Holiday Cheer, but since they are in the red, they have less green with which to do so.

So get ready for Christmas Eggs!  You heard me right.  The chickens who produce brightly colored Easter eggs have nothing to do the rest of the year, so some creative farmers have decided to fix that.  “People lover Easter Eggs,” Farmer Bob explained, “so why wouldn’t they love Christmas Eggs?  Truth be told, I’m losing money with my chickens only producing eggs fit for one holiday.  I need this to work, or I’m gonna lose the farm.”

How does a farmer get a chicken to lay a Christmas egg?

“We get Easter eggs by feeding the chickens Easter candy,” Farmer Bob replied.  “So to get the Christmas Eggs, we’ve been feeding them fruitcake and egg nog.  The chickens love it!”

My sources say the results were not pretty at first.  The eggs were an odd mix of pastels and snowmen with bunny ears, but eventually the farmers found the right feed and the Chickens produced.  Boy did they produce!

“There musta been something in that fruitcake,” Farmer Bob confesses, “because we got ourselves about three times the eggs we normally would.  Guess you could call that too much of a good thing?”

The surplus of eggs combined with the fact that farmers don’t yet know how consumers will react to the product has led to some very low prices at your dairy counter.  A recent trip to three Maine supermarkets revealed that a dozen Christmas eggs were going for 99 cents.  If you have an egg lover on your Christmas list, you might want to pick up a couple dozen of these bad boys.

I asked my source at the Vatican what Jesus thought of this latest weird gift being produced to take advantage of His birthday, and the spokesman told me quite simply: “Jesus wept”.  Apparently, he’s not an egg lover.

The other gift trend sweeping the nation is A Partridge in a Pear Tree.  Sure, that’s always been the traditional first day of Christmas gift, but shoppers on a budget are now making that one gift count for all twelve days.  I caught up to a shopper leaving The Partridge Parlor at the Bangor Mall to get her thoughts: “I’ve always been happy to buy my loved ones all the gifts for the twelve days of Christmas, but this year, they’re wicked expensive and I just can’t do it.  Do you know what they want for one Lord A Leaping?  I can’t afford that let alone multiple ones.  We’re gonna have to make due with the partridge.”

My sources tell me that the Partridge and Pear Tree Proprietors of America were the first to pick up on the idea that Christmas might be too expensive this year, and they slashed their prices and came up with an aggressive advertising campaign to make their customers think that one present could be enough for a dozen days.  Now, they’re reaping the benefits of the move.  Someone’s going to have lots of gifts under the tree this year…

How is the economy affecting your Holiday shopping, Modern Philosophers?  Do you find yourself cutting back, or are you happy to put yourself in debt to spread a little Holiday Cheer?  Will you be having Christmas Egg omelets for breakfast on Christmas morning?

Just remember, the Holiday Season is all about giving.  A cheap present is still something to unwrap on Christmas morning.  Spread some Holiday Cheer even if it means doing all your shopping at The Dollar Store.  I promise you, it will still make someone’s Christmas merry and bright.

Happy Holidays!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Fowl Christmas Shopping Trends in a Down Economy

  1. susielindau says:

    My sister-in-law raises chickens. I wonder if she has tried this… 🙂

  2. grannyK says:

    I’m off to buy some chickens!

  3. heysugarsugar says:

    Farmer Bob marry me ! lololol x

  4. CheyenneKayCheyenne says:

    Reblogged this on cheyennecharlie and commented:
    The Holiday season begins when the lawn mower is put away, the patio furniture are stored, and the clock is set back.

  5. gatesitter says:

    Christmas eggs ! What a loverly idea. I actually don’t mind a little less jingle in my pocketbook as I have to be more inventive. The eggs will be a nice touch with spray painted pine cones and marshmallow snowmen 🙂

  6. Are you sure the farmer isn’t the fruitcake. Mixing holiday traditions are as bad as mixing metaphors…it simply should not be done. But that’s just me. I don’t want to put the Easter bunny out of work.

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