This Modern Philosopher recently attended a seminar at Husson University about racism in modern society. The speaker, upon seeing all the Christmas decorations in the room, went off on a heated tangent about how the holiday promotes racism. He declared that the lyrics of “White Christmas” brainwashed people into thinking that a world dominated by Caucasians would be a perfect society.
Before the speaker was booed off the stage, he went on to mention that both Santa Claus and Frosty the Snowman, icons of the holiday, are huge, jolly white beings that promise everyone gifts and happiness if they just comply.
He then had the audacity to accuse Maine of being the whitest place on Earth…”Like 99% of your population is Caucasian and the place is covered in snow almost year round. You don’t get any whiter than that!” he snarled from his bully pulpit before security could escort him to the exit.
While the man was clearly delusional, the Modern Philosopher in me had to give some Deep Thoughts to what he had just said. I pondered on his words my entire drive back to The House on the Hill.
The answer hit me before I made it to my front door. Maine was not the whitest place on Earth and Christmas did not promote racism. How did I come to that conclusion? Simply by taking in my surroundings on my drive.
The human population of Maine might be heavily skewed to the Caucasian side, but the 
non-human population is a rainbow of colors. On my drive home, I saw giants caroling with ogres (do you have any idea how much those two races hate each other?). I saw witches flying overhead on brooms wrapped in tinsel and Christmas lights. They shared the skies with UFOs whose exhaust fumes had been changed to red and green in celebration of the season. Demons, Boogey Men, Ghosts, and humans were trimming the tree in the park. I saw The Devil and an Angel having a coffee at the outdoor cafe. I even saw a Gargoyle kissing a Mermaid under a strand of mistletoe down at the river.
This was all the proof I needed that wishing for a White Christmas wasn’t some sort of secret desire for a racist society. If anything, Christmas brings us all closer together. It is the one time of year when all the beings in Maine just get along and seem to be working towards the joint goal of happiness and harmony.
As much as I hate snow (it just gets to be too much after a while…), I always hope for a White Christmas. After all, who wouldn’t want the days to be merry and bright?
So what do you think, Modern Philosophers? Was that speaker off his rocker? Does wishing for a White Christmas make you racist? Once again, are you totally jealous that you don’t live in Maine?
Share your thoughts. They don’t even need to be jolly…
Oh my gosh! You crack me up! Did you really see a speaker who said those things? I have actually heard people make that claim though. Kind of sad.
Are you insinuating that I made up this speaker? That’s ridiculous!!! 😉 Everything that I report about on this blog really happened…
OK, I might be naive, but I’m not gullible. Good one!
Maine is a magical place. I keep telling everyone that… 🙂
I guess I have to come visit then. My kids say I’m a witch…but I don’t think it has anything to do with being magical. 😉
Well, if you are a witch, you’d fit right in! 🙂
I would love to see Maine!
We’re not going anywhere, so come see us some time. Well, unless the Robots take over first…
LOL!
Honestly, I think people just need to CHILL! People get so bent over anything these days. I long for the good old days when I was a kid watching the Dean Martin Show — Dean and Sammy Davis Jr. would joke around telling black jokes, Italian jokes, Jewish jokes — it didn’t matter and it was all in good fun. When did people get so angry? We can’t even say “Merry Christmas” anymore without others getting bent. Last year a woman at Salvation Army yelled at me when I wished her a Merry Christmas. She goes: “CHRISTMAS IS NOT MY HOLIDAY!” It totally freaked me out! I was just being nice. Hell, I’m not a mom but when people wish me a “Happy Mother’s Day” I say thank-you. I don’t have a dad and I still wish others a Happy Father’s Day. And when I was single and alone, I still celebrated Valentine’s Day — why ruin it for other people?
That said, I think Maine is a beautiful state. I’ve been there twice. Happy holidays to you and thanks for an honest, thought-provoking post and I hope you enjoyed my two cents 🙂
Two cents are always appreciated. A couple of pennies go a long way for a Modern Philosopher. Glad the post got your Deep Thoughts flowing… 🙂
Too funny (and yes, Maine is a place I’ve always wanted to experience)! Personally, I think that people who find such odd things to conspiritorize (is that a word? It is now) have far too much time on their hands. Send them here to clean my apartment next time!
I think you made up a word there, but it’s cool. Writers make up words all the time. 😀
This clearly renewed my jealous that I don’t live in main. I don’t think there’s anything racist about loving some snow. Does that mean painting my walls white is racist, too? Or driving a white car? …Oh my goodness. IT IS!
Maine is open to all. You should visit sometime. It really is beautiful here and definitely inspires my writing. I don’t think anything you mentioned is racist. That crazy speaker would’ve thought so, though…
Hahaha…funny you should bring this up. A good friend of mine had a beautiful black santa figurine on her table. Well, actually he was on the back of the table, behind a tree branch. Meanwhile the snowmen were front and center. I did suggest that perhaps the front of the table seemed a little bright and maybe a call to Al Sharpton was in order. Within a week I received my own black santa in the mail (a thank you for my desegregation efforts), who proudly sits front & center on the mantle. As for Maine….I could probably do the coast, but I would not survive in the wooded areas.
The Aliens in the woods would keep you safe… 😀
Dear lord!
Well, it’s the truth. It’s part of the ad campaign for trips to the North Woods. 😀
Which is exactly why I stay in my concrete jungle. My sister-in-law lives in Patton/Planet Patton.
Would love to get a peek at those aliens! And the rest of your state. I hear it’s beautiful–almost as beautiful as WV
Did you see that I wrote about West Virginia this morning? Yes, Maine is a beautiful state.
I absolutely adore Christmas and the season.
You have said so much here and I love the humor mixed with some of the sad realities of people missing out on what’s really great.
Swedish culture makes Christmas a bit different than American traditionally but wow how I love this time of year anyplace I’ve ever been.
Thank you for this, your words are like a Christmas gift for me
alison
Merry Christmas then. I’m glad you enjoy it! 😀
So many unexpected life forms in Maine! I’ll plan a visit soon, but I absolutely must wait until it warms up. For me, a White Christmas never means snow. It means you’re spending your time with your white family. So I guess if that’s racist …
Hmmm…it kinda sounds it… 🙂
You know, this reminds me of a conversation that happened between 2 friends back when I was a sophomore in high school. My gal pal, Charlotte, was informing. Me and another friend that her sister was practicing Wicca…except what she said was “my sister is a white witch.” As she said it, a black friend of our had been walking past and overheard. Turning, he said, “seriously? There’s even racism in witchcraft?” We cracked up, but he was serious. “No,” she explained. “White witches worship the earth. Black witches worship the devil. But it has absolutely nothing to do with color.”
Very true. 🙂
Someone is overanalyzing things, you could go as far as calling God a racist then for making Snow all white to begin with.
It’s just a comedy blog. Simply meant to make you chuckle…