This Modern Philosopher recently attended a seminar at Husson University about racism in modern society. The speaker, upon seeing all the Christmas decorations in the room, went off on a heated tangent about how the holiday promotes racism. He declared that the lyrics of “White Christmas” brainwashed people into thinking that a world dominated by Caucasians would be a perfect society.
Before the speaker was booed off the stage, he went on to mention that both Santa Claus and Frosty the Snowman, icons of the holiday, are huge, jolly white beings that promise everyone gifts and happiness if they just comply.
He then had the audacity to accuse Maine of being the whitest place on Earth…”Like 99% of your population is Caucasian and the place is covered in snow almost year round. You don’t get any whiter than that!” he snarled from his bully pulpit before security could escort him to the exit.
While the man was clearly delusional, the Modern Philosopher in me had to give some Deep Thoughts to what he had just said. I pondered on his words my entire drive back to The House on the Hill.
The answer hit me before I made it to my front door. Maine was not the whitest place on Earth and Christmas did not promote racism. How did I come to that conclusion? Simply by taking in my surroundings on my drive.
The human population of Maine might be heavily skewed to the Caucasian side, but the non-human population is a rainbow of colors. On my drive home, I saw giants caroling with ogres (do you have any idea how much those two races hate each other?). I saw witches flying overhead on brooms wrapped in tinsel and Christmas lights. They shared the skies with UFOs whose exhaust fumes had been changed to red and green in celebration of the season. Demons, Boogey Men, Ghosts, and humans were trimming the tree in the park. I saw The Devil and an Angel having a coffee at the outdoor cafe. I even saw a Gargoyle kissing a Mermaid under a strand of mistletoe down at the river.
This was all the proof I needed that wishing for a White Christmas wasn’t some sort of secret desire for a racist society. If anything, Christmas brings us all closer together. It is the one time of year when all the beings in Maine just get along and seem to be working towards the joint goal of happiness and harmony.
As much as I hate snow (it just gets to be too much after a while…), I always hope for a White Christmas. After all, who wouldn’t want the days to be merry and bright?
So what do you think, Modern Philosophers? Was that speaker off his rocker? Does wishing for a White Christmas make you racist? Once again, are you totally jealous that you don’t live in Maine?
Share your thoughts. They don’t even need to be jolly…