How’s it Hangin’? Santa Says Size Matters!

Santa WaveSanta Claus has to be the busiest man in the world right now, so when he Skypes this Modern Philosopher and asks if he can have a few minutes of my time, I drop everything and give the big guy my full attention.

St. Nick wanted to pass along a few words of advice to the people of Earth as they prepare for Christmas.  More specifically, he had a message for those about to hang their stockings by the chimney with care.

“Austin, please tell your readers that the size of their stockings really does register with me,” he said in a jolly, yet exhausted voice.  “When I see a stocking that is ridiculously long, I suddenly don’t feel like being so generous.  I’m certainly not going to fill that stocking, and I might very well ‘forget’ about a gift or two I have in my bag for that particular individual.”

So I take it Santa is saying that greed is not good?

“Exactly, Austin,” he replies as I begin to feel myself really locking in my spot on the Nice Stockingslist for this year.  “Christmas is a time of giving.  When I see a huge stocking hanging by the fireplace, I know that the person who put it there is only thinking about himself.  Were I to fill that stocking, I’d only be encouraging him to put up an even longer one next year.”

“What people need to remember,” Santa continued, “is that if I know everyone’s name and whether they’ve been naughty or nice, I’m certainly going to also know their shoe and leg size.  I will able able to calculate if the stocking is the appropriate size and length.”

Santa had to excuse himself at that point to deal with some pressing issues with the reindeer (please see my previous post about Donner’s pending name change for more details on that situation), but before he closed out of our Skype session, he asked me to deliver one last message to my readers.

“Please thank your readers for all the positive Deep Thoughts they have been sending my way,” he requested with a smile.  “Every little bit helps, and they are going to find a little extra something in their stockings for their generosity of mind.”

So there you have it, Modern Philosophers.  Santa Claus is a fan of your thought process.  He’s also giving you fair warning that he plans to send a message to those who are too greedy this Holiday Season, so please adjust your stockings if needed.

What do you think, friends?  Is Santa right to punish those who ask for too much?  Do you think people have the right to hang any size stocking they desire?

Fill up my stocking with your Deep Thoughts on this subject.  It’s hanging in its usual place by the fireplace at The House on the Hill…


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to How’s it Hangin’? Santa Says Size Matters!

  1. Gardengirl says:

    I am just putting one of those little gift card sized stockings up this year. Thanks for the tip! 😉

  2. grannyK says:

    I agree with Santa!

  3. I have nominated you for the Leibster award…because I believe you have a wonderful blog. Check it out at:

  4. charlywalker says:

    If deep stocking weren’t made to be filled, why did they design them so deep??

  5. gatesitter says:

    Oh yes Santa has the right to not like deep stockings, not only is he generous beyond reason but has the very difficult job of keeping the naughty or nice flight Santa and enjoy all the cookies.

  6. Pingback: Rudolph Knows Pain, Dear; More on the Famous Fractured Nose | The Return of the Modern Philosopher

  7. The whole family has average sized stockings up. We’d go smaller, but we enjoy helping Santa with filling said stockings…we leave just a little space for him. 🙂

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