The Headless Horseman today announced his plans to sue Eastern Maine Medical Center after they refused to perform head transplant surgery when he arrived at the facility several hours late for his appointment.
“It’s like they decapitated me all over again,” he snarled through his creepy pumpkin head during an impromptu news conference held in front of the hospital’s main entrance. “They promised to perform a service, I battled my insurance company to get it approved, but when I showed up, I was told I could not be accommodated.”
Dr. Victoria von Frankenstein, Chief of EMMC’s Other Worldly Surgical Team, sat down with this Modern Philosopher to give the hospital’s side of events. “I do not dispute The Horseman’s version of what happened. What he did not mention, and what he does not seem to grasp, is that a donor head is only viable for so long. After a certain amount of time, it can no longer be transplanted.”
When I relayed this piece of information to The Horseman, he came down off his high horse long enough to respond. “Do they have any idea how long a journey it is from Sleepy Hollow to Bangor? The roads are not exactly horse friendly. And there is that whole matter of my not having a head! I tend to get lost…”
Dr. Frankenstein seemed to be compassionate about her patient’s problems. “I will do everything in my power to reschedule the surgery, but it is not very often that a transplant worthy head falls into our laps. I have spoken to The Horseman and his executive assistant, Mr. Crane, and urged them to take up residence in Bangor so that they would be here when a head becomes available.”
“It’s not that simple,” The Horseman countered. “I’m cursed to haunt the streets of Sleepy 
Hollow for all eternity. Do you have any idea of all the paperwork involved with my getting permission to leave town? I would love to move to Maine and be amongst beings like myself, but it is not destined to be.”
Dr. Frankenstein smiled sadly when I told her about The Horseman’s curse. Before we could continue, however, she was paged into surgery. “An ogre who had his arm ripped off by a giant. This is going to take awhile.”
So The Headless Horseman galloped out of town, shoulders slumped, and knowing that even if the courts ruled in his favor he wasn’t going to come out with a head.
What do you think, Modern Philosophers? Is The Headless Horseman holding on to a dream that will never be realized? Should the hospital have taken better steps to ensure that the head would have been ready for surgery? Would you let Dr. Frankenstein operate on you? Does your insurance cover head transplants?
So much to ponder. I am just grateful to have a head to hold all these Deep Thoughts…
The Return of the Modern Philosopher 
I think he should hold on to his dream. I don’t want to be judgemental of a noble squash, but how many Deep Thoughts can the poor horseman expect with a pumpkin head.
I had to edit to get the post up in a timely manner, but The Horseman went on for several minutes about the cost of pumpkins, and how hard they’re to get this time of year. I felt really bad for him. Wish he could just get permission to move to Maine…
Sounds like elective surgery that most insurance plans wouldn’t cover. Certainly not my Kaiser HMO – since it’s not life-threatening (the Headless Horseman does just fine in life [or afterlife?] without it, right?), there isn’t much that state regulators could do to go after the insurance company. And I definitely don’t think this is an essential health benefit covered under the ACA…sorry to go on, but you ask me about insurance coverage, that’s what you get :).
The thing is, his insurance agreed to pay for it. That’s the miracle of all this. Something tells me that some sinister late night visits from the Horseman to his insurance administrators’ homes might have been behind that one… 🙂
As someone who works in the medical field, all I can say is good luck Headless. It’s all about the $$$$$$, not you.
Poor guy…can’t even gallop away with his head held high… 😦
Does he not have anyone who can give him a ride when his donor page goes off so that he doesn’t get lost?
He’s a proud ghost. Plus, he prefers traveling by horse…
Pride goeth before the fall…
Reblogged this on The Return of the Modern Philosopher and commented:
Here’s another one from the Archives. Just feels like a Headless Horseman kind of Monday… 🙂
I think he should re-think his eagerness to acquire a head. Some heads are so hideous that he would be better off to remain as he is right now. Free of male pattern baldness, unsightly wrinkles, acne, and headaches. He saves a fortune in haircuts, shaving products, and Q-Tips. And he doesn’t have to worry about a headshot for his Facebook profile.
You make some excellent points. You’ve clearly got a good head on your shoulders…
Very entertaining. The creepiest part is the science is getting close to doing this according to an article I read recently.
Glad you liked it. Go science! 🙂