The Headless Horseman today announced his plans to sue Eastern Maine Medical Center after they refused to perform head transplant surgery when he arrived at the facility several hours late for his appointment.
“It’s like they decapitated me all over again,” he snarled through his creepy pumpkin head during an impromptu news conference held in front of the hospital’s main entrance. “They promised to perform a service, I battled my insurance company to get it approved, but when I showed up, I was told I could not be accommodated.”
Dr. Victoria von Frankenstein, Chief of EMMC’s Other Worldly Surgical Team, sat down with this Modern Philosopher to give the hospital’s side of events. “I do not dispute The Horseman’s version of what happened. What he did not mention, and what he does not seem to grasp, is that a donor head is only viable for so long. After a certain amount of time, it can no longer be transplanted.”
When I relayed this piece of information to The Horseman, he came down off his high horse long enough to respond. “Do they have any idea how long a journey it is from Sleepy Hollow to Bangor? The roads are not exactly horse friendly. And there is that whole matter of my not having a head! I tend to get lost…”
Dr. Frankenstein seemed to be compassionate about her patient’s problems. “I will do everything in my power to reschedule the surgery, but it is not very often that a transplant worthy head falls into our laps. I have spoken to The Horseman and his executive assistant, Mr. Crane, and urged them to take up residence in Bangor so that they would be here when a head becomes available.”
“It’s not that simple,” The Horseman countered. “I’m cursed to haunt the streets of Sleepy Hollow for all eternity. Do you have any idea of all the paperwork involved with my getting permission to leave town? I would love to move to Maine and be amongst beings like myself, but it is not destined to be.”
Dr. Frankenstein smiled sadly when I told her about The Horseman’s curse. Before we could continue, however, she was paged into surgery. “An ogre who had his arm ripped off by a giant. This is going to take awhile.”
So The Headless Horseman galloped out of town, shoulders slumped, and knowing that even if the courts ruled in his favor he wasn’t going to come out with a head.
What do you think, Modern Philosophers? Is The Headless Horseman holding on to a dream that will never be realized? Should the hospital have taken better steps to ensure that the head would have been ready for surgery? Would you let Dr. Frankenstein operate on you? Does your insurance cover head transplants?
So much to ponder. I am just grateful to have a head to hold all these Deep Thoughts…