My Main Mensch Hanukkah Harry is in the House!

Hanukah HarryOne of my all-time favorite people stopped by the House on the Hill today, and as usual, he did not come empty handed.  “You can take the Modern Philosopher out of New York, but you cannot take the New York out of the Modern Philosopher!”

Hanukkah Harry and I go way back, and every year since I moved from Brooklyn, he has come to visit me right before Hanukkah, either in California or Maine, and brought me my favorite foods from home.  This year it was a dozen bagels from Bagels on the Square, a gallon of split pea soup from Cozy Soup ‘n’ Burger, fifty BBQ wings from Pluck U, and a pepperoni pizza from Bay Ridge Pizza.

After telling me how great I looked (he has always been a flatterer…) and then refusing to eat any of the food he’d brought me (“I’ve got a big night coming up and I can’t be gassy!”), Harry immediately got down to business.  “Hanukkah’s tomorrow, and still nothing about the holiday on this fancy blog of yours.  I read all about Christmas and your Catholic beliefs, but where’s the love for my people?  Are you telling me the Jews don’t read this little blogosphere of yours?”

He said it with a smile and more than enough guilt to make me want to spend the entire hanukkahnight blogging about Hanukkah, but he was right.  This blog has been very pro-Santa and has sent no love Harry’s way.  “I bet you Santa didn’t shlep all your favorite noshes up this big hill to your front door!”

He had me there, but that wasn’t enough.  He had to pull out the big guns.  “Isn’t that beautiful girl of yours one of mine?”  Sigh.  Yes, the woman who owns my heart is Jewish.  (I’m so sorry for ignoring Hanukkah on the blog, Sweetheart.  If you want, I can return all of the Christmas presents I’ve bought you…)

I promised Harry as many words as he needed for me to make it up to him.  What did he want me to write about Hanukkah?  After a long pause, which he extended by deciding he would have an everything bagel after all, and then extended even more so by having me toast it for him, he finally replied.  “To tell you the truth, I don’t know what you should write.  You’re the funny one in the fancy toga.  Can’t you come up with something witty to get all the kids on the internet tweeting about Hanukkah?”

Oh, Harry, if only it were that easy.  This led into a lengthy debate…three bagels, a dozen wings, two bowls of split pea soup, and four slices of pizza long to be exact… (“To hell with the gas…I’ll be out in the fresh air!”) about how Christmas has all the iconic characters and stories and TV specials, while Hanukkah really just has him, one catchy, but quickly annoying Adam Sandler song (“Don’t even get me started on the movie!!!”), and a complicated back story that really doesn’t make you want to get up and deck the halls.

“So maybe Hanukkah is about faith, and family and remembering what’s really important,” I suggested to Harry.

“You mean all the things Christmas wants to be, but isn’t?” Harry excitedly replied.  That really made him perk up.  So much so that he had another bowl of soup.

In the end, we concluded that Hanukkah was about what was taking place between us at the House on the Hill.  Old friends getting together to talk about the good old days, dream about the future, and share amazing food.

I promised to make an effort to write more about Hanukkah next year, but Harry just waved me off and gave me a comforting pat on the back.  “Next year, I’m going to bring you that prosciutto bread you really love.  Maybe you can have the girl here next year when I visit.  You know, so for once the Jews have the majority.”

What do you think, Modern Philosophers?  Should I have spent some more time cranking out Deep Thoughts on Hanukkah?  Can you forgive me for writing about what I know?  Do any of you have a Hanukkah story you’d like to share?  Who wants to come over and help me finish all this great food?

To all my Jewish friends out there, especially the one who makes me weak in the knees, have a Happy Hanukkah!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

31 Responses to My Main Mensch Hanukkah Harry is in the House!

  1. A deftly woven salute to Hanukkah, nod to your favorite noshes, and love note. Well done!

    I wonder if anyone else expected “. . . …three bagels, a dozen wings, two bowls of split pea soup, and four slices of pizza. . . ” to end with “and a partridge in a pear tree.”

    • I hope not because that was our actual food consumption this afternoon, and partridge really wouldn’t go with the rest of that grub. 😀 Thanks for enjoying my little report… 🙂

      • Quite a repast! I had two bags of peanut M&M’s. Try not to judge: I had to buy the second pack to nudge the first pack free from the evil clutches of the vending machine.

      • ah…sounds like you need to read my post from about 10 days ago in which I talked about my fight against the vending machine in the office, and the subsequent attempts by the machines to exact their revenge. I think you’d appreciate it… 🙂

      • My comment disappeared while I was writing, so this is awkward. Stop me if you’ve read this before: your (fabulously entertaining and well-written*) stories are casting my integrity in a bad light. I said I was taking a break from blogging, but I am glad I stumbled upon your blog before I unplugged entirely. I will read that and more soon. *I am not on the Modern Philosopher’s payroll, nor am I related to him (that I know of), nor do I stand to benefit by lauding his talents. 🙂
        A double nor. I don’t think I’ve ever done that before. I hope I didn’t pull a muscle.

    • Hippie, thanks for the wonderful comments. I’m glad you enjoy this blog. I’m also glad you’re not on the payroll because the budget is pretty tight as it is… 😉

  2. Very nice. Happy Holiday to you.We are almost to Hannukkah

  3. Finally! I was on the verge of being miffed. Happy Hannukah to you and your sweetheart!

  4. Haha..that’s….what’s the word…cute?

  5. Harry certainly rocks I’m glad I didn’t read this last night, I might have been in he kitchen rummaging for something as good as the food you mentioned. We should all have someone that makes us weak at the knees…I just loved that line.

  6. Pingback: Moroccan Burgers – A Hanukkah Miracle « jittery cook

  7. Good old Hanukkah Harry! You can always count on that guy. Save a New York bagel for me. :^) And happy Hanukkah to you and your lovely gal!

  8. Pingback: Hanukkah Harry to Ride Along with Santa Claus in Display of Holiday Solidarity | The Return of the Modern Philosopher

  9. reocochran says:

    Witty and funny post, thanks! I am glad for your lady and for the nod to the other main holiday around!

  10. sourgirlohio says:

    I’m feeling the love now:)

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