Do Zombies Dream of a White Meat Christmas???

Zombie ChristmasMy drive home from work is always a bit slower during the Holidays because I need to pass the Mall in order to get back to the House on the Hill.  Tonight’s drive was slower than usual because a couple of Zombies chose rush hour as the perfect time to emerge from the woods and try to cross Stillwater Ave.

Even though my stiletto was handy, and one of the Zombies passed perilously close to my car, I decided to let the other drivers dispatch of the intruders.  It’s a little difficult for me to commit murder, even if it is only Zombie murder, so close to Christmas.

The irony of it all was that “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” was playing on the radio as I waited for the undead to be cleared from the road.  That got me to thinking…do Zombies know it’s Christmas?  If they do, do they wish for the whole Zombie thing to end?  Or are they wishing from a big, fat, juicy brain under the tree?

Scientists at Husson University and the University of Maine have been working together to try to find out what exactly, if anything, is going on inside a Zombie’s mind.  Zombieology is one of the most popular majors at both of these Maine schools, and studies on Zombies, both living (undead?) and dead (dead dead?) are conducted there on a daily basis.

Zombie SantaWhen I finally got home tonight, I called both schools and posed my questions.  The general consensus was that Zombies do not think about anything other than finding the next meal, but there were some students who believed that vivid, powerful memories remained locked in the Zombies’ minds.  What memories are more vivid and powerful than those of Christmas?

Mainers are reminded every Holiday Season to not hang too many lights outside their homes because they attract Zombies.  Scientists posit that this is because the flashing lights catch their attention, but what if the lights trigger old Christmas memories and they are approaching them because they want to experience the Holiday one more time?

We’re also warned each year to burn our Thanksgiving leftovers because Zombies will tear apart each other just to get at the food.  We’re told that Zombies are lured by the smell of the turkey, but again, what if it’s old memories calling out to them?

Aren’t these perfect Deep Thoughts for Modern Philosophers to ponder on a chilly December night?  So I pose it to you, dear readers, do Zombies know it’s Christmas?  Do they dreams of Christmases just like the ones they used to know?  Is there something still alive up there that’s making them wish Santa Claus will bring them a fat guy who can’t run away from them?

Kick this one around, friends.  Let me know what you decide.  Happy Deep Thinking!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Christmas, Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to Do Zombies Dream of a White Meat Christmas???

  1. Combat Babe says:

    I so thought this post was going to be laced with more racial undertones. Maybe I missed them? & I don’t mean negative racism where one is better than the other, I mean neutral where differences may be pointed out. I might be opening Pandora’s box here so I think I will stop while I am ahead.

  2. Gotta love those ZOMBIES, so finicky this time of year!

  3. I think it’s sweet that you are a zombie sympathizer.

  4. According to what we’ve learned so far on The Walking Dead, zombies do not appear to retain any pre-chomp memories, so my guess is no about Christmas memories. 🙂

  5. thesidekick says:

    Seems like similar rules to living in bear country. Zombies- a pesky but manageable pest.

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