Early Christmas Morning Polling Shows Kids Are: 90% Thrilled, 2% Disappointed, 8% Jewish

presentsThe numbers are still coming in at this hour as kids on the West Coast of the United States are just now beginning to wake up and make the mad sprint downstairs to the Christmas Tree, but at this point, it looks overwhelmingly positive for Santa Claus.

The poll, conducted by an independent agency, surveyed 732 children ages 5-12 across the country.  Of those questioned, a remarkable 90% said they were thrilled with the presents they received for Christmas, while a mere 2% were disappointed (you can’t please everyone!).  The remaining 8% were Jewish kids, who were jealous of their Christian friends, but were still polite enough to answer all the questions.

Fred Claus, Santa’s younger brother and official spokesman for The North Pole told this Modern Philosopher, “We spanked that monkey the hell out of the park, didn’t we?  One of these years we’ll get the numbers up to 100%.  How any kid wouldn’t be thrilled with a free gift is beyond me, but there are brats in the world, dude.”

How about you, Modern Philosophers?  Is everyone satisfied with the haul this Christmas?  Even if there is a little disappointment, try to remember that the whole point of the Holiday is to give, not to receive.

Merry Christmas, my friends!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Christmas, Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Early Christmas Morning Polling Shows Kids Are: 90% Thrilled, 2% Disappointed, 8% Jewish

  1. I know Santa hit it out of the park for my son. As for me – I got an amazing letter from him ❤ (My Nic, not the Saintly one).

  2. melfamy says:

    And now, the rest of the story…
    Critics of the poll are pointing out that the kids questioned came from families whose incomes skewed to the higher than the median, and that the happiness factor is thus incorrect on the high side.
    And the Jewish resentment isn’t about a lack of presents but the lack of a Presence, the presence of a jolly, happy-go-lucky personage in the Christian religion. They get an old guy who calls down god’s vengeance on kids for laughing at his bald-head, and that just ain’t fair.

    Merry Xmas to you and yours, stay warm and enjoy the feast

  3. Ole Dad/grandpa here has got the give part down pat.

  4. gatesitter says:

    Have heard only squeals of delight from the kiddos around here, so they are in the 90%. Have a super jolly day. 🙂

  5. I’m only sad about the snow. I understand you are busy, but I was looking forward to it. Otherwise, a very happy holiday. Merry Christmas to you! 🙂

  6. I’m concerned that Fred may not understand the proper use of the term “spanking the monkey” and should be very careful about how he uses it in a sentence, especially in any conversations that reference children. 😉

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