The numbers are still coming in at this hour as kids on the West Coast of the United States are just now beginning to wake up and make the mad sprint downstairs to the Christmas Tree, but at this point, it looks overwhelmingly positive for Santa Claus.
The poll, conducted by an independent agency, surveyed 732 children ages 5-12 across the country. Of those questioned, a remarkable 90% said they were thrilled with the presents they received for Christmas, while a mere 2% were disappointed (you can’t please everyone!). The remaining 8% were Jewish kids, who were jealous of their Christian friends, but were still polite enough to answer all the questions.
Fred Claus, Santa’s younger brother and official spokesman for The North Pole told this Modern Philosopher, “We spanked that monkey the hell out of the park, didn’t we? One of these years we’ll get the numbers up to 100%. How any kid wouldn’t be thrilled with a free gift is beyond me, but there are brats in the world, dude.”
How about you, Modern Philosophers? Is everyone satisfied with the haul this Christmas? Even if there is a little disappointment, try to remember that the whole point of the Holiday is to give, not to receive.
Merry Christmas, my friends!