In a stunning move and a ridiculous misuse of his power, Maine Governor Paul LePage announced that all thermometers in the state had to attend mandatory counseling sessions to address their constant negativity.
“Thermometers need to learn that their attitudes affect the good people of Maine,” LePage stated in a news conference attended only by homeless people looking to get in out of the subzero temperatures. “If they don’t stop being so negative, they will be replaced.”
Maine has been suffering through a ridiculous cold spell this week with temperatures approaching -35 degrees with the wind chill. As I type this, it is -7 degrees and I am wearing my warmest fur lined toga. It is not supposed to warm up again until April.
As is the norm, there has been serious outrage over the words coming out of the Governor’s mouth. Joey Mercury, the President of the Thermometer Union told this Modern Philosopher, “Clearly, the Governor is off his meds if he thinks this cold snap is the fault of thermometers. We just report the temperature. We don’t make it this cold.”
Governor LePage countered, “That’s a boldface lie. It’s cold outside because the thermometers decide what the temperature is going to be. They can’t fool me and I won’t cave to this union extortion!”
Sigh. I don’t know how that clown got elected, but at least he’s making it much easier for whoever decides to run against him in the next election.
So what do you think, Modern Philosophers? How are you dealing with the cold? Has the mercury risen about zero where you live? Do you blame the thermometers for the cold snap? Does anyone living in a warm climate have a guest room and a willingness to harbor a fugitive from the bitter Maine Winter for a few months?
I look forward to reading your comments. I might then print them out and burn them to stay warm, so please send as many as possible. Brrrrrr!
The Return of the Modern Philosopher 
It’s been in the low 30’s at night the past few days. A nice change from two weeks ago when we were in the eighties.
Low 30s and 80s? Where do you live, it sounds like heaven! 🙂
South Carolina. It’s not heaven. It was 25 last night. Felt awesome.
I love SC too. I’ve only been there in summer though. It certainly is refreshing to go from 80 to 30 though. Reminds me of going to Vermont after a very hot summer.
Don’t rub it in, dude. I will shave your beard!
No, you won’t/can’t. I promise
Yikes, the worst thing about beautiful Maine is how cold it gets in the winter, but it sure is one of my favorite states in the summer! Here in NJ we’re below freezing for several days. Won’t get better until possibly Sunday.
I’m glad you feel my pain… 🙂
Reblogged this on This Got My Attention and commented:
It has been plenty cold here in Southern Wisconsin the last few days, -7 two days ago, this morning 0 with a windchill of -14. It’s not just the thermometer that needs a head examination.
Thanks for the reblog…
*shrug* Is Vince Clarke at The Cabin?
I do not know what you mean by this. Brain too cold to think….
Typical politician. Maybe you SHOULD invite the prettier witches to the Witch Olympics to help warm up the place. 🙂 Having a special on “cold” poetry at bythemightymumford.wordpress.com…!
I’ll be sure to check it out…
We are a bit warmer here on the wet side of Washington State this week; last week was 20s and freezing fog. But now in the 30s…almost balmy and the rain washed the crap out of the air. I’d actually like some snow to brighten the landscape.
It’s not snowing here. Just freezing! So windy and cold right now. Probably close to -20 with the wind chill. I might never leave the House on the Hill again!
Believe me, I understand the inclination to stay inside! I once lived in Maine as a child. I walked to the bus on a snowy day…missed the driveway and disappeared entirely under the snow drifts filling the deep drainage at roadside! I am told it was very difficult to get me out to school the next day.
It’s so nice and warm in here, though. 🙂
Yes….and one knows everyone inside, right?
Exactly. The House on the Hill is a safe, warm, happy place…
I wonder what it’s like having a real winter – wonder but don’t necessarily want. Here, in the Pacific NW, we really have only two seasons: Moldy and Mossy. It got below typical Moldy temperatures last week but that was a fluke and tropical compared to what the thermometers are dishing out for you. Hope that’s yak fur lining your toga!
Here we have Snow, Snowier, and Snowiest. Then there’s one week of Autumn for the leaves to change and fall… 🙂
Hey, it’s 21 here in NYC. A heatwave! Will be nice and cozy warm in the casinos I’ll be at in Atlantic City this weekend!
Enjoy. I miss my hometown and AC…
Joey’s right. Thermometers don’t make it cold. Weathermen do. It’s cold here, too (boo), but last night it snowed (yay!). Do they sell fur-lined togas in Maine, or did you have to order that online?
The Girl Who Warms My Toga bought it for me…
Someone needs to attach a thermometer that’s broken at -30 to that guy’s man parts just to test his theory… If for no other reason than to scare him. I’m okay with fear tactics on the stupid. It’s often the only way to get them to respond to anything. 😡
🙂
This is great. It reads like a spoof of a news release.
Well, it is serious news up here in Maine. Are you making fun of our weather problem??? 😉
Me?
Never.
That was serious news reporting on my part! 😉
Uh huh.
Darn, I can’t fool you. I’m losing my touch… 🙂
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I just nominated you for The Versatile Blogger Award. Check out the details here:http://wedelmom.wordpress.com/2013/01/24/im-versatile-who-knew/ Thanks for the daily dose of laughter!
Thank you so much! You are very worthy of the honor. I’m just a silly guy sharing silly thoughts, but thanks for nominating me. 🙂
You are most welcome. When one finds a good blog one should spread the word. I’m just doing my “blogging duty”. 🙂 You sir – are a writer. I am just a neurotic mom who needed an outlet.
Hey, anyone who writes is a writer! Don’t sell yourself short. Keep writing and getting your work out there. Thanks again for the kind words… Austin
Thermometers do the darndest things!
Amen! The are in the negatives again tonight, so clearly, the Counseling is not working!!!
Apparently not! Mind sending those counselors over to Ithaca for a bit?
They are way too busy trying to see all the new clients here. Sorry.
Damn, at least I tried. Guess I’m going to have to ride out the rest of the week holed up in my apartment then!
Well, you wrote on your blog that you have the flu. Shouldn’t that make your world way warmer than it needs to be???
Not when I have a fever! Then I’m just shivering all the time, even with 4 blankets on my bed.
Well, it’s cold like that here all the time. Going down to -35 with the wind chill tonight…
so i guess this is a bad time to mention it reached 70 F yesterday night……….. I slept with the covers off……ha ha ha Have fun shoveling the new snow fall ha ha ha. I am so rubbing it in right now.
The one good thing is that it hasn’t been snowing. Even Snow Miser must be too cold. Gotta find the silver lining to keep going, and I guess this is it. 🙂
dont get your hopes up you still have February to get through.
Nice thing about NYC is I’m not dressed warm enough for walking to the subway, and then dressed way too heavily the second I get on the train.
But I got my revenge today by giving them all the flu, so…
I
m fro Brooklyn. I know the feeling…
We’re feeling your pain in NH. BTW…thanks for stopping by my blog. 🙂
Of course, and thank you for swinging by mine. Stay warm! Maybe my new post about Summer will help make you feel toasty…. 🙂
Toasty is good, but I suspect there will be some slice of Summer that will be as extreme as this block of winter. 😉
I’d rather sweat than shiver. 😀
Grew up in Western New York with more Lake Effect Snow than we could keep up with. Back then, I hated the winter! The grayness and chill-to-the-bone days never ended! Now I live in North Carolina, where they get out their plow for a 1/2 inch of slush… now, the few cold days a year are extremely refreshing. I prefer my current relationship with the cold… I only have to deal with a few days/weeks a year, then it can go back where it came from!
Well, did you read we’re building a dome up here to protect us from the Winter weather? Stephen King is footing the bill…the Maine is a saint! 😀
Good luck with that! 😉
Reblogged this on The Return of the Modern Philosopher and commented:
Given that it is 12 below zero, with a wind chill of 30 below this morning in Maine, I thought I’d share this one again. Stay warm, Modern Philosophers!
Please don’t throw snowballs at me but I love a good stretch of this weather! Winter just like it’s supposed to be! -25 windchills this morning snow this afternoon – Yay!
*ducks*
Snowballs are coming…
Good luck! You can’t pack a snowball when it’s this cold! 🙂
We shall see…
I think humor warms us up – right? Are you feeling warm yet? It’s ‘up’ to 16 here in MA today. I’m trying to laugh – to warm up my frozen extremities. 🙂
It got up to 2 today, but is back down to zero. I think tomorrow, the wind chills leave us…finally.
Eep! It’s a balmy 28 degrees here in NOLA, and that’s cold enough!
Amateurs. That’s not how you do winter! 😉
haha….Oh, but we’re not used to winter! We’re creatures of the sun and humidity.
🙂