Mayor McCheese to Run for Governor of Maine; Incumbent Vows to Eat Him Alive

mayor-mccheeseIn a move that stunned political pundits throughout the state, Mayor McCheese today announced his intention to seek the Democratic nomination in the 2014 Maine Gubernatorial Election.

Incumbent Governor Paul LePage, whose approval ratings are almost as low as the current temperatures, fired back that he would “Eat him alive!”.  Having had to listen to the Governor rant and rave for the past two years, this Modern Philosopher worries that LePage (a rather hefty man) meant that literally, rather than figuratively.  Because of the Governor’s comment, Mayor McCheese has requested a security detail.

I was able to get a few minutes with the Mayor today, and he confessed that this decision came completely out of the blue.  “I had no plans to further my political career until the horrible events of the last few days,” the Mayor explained, referring to the recent arrest of his good friend Hamburglar, as detailed in this blog (The Hamburglar Incident).  “After that happened, there was such an outpouring of support for my friend and for me.  I was thrust into the spotlight and asked to appear on television and the radio.  People made it clear that they were fans of my political views.  Next thing I knew, the leaders of the Democratic Party were begging me to run against Governor LePage.  How could I not accept the call to public service?”

According to my sources inside Maine’s Democratic Hierarchy, quick polling has shown their candidate running neck and neck with LePage despite not having done any campaigning or having spent a cent on advertising.

“Every time a registered voter eats at McDonald’s, it’s a free campaign ad for our guy,” my source told me with glee.  “This election will be incredibly lopsided given the amount of fast food Mainers eat.”

What do you think, Modern Philosophers?  Do you like it when celebrities run for office?  Could a giant cheeseburger actually be a better Governor than the chucklehead currently running the state?  Do you think Mayor McCheese’s well documented friendship with a known criminal like the Hamburglar will hinder his chances?

Let me know what you think.  I can tell you, I’m excited about the future in Maine.  With the dome being built and a new man running the state, life is going to be very good…


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Mayor McCheese to Run for Governor of Maine; Incumbent Vows to Eat Him Alive

  1. "HE WHO" says:

    Love it! Mayor McCheese would be a welcome entrant into the leadership race in Ontario. He couldn’t possibly be as bad a premier as our own Dolly McSquinty. As for the Hamburglar, he’s pretty well known in these parts and his friendship with the Mayor will stand him in good stead with the low life voters who sent the Liberals to power for the last 11 years. I’ll even be happy to volunteer to work on his campaign…as long as there’s the odd sausage ‘n egg mcmuffin in it for me.

    • Well, if you read my blog post from Thursday, the Hamburglar was arrested on a parole violation for being with The Mayor. I uncovered that the Burger King was behind it, but the irony of it all was that it led to Mayor McCheese having a second act in his political career…

  2. Mike says:

    If a celebrity has something intelligent and useful to contribute to the debate, why not. I’d vote for Mayor McCheese from what I’ve read so far. If the celebrity is just trading on a name and a pretty face, or maybe even a scarface, a giant schnoz or maybe a famous husband, what’s the point. Any goober can do that!

  3. dave says:

    Will they serve him at that Governor’s restaurant? That would be poetic justice!

    • Dapper, judging from the early polls, I think it’s Gov LePage who’s going to be served at Governor’s. You should stop by and I’ll take you there to the all you can eat brunch… 🙂

  4. Polls show him a little behind so he’ll have to “catchup” before election day.

  5. There is something wrong with the polls that show Mayor McCheese “neck and neck” with Governor LePage. What neck? Where?
    Everyone can see that McCheese doesn’t even have a neck. HIs bun is on his shoulders.
    Now LePage can say that the “quick polling” was obviously skewered in McCheese’s favor, and not properly fried. What a mess!
    All is fair in politics, love, and war… I am sure that the LePage campaign is planning to do everything they can to take a bite out of McCheese’s burger and wilt his lettuce (up to and including bringing up his friendship with the nefarious McBurglar).
    Rumor has it that they are planning to run a commercial that says: “McCheese is all bun and no bite, and won’t make things go your way.”
    Bottom line is—If Mayor McCheese intends to win this race, he needs to start pouring on all of his special sauce right now, before it is too late.

  6. Hi 🙂
    I have nominated you for the VERY INSPIRING BLOGGER AWARD! Please click on the link to accept this award and check out the rules. CONGRATULATIONS!!

  7. Let me know if you still can’t see your nomination on my post – that would be very strange indeed – I use moviewriternyu as the handle/address/link for you rather than Modern Philosopher, if that’s any help?

  8. I just wanted you to know that I haven’t read this, but I like it anyway because I’m sure it’s great. It’s just that after I read the previous installment, I couldn’t stop thinking about cheeseburgers and french fries and in less than 24 hours I found myself in the drive-through lane getting a fix. My metabolism can’t handle a second cheeseburger post right now. 🙂

    • Sorry for the assault on your cravings. The Girl Who Likes to Giggle just laughed so hard at the first mention of Mayor McCheese that I knew I had to throw him right back on the blog’s grill. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s