Survivor Shooting New Season In Maine; Contestants Begging To Be Voted Off

survivor-logoApparently, the tribe is not speaking fast enough.

The hit CBS reality series Survivor has secretly been filming its next season here in Maine during the coldest Winter the state has ever experienced.  This Modern Philosopher was allowed to be on the set for the first few days and filming, and I’m ready to predict that this will be the most difficult season in the show’s history.

During the first week the contestants were in town, the temperatures dipped to -35 degrees with the wind chill.  After the second night of such conditions, the Tribal Councils were a chaotic mishmash of players demanding to be voted off and sent home, or at least exiled to someplace with heat.  Several of the so called Survivors extinguished their own torches and tried to walk off the show.  The production company’s security team had to prevent their departure and filming was stopped until “everyone could get a damn grip!” (that was a direct quote from a production assistant who did not wish to give her name).

The production team never made me sign a non-disclosure agreement (maybe the guy in the fur lined toga didn’t look like a threat), so I’m going to give you the gory details on some of what I witnessed.

Clearly, the eighteen contestants were not prepared for the location or the cold.  From the conversations I overheard, they were all expecting to be dumped in the desert or on some remote tropical island.  They had all packed shorts and bikinis.  Oops!  Everyone was given a winter jacket, gloves, a hat, and boots upon arrival.  After they were divided into tribes, they were immediately thrown into the first challenge…a Snowman building contest.

Survivor Currently Filming New Season In Maine | The Return of the Modern PhilosopherThe first team to build a twenty foot tall Snowman got to choose which location they wanted as their shelter: a refurbished lighthouse on a cliff, or the old house that stood next to it.  The winners were not allowed to inspect either facility and seemed to pick the old house simply because it looked warmer (I’m thinking that wasn’t the right move judging by those old windows…).

They were immediately thrown into a second competition…a snowball fight.  The first tribe to get a player on the other side to give up in frustration was declared the winner.  This time the winning team got to pick either twenty-five gallons of heating oil for the furnace in their shelter, or one gallon of gasoline to power the snow blower that would allow them to clear a path to their shelter.  Stupidly, the winning team picked the gas because they were intimidated by the field covered in a foot of snow that stood between them and the shelter.  (A real Mainer would’ve known the snow was hard enough by now to walk on.  Any logical person should’ve realized that since the shelters were next to each other, the team without the snow blower could allow the other team to do all the work and then just walk behind them down the path they had cleared.  Duh!)

So the lucky losers knew they could at least heat their shelter for the night.  The “winners” had to hope their shelter was well insulated, or that body heat from a bunch of strangers was going to be enough to get them through their first night in Maine.

I’m not going to ruin too much of the surprise, but I will tell you that the house was haunted by the ghosts of the three lighthouse keepers who had committed suicide on the premises over the years.  The lighthouse’s beacon, on the other hand, attracted certain undead brain eaters that tend to shuffle through Maine in search of their next meal.

SurvivorTorchIt definitely made for an exciting first night and the subsequent chaos at the first Tribal Councils.  Jeff Probst, who has hosted the show from the very beginning told me, “Coming to Maine in the Winter was my idea.  I thought the contestants were getting too soft and always knew what to expect.  It was time to throw an icy, frigid curve ball at them and make it clear that I’m the boss and they are just lucky to be on my show!”

There are so many surprises lined up for this season, and many of them include the other worldly beings that so often turn up in my blog.  I am so excited to see how the “Survivors” handle that.  Plus, I am really looking forward to the luge run down Mount Katahdin and the Ski Jump into the Atlantic.  And will these poor souls from away ever figure out how to relight a furnace’s pilot light once it goes out from lack of fuel?

What do you think, Modern Philosophers?  Are you as excited as I am to watch this new season?  Do you ever think you could survive three weeks in Maine while camera crews followed your every move?  Do you think it’s fair that someone will walk away with a million bucks for lasting a mere three weeks when all Mainers survive every day of the Winter year after year?

I’m a sucker for reality TV and Survivor: Maine Winter is as real as it gets!

A true Survivor would follow me on Pinterest!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

383 Responses to Survivor Shooting New Season In Maine; Contestants Begging To Be Voted Off

  1. Pingback: When Worlds Collide: Fake Blog News Meets Reality | The Return of the Modern Philosopher

  2. Rich says:

    Coldest winter in Maine? It was cold (which is normal here) but the entire winter was warmer than what is considered normal. Degree day statistics don’t lie.

  3. mambolounge says:

    I am enjoying your blog very much! Then again, I am easily amused.

  4. floridaborne says:

    My idea of winter is anything under 70 F. It makes me shiver to read this blog. I don’t watch reality shows. They’re too much like my life. Don’t believe it? I married my 2nd husband in south Florida shortly before he was hired as an Engineer for a large company in a large upper mid-western city. A mere 3 months later I was driving his car home, a vehicle I didn’t know well. It was dusk and starting to snow. People kept honking at me. I had no idea why, just that it was annoying as hell. I followed the tracks of the car in front of me when visibility was down to nothing, making it home to find I had been driving through a blizzard with only my parking light working…at night. And no, I don’t want to go there again. 🙂

    • Austin says:

      Snow is scary. Stay where it’s warm. Don’t worry, not everything in the blog is about cold weather. 🙂

      • floridaborne says:

        I look forward to exploring more of your blog entries. I can empathize with the people who expected to go to Mexico and ended up in Maine.

      • Austin says:

        On Survivor, you should never assume you’re going anywhere. You need to be prepared for anything. 🙂

  5. Being cold makes people desperate.

  6. Ryan! says:

    Maine is cold, but not to cold don’t write about Maine. Get a life.

    • Austin says:

      I live in Maine and can write about it any time I want. Thanks for reading the blog. Stop by again. 🙂

      • Gail Hynds says:

        We’re you here for THE ice storm, we went about 10 days in the winter without power…….but we managed quite well. The most challenging I ever saw was I believe about 1967, when it snowed long enough with wind I actually saw snowdrifts as high as the roof as a 1-story house.

      • Austin says:

        I wasn’t here for that, but I’ve heard about it many times. I’m sure CBS could recreate those conditions for the show… 🙂

  7. Austin says:

    Reblogged this on The Return of the Modern Philosopher and commented:

    This post had 869 hits in the first hour after last night’s Survivor Season Finale, and has been viewed 46,000 times since I wrote it in January. Thought there might be a chance one or two of you never read it… 😀

  8. happycitizen2 says:

    as i sit here, a survivor of life, good stuff, austin

  9. amb says:

    Ow ooow – nice stats babe! (And I don’t say that to just anybody, either 😉 ) You deserve it, Doc. I feel like I’d have to deal with a lot fewer annoyances in Corporate World if everybody would just chill out and become a Modern Philosopher. With this post, it sounds like more are on their way!

  10. I am from Maine and will always love it. I have lived in California, Virginia and Florida and always want to return to Maine-Mainers are tough,caring ,go-getters and the food here is the greatest there is anywhere. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa for Maine.

  11. Funny!!!! Great way to travel via blogposts. Hey- you survived the producers of Survivor, in Maine, no less. I wonder what would happen if the contestants had gotten hypothermia. Anyway, can’t wait to see that part of the country sometime. The farthest north I’ve ever been is NH. Love that rugged individualism. Never watched Survivor. I tried…once. 🙂 Thanks for visiting my blog. I enjoy reading yours.

  12. News Burp says:

    Survivor: Maine is going to be GREAT! Looking forward to every bone-chilling episode! I’m ready to see someone lose a finger to frostbite!

    • Austin says:

      I’m just worried about the episodes when they try to eat each other to survive. Will make for great ratings, but I think it will scar a few fans for life… 🙂

  13. Linda says:

    Pahleeese…..if those people can’t survive in our beautiful state during a mild winter, then they are just sad flatlanders!
    Ayuh, Maine is the only place to live…WINTER or SUMMER!

  14. Maine, The Way Life should be !!!

  15. Karen Hill says:

    Grew up in Cape Elizabeth, Maine. Home of the lovely light house in the blog. My Grandfather was born on Breakwater Light. I’m as Maine as you can get and would be crying if I was on that show. Cold is cold. Once you are cold it is hard to ever feel warm. I’m going to watch….every single week! Can’t wait!

  16. Marcel says:

    Good-n-Funny, I’ve been a Survivor fan since day one. But like the old saying goes, “If you can’t stand Maine in the Winter, You don’t deserve it the Summer.” Shame on me sometimes when I think of back home in Central Maine during the ice storms, the mud season, the black flies and the B-52 sized mosquito’s. All while I’m stuck here in Humid, Warm and Sunny Hawaii. I do like the concept of a Survivor Show in Maine though. Anyway, Once a Mainer always a Mainer…I’d bet Jeff
    Probst would have a tough time doing a six month sentence in a ‘Maine Winter.’

  17. Todd Nichols says:

    Austin, you had me going there for a minute! I live in an area that I call the VT/ME border… Lemington, VT that borders Coos County, NH with Maine just on the other east side of NH. I am planning on submitting a vid. to Survivor and it would be great to play that game with a bunch of soft flatties during a good ole’ Northern New England winter blast! A Yut, Count ME in by tha Jeezus! I’ll bring my Jonhson’s!

    • Austin says:

      Hey, the post has had almost 50,000 hits so far, so maybe the Survivor folks will need to take it seriously! I think it would make for great TV. So where did you see this post? I’m trying to figure out why so many people are reading it today…

  18. Marcel says:

    I’m Still a Mainer, though now I live away. But you are all over Facebook..
    Hang in there .
    And screw the Yankees. GO Red SOX !!

    • Austin says:

      I’m wondering how it got all over Facebook again today. I can see all the views are coming from there. Thank you if you’ve spread the word about the post to others. I’ll even forgive your Red Sox partiality… 😉

  19. Todd Nichols says:

    I got the post from a friend who is originally from Maine… The more I think on it, the more like this idea. Especially not telling the contestants until they are “dropped off”.

    • Austin says:

      I think it would make for excellent TV. Especially is you add the snow and the cold to it. They’re so used to being in the sunshine. Make them work for it!

  20. Melissa Pierce says:

    I would love to actually see this happen..or at least have filming somewhere in the U.S.A.!

    • Austin says:

      Thanks, Melissa! I just wrote another post about it, and I hope Jeff Probst reads the new one, too. Almost 50,000 people have read the article, and most seem to love the idea.

  21. Emalee says:

    Aw, you had my hopes up there for a second. I grew up in Maine but I’ve spent the last year in Oklahoma and my boyfriend kept telling me the summers are bad here but the winters are pretty hard too. And I just laughed every time. Until you have to shovel through 4 feet of snow to get to the firewood in below zero temps, or run out of oil for the furnace in the middle of the night, you don’t know a hard winter.

    • Austin says:

      Sorry for getting your hopes up, but glad to hear you think it would be a fun idea. In my mind, one hasn’t truly survived until he has made it through a crazy winter! 🙂

  22. Being from Maine, alls I have to say is; I wanna luge down Katahdin!!!!!!! Whatcha say Sydni Stephens Martin???

  23. Diane Oliver says:

    Darn, having Survivor in Maine would be a TON of FUN if it was actually true!

  24. Peggy Giguere says:

    I have never missed Survivor,and we make it through every winter in Maine…. Would be them best Survivor EVER!!!!!!!

  25. Lesley Buse says:

    I have to tell you, the title alone made me laugh … Hard. Now, I am going to read the whole essay.

  26. Lesley Buse says:

    Going to bed laughing! I live in Iowa and can somewhat appreciate the cold weather of which you speak. Very well written!

  27. Joan E Ikeda says:

    Just a suggestion for a future show. Leave them with only a pair of large Chop Sticks. The kind used in cooking by real Chinese cooks. I learned to us them. They can be used for so many things.

  28. When I first moved to upstate NY we lost power for a few days in winter and I was stunned that the septic system needed electricity to run. My poor husband tried to explain, but I was like, “What kind of STUpid people design SEPTIC SYSTEMS!!” but I got over it. I kept the kids (who were old enough to know better) busy collecting icicles for “soup.” It was fun laughing at them.

  29. rcarr2013 says:

    Note to self: Make Hot Chili undies and Yaktrax part of my survivor go bag.

  30. Deirdre Page says:

    Great job! I loved it, and actually, it’s not such a bad idea… Man, the things I’ve learned living in Maine, I could write a book! (Dang, already been done, repeatedly). Can you say “learn to layer”? And save every scrap of paper, every dead twig that blows down from the old oak tree? One winter, an unwitting romantic fool tried to stay at their “camp” which was unfortunately located next to mine all winter— at least mine was winterized—and basically stole 3+ cords of wood from me and other neighbors, one armful at a time, trudging out every few hours all winter long. Once my wood disappeared, I had new sympathy for the “hanging” offenses of the old west! Not that I didn’t have sympathy for the poor soul who thought it would be fun to stay in their camp all winter… Then there was the guy and his son who’s snow mobile fell in the lake through an ice rift at 11pm at night banging on my door, my place showing the only light in sight. Lucky thing for them I was fool enough to stay up there that winter, cause they most certainly woulda been dead. Guy tried to rent a helicopter to pull his snow mobile out, I kid you not! About that book… Anyhow, GREAT job, exceedingly clever, good fun.

    • Austin says:

      I’m glad you are liking my posts. They has been a real groundswell for bringing Survivor to Maine after I wrote this post. It’s gotten almost 54,000 hits. People love the idea!

  31. kathie says:

    You rat! I had totally bought into your story AND was loving it. I. am. so. bummed. I think it was a fabulous idea and truly hope it will get to the “powers that be”!

  32. Pingback: Three Chairs On A Porch: Two Survivors & An Exile | The Return of the Modern Philosopher

  33. Pamela Fisher says:

    I think Mr. Jeff has fallen in love with our State of Maine……

  34. Pingback: Just Call Me A Pimpstress….Come Join The Party! | theinnerwildkat

  35. At 73 and a native Mainer born in Houlton, I’ve spent most of my working years outside during the winters. Most Mainers know how to deal with the severe conditions of our state and don’t bother to complain about it. I live in S. Portland and have since I was 1 yr old. The snows that we have today aren’t any worse than we experienced when i was a kid. Weather goes in cycles and right now we are in a cold cycle. I remember the blizzard of ’52, the double blizzard of ’78 and the ice storm of ’98. We were burned out in 1943 when I was only 2 and that was and still is the coldest February on record. So we in Maine deal with this stuff every year and are a tough bunch of jaw clinchers. We have 4 seasons which are Winter, Winter, Mud and Construction. —John

  36. dodgerbuddy says:

    When will this air? Or has it already and I missed it?

  37. Wondering if Maine is cold, Austin? Some of these comments are cray cray! 🙂 Very funny post!

  38. Pingback: Monday Morning Coffee Club: 8/11/14 | The Return of the Modern Philosopher

  39. I think this season is brilliant! It is about time they switch it up from the tropical island vacation everyone has had up to this point. Let’s see how they truly survive. I might actually watch this season.

  40. Pingback: Surviving And Thriving Via Viral Recycling | The Return of the Modern Philosopher

  41. Laurie says:

    I’m from Presque Isle, Maine and now live in virginia. The people down here have me laughing when it comes to the winters down here. Everyone is bundled up and I walk around in a light hoodie. They don’t know what a real winter is till they have been up north.

  42. That is one of the funniest blogs I’ve “evah” read! I’m from Maine and know the winters well; survived the ice storm of ’98 and remember the storm of ’67…snow drifts so high we could jump off the roof into them.
    Survivor should consider such a show! Can you imagine dropping them off on Bailey Island in January? Ha! Now that’s a show worth watching.

    • Austin says:

      I’m glad you enjoyed it. I wrote it as a joke because Maine Winters are killer, but the more that people comment in it, the more I think I would be a great idea.

      Please feel free to share the post and keep the viral momentum going! Thanks for reading and commenting! 🙂

  43. Pingback: Hump Not, Lest Ye Be Humped | The Return of the Modern Philosopher

  44. Pingback: Hump Not, Lest Ye Be Humped | The Return of the Modern Philosopher

  45. Olive says:

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts on . Regards

  46. Pingback: Friday Night Think Tank: Winter Survival Skills | The Return of the Modern Philosopher

  47. Pingback: Friday Night Think Tank: Survivor (Time Travel Edition) | The Return of the Modern Philosopher

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