Rare Vial Of Love Potion #8 Found On E-Bay

Rare Vial Of Love Potion #8 Found On E-Bay | The Return of the Modern PhilosopherIt was believed that the FDA had destroyed the most powerful love potion ever created, Modern Philosophers, but somehow, a six ounce vial of it has appeared on E-Bay and is now available to the highest bidder!

For those of you who don’t remember, Love Potion #8 was thought to be the cause of the “Free Love” movement of the 60s.  Just one sip of the potion, and the person “lucky” enough to ingest it was under its spell.

“This was no third year Potions assignment at Hogwarts,” cackled Waltzing Matilda, the Maine Witch credited with creating the potion.  “I set out to make the love potion to end the need for any future love potions.  And I rocked the cauldron harder than beds rocked all over this nation as a result of my Magic!”

The US Government finally banned the product after it came to the conclusion that “life had to go on, people had to put on clothes and contribute to society again”.  That quote was lifted from page 4 of the Top Secret Report on Love Potion #8.

“The truth was, it was too powerful,” Waltzing Matilda finally admitted to this Modern Philosopher.  “I wanted to prove I was the best that ever was, and I let it go to my head.  Too much eye of newt.  Way too much rhinoceros horn.  What was I thinking?”

love aloneI made sure not to drink anything my host offered because I am already madly in love, and had no need to be subjected to a sampling of #8’s powers.

Love Potion #8 was certainly potent.  It replaced the horrible scent of Love Potion #7 with an aroma akin to roses mixed with chocolate ice cream and sunshine.  It also got rid of Love Potion #6’s funky aftertaste.  However, after a person drank it, he did not simply fall in love with the first person he saw.  He fell in love with everyone and everything he saw for the next month.

The brew was highly addicting.  They couldn’t produce enough of it.  Generic forms were introduced, but those just led to angry love, bizarre crushes, or weird fetishes.  Love Potion #8 was one of a kind, and thankfully, is no longer available because the planet isn’t large enough to hold all the offspring that would be produced by its powers!

So how did this vial survive the purge and become available?  “I might’ve tinkered down in my dungeon recently just to see if I still had the power to whip up the best spell ever,” Waltzing Matilda told me as she once again tried to offer me a very tantalizing beverage.  “Shortly thereafter, my house was robbed.  The small vial I’d whipped up was taken.”

Witch IslandThis Modern Philosopher wasn’t really buying that story, but I’ve lived in Maine long enough to know to NEVER accuse a witch of lying.

At last check, the high bid on the vial was $995,000.  Bidding ends at noon on Valentine’s Day.  How high do you think it will go?  What kind of person would spend that much money on a love potion?  Can I get a cut of the final sales price for promoting the auction in this blog post???

Want to be my Pinterest Valentine?  Click below…


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Love, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

24 Responses to Rare Vial Of Love Potion #8 Found On E-Bay

  1. wedelmom says:

    Too much rhinocerous horn will do it every time.
    Have a great Valentine’s Day with The Girl Who Negated Your Need For Love Potions.

  2. dfolstad58 says:

    Great prose on this, and images. I love the song “Long Potion #9” as sung by the Nylons, who I think are wonderful performers. I think the love potion formula is largely composed of nutella btw. If you can’t afford this overpriced potion I suggest you make a delicious meal for your loved one, something spicy, and clean up the kitchen afterward while she relaxes. I am reliably informed this combination has wonderful results 🙂

  3. Scribelife says:

    The Girl Who Is Your Love Potion shouldn’t need to worry about Potion #8, they have a new Monogamy Hormone that they are bottling for just such an occasion!

  4. melfamy says:

    I get my love potion from a Canadian pharmacist in Windsor. Sure, it’s the generic, but what’s in a number? I love you!!

  5. marcelino guerrero says:

    No, I am solely responsible for those robberies. A product of my desperate attempt to collect enough cash to buy a potion that will remove the mushrooms from my forehead from my last swig of Potion #8 in 1969. Buyer Beware.

  6. List of X says:

    Doesn’t FDA realize that if they outlaw Love Potion #8, only outlaws will have Love Potion #8?

  7. That Waltzing Matilda … Creating problems everywhere between Australia and Maine.

  8. Hollie says:

    I wonder if Matilda was involved in the Free Love Movement of the late 1800s. The next time you see her, be sure to ask if she knew my Angela Heywood. I’m a little saddened to read that Walzing Matilda is scary looking.. I had her pegged as a saucy, good-looking witch!

    • Austin says:

      Like any Witch of her ilk, she can change her looks as she pleases. She chooses to appear as a scary, old hag to keep the suitors at a distance. She’s crafty… 🙂

      • Hollie says:

        Ah, what a good idea! She’d have to keep suitors at a great distance with that love potion…or with powers in general…no one wants another Marie Leveau situation!

      • Austin says:

        Waltzing Matilda knows that love is sometimes fleeting and sometimes influenced by magic. She prefers to wait it out and see if true love ever does track her down…

      • Hollie says:

        She sounds like a wise lady. I’ll have to buy her a brew and sit down and gain some wisdom from her next July.

  9. Pingback: Maine Witches Unveil SpellsCheck App For iPhone 6 | The Return of the Modern Philosopher

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