It was believed that the FDA had destroyed the most powerful love potion ever created, Modern Philosophers, but somehow, a six ounce vial of it has appeared on E-Bay and is now available to the highest bidder!
For those of you who don’t remember, Love Potion #8 was thought to be the cause of the “Free Love” movement of the 60s. Just one sip of the potion, and the person “lucky” enough to ingest it was under its spell.
“This was no third year Potions assignment at Hogwarts,” cackled Waltzing Matilda, the Maine Witch credited with creating the potion. “I set out to make the love potion to end the need for any future love potions. And I rocked the cauldron harder than beds rocked all over this nation as a result of my Magic!”
The US Government finally banned the product after it came to the conclusion that “life had to go on, people had to put on clothes and contribute to society again”. That quote was lifted from page 4 of the Top Secret Report on Love Potion #8.
“The truth was, it was too powerful,” Waltzing Matilda finally admitted to this Modern Philosopher. “I wanted to prove I was the best that ever was, and I let it go to my head. Too much eye of newt. Way too much rhinoceros horn. What was I thinking?”
Love Potion #8 was certainly potent. It replaced the horrible scent of Love Potion #7 with an aroma akin to roses mixed with chocolate ice cream and sunshine. It also got rid of Love Potion #6’s funky aftertaste. However, after a person drank it, he did not simply fall in love with the first person he saw. He fell in love with everyone and everything he saw for the next month.
The brew was highly addicting. They couldn’t produce enough of it. Generic forms were introduced, but those just led to angry love, bizarre crushes, or weird fetishes. Love Potion #8 was one of a kind, and thankfully, is no longer available because the planet isn’t large enough to hold all the offspring that would be produced by its powers!
So how did this vial survive the purge and become available? “I might’ve tinkered down in my dungeon recently just to see if I still had the power to whip up the best spell ever,” Waltzing Matilda told me as she once again tried to offer me a very tantalizing beverage. “Shortly thereafter, my house was robbed. The small vial I’d whipped up was taken.”
At last check, the high bid on the vial was $995,000. Bidding ends at noon on Valentine’s Day. How high do you think it will go? What kind of person would spend that much money on a love potion? Can I get a cut of the final sales price for promoting the auction in this blog post???
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