The nasty flu bug that’s been scampering around Maine has even managed to catch up with the fastest man alive. The Flash was admitted to Eastern Maine Medical Center today after a desperate 911 call stating that he was too weak to walk.
The Superhero, famous for his super speed and lightning bolt logo, is reportedly in Maine on vacation. EMTs who responded to the call, found The Flash curled up in the fetal position on the bathroom floor of his rented cabin on Pushaw Lake. He was severely dehydrated, had a temperature of 104.7 degrees, and was so delirious that he believed himself to be Santa Claus.
My sources tell me that the bathroom has been declared a disaster area.
The Emergency Department staff was able to stabilize the fallen hero and get him to realize that he was not, in fact, responsible for delivering presents to children all over the world in a single night.
The Flash has been admitted to EMMC for observation, and is now under the care of the Gastroenterology Department. He was willing to speak to this Modern Philosopher, and promised to go running with me once he recovered, if I agreed to go easy on him in this article.
He was extremely embarrassed by the situation, and knows that the other Superheroes will give him hell about having “the runs”. In fact, a gift basket of toilet paper from the Justice League of America arrived during our interview.
“Being a Superhero isn’t all glamor and glory,” The Flash told me as he squeezed one of the rolls of toilet paper to confirm it was “the good stuff”. “Our bodies are capable of doing amazing things, but they can also do some incredibly awful things that we do our best to keep out of the public eye. At least I’ll never forget my visit to Maine.”
And I will never forget the time I met The Flash. He not only autographed my toga, but he also gave me a signed roll of toilet paper. All in all, a good day at the hospital (at least for me)…