Bangor City Council Denies Dr. Frankenstein’s Request To Build His New Lab Next To All Soul’s Cemetery

castle-frankensteinThe Bangor City Council today voted unanimously to deny Dr. Victor Frankenstein’s request to build his new state of the art laboratory on the abandoned lot next to All Soul’s Cemetery.  The lot, which has long sat empty, has been a tough parcel of land for the city to sell, so this Modern Philosopher was shocked at the decision.  I decided to cross over the bridge into Bangor to investigate.

Surprisingly, none of the City Council members would go on the record with me for the story.  They were all willing to give me some information as long as I didn’t attribute a name to a specific comment.  Everyone seemed frightened to talk, which only made me more suspicious that something wasn’t quite right.

“His proposal never sat right with us from the beginning,” Council Member A began.  “He kept talking about all the jobs and new residents his lab would bring to the city, but he refused to be specific as to exactly what would be going on inside the building.”

“Have you seen the plans?” Council Member B pretty much screamed at me.  “Dr. Frankenstein refers to his new lab as state of the art, but look at the rendering.  It’s nothing more than a decrepit old castle, and he wanted to attach giant lightning rods to the top of it.  That’s just ugly.”

“What bothered me the most,” confessed Council Member C, “was his constant use of the term ‘reanimate’.  Frankenstein kept saying the lab would reanimate the economy and reanimate interest in Bangor as a tourist destination.  It just gave me the creeps.”

cemetery“And why the insistence on building on the lot next to the cemetery?” A asked me later in our conversation.  “Sure, we’d like to unload that piece of land, but there a bigger, less run down, more properly zoned lots available in more inviting locations.  I don’t know, it just rubbed me the wrong way that the only place he would even consider was next to a graveyard.”

All interesting points, but this Modern Philosopher doesn’t see any of them as deal breakers.   In this economy, a city like Bangor needs to jump on a deal like this.  I went to talk to the good doctor, and was lucky to catch him just before he was driven out of town.

“I do not understand why they rejected my plan,” Dr. Frankenstein told me as he shook his head and stared off at the horizon.  “It would have brought so many new jobs, so many new people, and truly reanimated the economy.  Sure, the building itself might not be the most attractive, but the design is in honor of my family’s castle back home.  Since it was going to be next to the cemetery, I thought it would look perfect there.  Think of the amazing Halloween parties I would have hosted every year…”

Dr F“Men of science are so often misunderstood,” he said sadly as he shook my hand and his hunchbacked assistant loaded the last of his master’s bags into the back of the SUV.  “I would have done great things for Bangor, things that people would still be talking about centuries from now.  Now, I guess I will just have to do those things in Vermont or New Hampshire.  It’s Maine’s loss.”

With that, he got into the back of the mighty vehicle and was gone.  I think it was a monster of a mistake for Bangor to not let Dr. Frankenstein build his laboratory here, but I live in Brewer, so my opinion doesn’t really matter much to the City Council.

What do you think, Modern Philosophers?  Do you think this was another case of politicians making a stupid decision?  Do you see any problems with Frankenstein wanting to build his lab next to the cemetery?  Wouldn’t you want to go to a Halloween party thrown at a spooky castle/lab built next to a cemetery?

I just having a feeling that Frankenstein is a name we’re going to remember forever…

 

 

 

 

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

47 Responses to Bangor City Council Denies Dr. Frankenstein’s Request To Build His New Lab Next To All Soul’s Cemetery

  1. grbxxenormyn says:

    okay, i know.. an old bad joke but… “so then was Dr. Frankenstein one of the first body builders?”

    • I couldn’t tell if he worked out. He was wearing that big lab coat… 😉

      • grbxxenormyn says:

        hope you don’t mind, i gave your blog address to a blogger from DC (no, not the comics people.) he liked my piece on the late Pope John Paul II, so i told him about the piece your wrote about Pope Benedict’s retirement.

      • Thank you. Always feel free to share. The more modern philosophers in the group, the better. 🙂

      • grbxxenormyn says:

        gladly. you as well.
        been meaning to ask you; i’ve had an idea for some time now about writing a piece for an alien reality show. but since i have never watched them, and not quite sure where to start (other than maybe having them kicked off the planet), i was wondering if you would like to do it? i read your piece on “survivor” being shot in Maine; very cool.

    • What did you have in mind regarding the alien piece?

      • grbxxenormyn says:

        as i mentioned, so far the only idea i had written down was for the losers to be kicked off the planet. i don’t watch much TV, so i am not sure how they do things on those so-called reality shows. i will leave it up to you how you want to write it.
        it was to go with part of another blog i started, “The Family Xenormyn”, about a family from another galaxy. I need to do more on that one, one of these days..

      • Well, you need to remember we have actual Aliens living in Maine, so they could just take the losers back to their home planet. Let me think on it and let you know. I’m Austin, by the way… 🙂

      • grbxxenormyn says:

        cool.. i’ll have to visit Maine one of these days and meet some of them. Maine is one of the few states I’ve yet to visit.
        i’m dennis, currently in the south, but originally from new jersey, the toxic state.. um, i mean the Garden State. 😛

      • Ewww…Joisey…said the guy from Brooklyn. 🙂

      • grbxxenormyn says:

        i’m south jersey, a “hick from the sticks” 😀

      • Jersey is Jersey, dude. 🙂

  2. josefkul says:

    Dr. Frankenstein should just move in next to Stephen King and all will be solved. Think of all the excellent novels he could inspire.

  3. I’m not sure I have enough information to make an informed decision…

  4. Paul H-C says:

    It’s probably because EMH, St. Joes, or one of the tax-exempt “non-profits” have their oh-so-profitable eyes on it.

  5. mudlips says:

    Yeah, why didn’t he cross the bridge? Scientists are not only misunderstood, they are generally not businessmen or developers either. Still, not hard to see that Brewer has the amenities he’s looking for: cemeteries, witches, gargoyles, and body-possessing ghosts. I just read that Brewer is, “1 of only 9 communities in the State of Maine certified as a Business-Friendly Community.” That’s gotta count for something in Dr.F’s twisted mind.

    • I just don’t think there’s any free land next to any of the cemeteries. Good job doing research on Brewer. 🙂

      • mudlips says:

        As a geographer, I thought it high time that I know exactly where Brewer is located. So off to the City’s website. I do have more research to do as I have no idea who Joshua Chamberlain is. Should I? And, I find it curious that the City’s cemeteries are administered by the Parks and Recreation Department…that alone should have brought Dr. F. to town!

    • Chamberlain’s Bridge is right down the block from The House on the Hill, so you should do more research on him. 😀 I didn’t know that Parks & Rec handled the cemeteries, but it makes sense…

  6. youngemt95 says:

    I feel like this is satire towards Maine being against business…

  7. huzart says:

    hey how come u “Modern Philosophers” use full words ?

  8. "HE WHO" says:

    Do you think there is a familial link between Dr. Frankenstein and Dr. Frank-N-Furter? Are they the same scientist but using aliases? Janet? Janet?

  9. Eagle Tech says:

    It’s hard to imagine Bangor turned him down. You’d think they expected him to do something crazy like, dig up dead bodies and piece together a new one from the parts. I mean really, how silly is that? Some people just aren’t forward thinking enough. 😉

  10. I was initially on the side of the city council and completely opposed to the Frankenstein castle, but after reading the Dr’s quotes I’m not so sure. Those legendary Halloween parties sound extremely enticing!

  11. Science is SOOOOO MISUNDERSTOOD! 🙂

  12. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
    SCIENCE IS SOOOO MISUNDERSTOOD!!! :-)–Jonathan

  13. jaklumen says:

    As Gene Wilder said: “It’s Frahhken-STEEN!”

  14. Luann says:

    The City Council are all aliens.

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