President Obama Announces New Anti-Racism Initiative: “Time To Repaint The White House!”

Barack ObamaPresident Obama stunned the White House Press Corps today when he made a surprise announcement about his new idea for fighting racism.  “As you know, I have already made amazing strides against racism in our country by becoming the first African American to be elected President, as well as being the first African American ever re-elected to that position,” the Commander in Chief reminded the assembled body of reporters.  “I think it’s time to do even more, and since I cannot be elected to a third term, I came up with an idea that’s almost as exciting.”

“We’re going to paint this building, and we’re finally going to change its name to something far less racist and more representative of the elaborate mosaic that is the United States of America.”

cans-of-paintMy sources tell me that there was dead silence in the room after the announcement.  The President looked around, saw the looks on the faces of the Press Corps and then flashed his most charming smile.  “Don’t worry,” he told them in his most reassuring voice.  “When I said we’re going to paint this building, I didn’t mean you guys had to do it.”

This earned the President a standing ovation.  When asked about what color he planned to paint the residence, the President replied, “Given the current state of the economy and this sequester, my choices might be limited to whatever is on sale down at the hardware store.”

whitehouseAs for his ideas on a new name for the house on Pennsylvania Avenue, President Obama was non-committal.  “That’s something that I’m going to have to discuss with my advisers, my Cabinet, Michelle, and my real estate agent.  Joe Biden thinks he should get to do the renaming because he plans to live here for another eight years after I’m gone, but I’m a little worried at some of the suggestions he’s already tossed my way.”

The President would not reveal the names offered by his Vice President, but my sources told me that he did deliver the line about Biden planning to live there for another eight years with a straight face.

So what do you think, Modern Philosophers?   If you were in charge of painting and renaming the White House, what would be your plan?  Had you ever considered that calling it the White House was racist?  Do you think the next President would really allow Joe Biden to live in the place for eight years?

I like forward to reading your comments.  Hail to the Chief for creating jobs for local college kids looking to make a little extra money over the summer…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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51 Responses to President Obama Announces New Anti-Racism Initiative: “Time To Repaint The White House!”

  1. nell says:

    I would paint it in a surreal and collagist fashion using various stencils of words like “peace” and “love” and other kinda groovy feel good stuff. The colors: black,brown,yellow,red, leaving alone some of the white that is already present. The colors would be meticulously measured in order to achieve equality in area covered. It would be beautiful and I would call it “America”s House”!

  2. jrosenberry1 says:

    1) If you were in charge of painting and renaming the White House, what would be your plan? Paisley. Red, white and blue paisley.
    2) Is “White House” racist? No. It’s white. It’s a house. It’s a White House.
    3) Would next president allow Biden to live in the White (or whatever) House? Are you kidding? He’s GOING TO BE the next president.

  3. jrosenberry1 says:

    Nope. I think he kicks arse.

  4. Ashana M says:

    Purple. For sure.

  5. kodonivan says:

    Well, I’m a traditionalist and I would leave it alone. Perhaps the current residents do not grasp that this house does not belong to them and therefore they have no business painting it.

  6. "HE WHO" says:

    “Do you think the next President would really allow Joe Biden to live in the place for eight years?” HAHAHA. That had me rolling on the floor!

  7. List of X says:

    As far as I know, there are many hidden rooms in the White house, so with some luck, Biden may be able to live there undetected for years.
    About the alleged racism of the White House… Let’s judge it not by the color of its paint, but by the content of its Oval office.

  8. Eagle Tech says:

    You could paint it blue and call it the “Cerulean Castle,” or “Blue Bastion.” Maybe paint it green and call it the “Green Gate of Freedom,” or the “Malachite Mansion,” or the “Viridian Vessel of Victory.”

  9. Replace roof with glass and call it the green house. Do you know how and why it became the White House? see War 1812.

  10. Pingback: Survivor Honcho To Turn President’s Paint The White House Idea Into A Reality Series | The Return of the Modern Philosopher

  11. rainbow, of course. It covers all diverse races and brings in the gay agenda too! That should make everyone happy, don’t you think?

  12. He sounds like he paints “with all the colors of the wind”…

  13. samantha045 says:

    This is great! Love it.

  14. It’s a toss up between camouflage to protect against Congress just happening to “drop in,” and tie dyed, ’cause who doesn’t love an old hippie.

  15. ctperry744 says:

    I once read an article about a lady in Japan that hid out in some guy’s one bedroom apartment for weeks without him knowing. She would hide behind stuff on a shelf in the closet at night when he was home, and come out when he was at work to take showers and eat and stuff. Weeks! The guy finally realized his food was disappearing, and she ended up getting caught that way.
    If that story is true, I’m sure Biden could find all kinds of nooks and crannies to hide in the White House, or whatever it will be called, for 8 years.

  16. craig says:

    Its been the white house since it was built. Has nothing to do with the color of someones skin. Only a moron would think that it did. Sounds like there is a racist in the white house.

  17. Evan says:

    The “White House” is is an American Tradition. Renaming it is a terrible idea. Not only does it get rid of the pride of over 200 years of the house, but what would he call it? “The multicolored anti-racial House”?

    • Austin says:

      I’m sure a new name would be debated for months on the news channels and in the press. I’d vote for something simple like…Roger.

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