Snow Miser Delays Spring In Maine; Attorney General To Appeal To Mother Nature

snow-miserWhile the other 49 states enjoy the first day of Spring tomorrow, Modern Philosophers, Maine will remain trapped in Winter due to a last minute legal maneuver by Snow Miser.

That icy wretch, and my long time nemesis, invoked Article 12 of the Forces of Nature which states that “Should a higher power decide that any season ought to be lengthened, that being only need to file a Form 1357A and submit the $25 application fee.”

Immediately after filing the form and paying the fee, Snow Miser unleashed yet another snowstorm on Maine.  This one is supposed to dump 6-15 inches on the state and is not scheduled to end until tomorrow afternoon.

This Modern Philosopher has already had to shovel once today, and is preparing to go out again as soon as this article is posted.

Mother NatureJanet Mills, Maine’s Attorney General, has asked Mother Nature for a meeting to discuss this lengthening of Winter and to determine for how long Spring has been delayed.  “I’ve been a lawyer for a long time,” Mills told this man in the fur lined toga.  “In all those years, I have never heard of Article 12 of the Forces of Nature.”

No word yet on whether or not Mother Nature will grant the Attorney General an audience.  Snow Miser, as usual, refused to take my calls, but he did leave me the following voice mail: “Still glad you stole my girlfriend, dirt bag?  Enjoy your Eternal Winter!”

I have forwarded that message to Mother Nature, and hope that it will be enough to convince her to sit down with Miss Mills.  My sources tell me that Big Mama (as she likes to be called) is not a fan of Snow Miser and his abuses of power, but she is also wary of siding with humans against a Weather Warlock.

Once again, I’d like to apologize to my fellow Mainers for my actions as a teenager, which are affecting our state today.  Had I ever known that Snow Miser was going to hold such a grudge, I never would have stolen his girlfriend.  I hope you can all forgive me.

Off to shovel and do my penance…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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21 Responses to Snow Miser Delays Spring In Maine; Attorney General To Appeal To Mother Nature

  1. You too, eh? I’m out to shovel also. Let us hope this is the last one for this winter. 🙂

  2. Lucky Wreck says:

    Damn that icy wretch!

  3. Mike says:

    We just got a 4-incher here in Madison. We’re thinking about sending the authorities to deal with that fraudulent groundhog in Pennsylvania.

  4. janelle83 says:

    Since the province of New-Brunswick is right next to the state of Maine, we will also be shoveling on the first day of spring, we’re supposed to get 20cms (roughly 8 inches).
    😦

  5. Just wondering.
    Where is Snow Mizer’s ex-girlfriend (the one that you stole from him way back in high school) now? She is obviously not with you anymore.
    Which begs the following questions—
    WHY doesn’t Snow MIzer look for her and try to recapture her love–instead of wasting all of his time burying you in one snow storm after the other?
    WHY does Snow Mizer seem to be more focused on you than he ever was on her (supposedly the love of his life).
    MAYBE you are actually the one that he has always been interested in (now that’s a scary thought). MAYBE that’s why his girlfriend left him….not for you, but because of you.
    It could be that Snow Mizer has a strange attraction for white togas (they do look a little like a blanket of snow). Think about it. If he really misses his long lost girlfriend, WHY does he spend all of his time searching for new ways to capture your time and attention.
    OMG! Austin, I think he loves you.
    Yes. I have a Philosophy degree, but I took an equal amount of psychology courses. You are being snow stalked. You might want to get a restraining order against Mr. Mizer, just to be on the safe side. 🙂

    • Austin says:

      One cannot get a restraining order against a Weather Warlock! I have no idea where that old girlfriend is, but might search for her on Facebook to see if we can put an end to all this nonsense…

  6. Kimmie says:

    Feel your pain brother…Feel your pain!! 🙂

  7. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
    MUST BE THE SAME GOING ON IN OUR NECK OF THE WOODS!–Jonathan

  8. filbio says:

    I used to be good friends with Snow Miser and partied with him on occasion.

    Now, he is like that slacker friend that overstays his welcome. I think I’ll de-friend him and buddy up with Heat Miser. I heard he is hot-to-trot!

  9. Luann says:

    It seems Snow Miser had his crew working here in Michigan the last few days. Stinkin’ snow!

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