That icy wretch, and my long time nemesis, invoked Article 12 of the Forces of Nature which states that “Should a higher power decide that any season ought to be lengthened, that being only need to file a Form 1357A and submit the $25 application fee.”
Immediately after filing the form and paying the fee, Snow Miser unleashed yet another snowstorm on Maine. This one is supposed to dump 6-15 inches on the state and is not scheduled to end until tomorrow afternoon.
This Modern Philosopher has already had to shovel once today, and is preparing to go out again as soon as this article is posted.
Janet Mills, Maine’s Attorney General, has asked Mother Nature for a meeting to discuss this lengthening of Winter and to determine for how long Spring has been delayed. “I’ve been a lawyer for a long time,” Mills told this man in the fur lined toga. “In all those years, I have never heard of Article 12 of the Forces of Nature.”
No word yet on whether or not Mother Nature will grant the Attorney General an audience. Snow Miser, as usual, refused to take my calls, but he did leave me the following voice mail: “Still glad you stole my girlfriend, dirt bag? Enjoy your Eternal Winter!”
I have forwarded that message to Mother Nature, and hope that it will be enough to convince her to sit down with Miss Mills. My sources tell me that Big Mama (as she likes to be called) is not a fan of Snow Miser and his abuses of power, but she is also wary of siding with humans against a Weather Warlock.
Once again, I’d like to apologize to my fellow Mainers for my actions as a teenager, which are affecting our state today. Had I ever known that Snow Miser was going to hold such a grudge, I never would have stolen his girlfriend. I hope you can all forgive me.
Off to shovel and do my penance…