BREAKING NEWS: Snow Miser Shot!

snow-miserMixed emotions at The House on the Hill tonight as I report that my longtime nemesis, Snow Miser, has been shot in what appears to be a bungled assassination attempt.

According to witnesses, the Winter Warlock was shot twice in the chest upon exiting an ice cream parlor in downtown Bangor.  Details as to the extent of his injuries are sketchy at this time, but we do know that Snow Miser has been rushed to Eastern Maine Medical Center for emergency surgery.

shooterPolice are looking for the assailant, said to be a pale white male, about 5’9″ and 150lbs, who was seen wearing sunglasses and a University of Iowa hoodie.  People on the scene said the shooter yelled out something about having his Spring Break ruined before he fired the shots.  The gun apparently jammed and the would be assassin ran off down Broadway and disappeared into the night.

By the time police and paramedics arrived on the scene, Snow Miser had lost a great deal of blood and was unconscious.

I know that there is a lot of animosity between the victim and this Modern Philosopher, but he is in my prayers tonight.  As much as I hate what he has done to me over the years as part of our ongoing, one-sided feud, I would hate to see him cut down in the prime of his life before I had an opportunity to kick his ass.

I will keep you updated…



About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to BREAKING NEWS: Snow Miser Shot!

  1. Poor guy.
    Maybe you should send him some Spring flowers (that would be the same thing as a kick in the ass). Then you’ll be even and you can both go your own ways.

  2. Eagle Tech says:

    He lost blood? I would’ve thought he leaked icewater.

  3. The Cutter says:

    I feel he should have been able to freeze the bullets before they even reached him. Something about this whole deal stinks. I smell a conspiracy.

  4. Pingback: Is Snow Miser The Machines’ Greatest Weapon? | The Return of the Modern Philosopher

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