New Study Finds That 100% Of College Kids Who Traveled To Maine For Spring Break Are Idiots

Spring BreakA new study released today by the College Travel Blog, Give Me a Spring Break!, found that Florida, Mexico, and the Bahamas were the top destinations of college students on this year’s Spring Break.

Nothing surprising about those results or the fact that beer sales, arrests, and cases of sexually transmitted diseases in those three locations were also off the charts.

What caught this Modern Philosopher’s attention was the paragraph in the study dedicated to students who had purchased vacation packages to travel to Maine for Spring Break.  I had no idea such people existed, but according to the report, over 200 college kids who paid to fly to Maine for their break were surveyed.

100% of those collegians were deemed to be idiots according to the blog’s highly scientific formula and detailed research.

“I’m not sure how I got talked into vacationing here,” one student was quoted in the study.  “All I know is that it was super cheap, it included a lobster dinner, and promised a Spring Break experience like no other.”

Blizzard“I went for it because they told me I would meet Stephen King,” another coed admitted.  “I’ve always wanted to party with that crazy dude.”

As you can see from a group photo on the left, instead of sunshine and beaches, these future leaders of America got 10 inches of snow and sub-freezing temperatures.

Other interesting numbers from the study:  15% of the students who traveled to Maine for break were admitted to local hospitals for treatment of frostbite (that’s what you get for only packing shorts and bikinis).  30% admitted to crying themselves to sleep at least one night on their vacation.  2% were arrested after trying to sneak into Canada to seek asylum.  94% vowed they would never again return to Maine.  3% were eaten by Zombies.

What do you think, Modern Philosophers?  How good could American colleges be if students think Maine is an acceptable Spring Break destination?  Are you surprised that only 3% were eaten by Zombies?  How much would someone have to pay you before you would come to Maine for a vacation in March?

The House on the Hill does offer very competitive rates for those of you looking for a place to stay during Spring Break next year…



About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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37 Responses to New Study Finds That 100% Of College Kids Who Traveled To Maine For Spring Break Are Idiots

  1. Happy Solstice, Man. Consider yourself lucky. No one spring breaks in Wisconsin. Thanks for the chuckle.

  2. drishism says:

    Well, in 100 years, Maine will be an excellent Spring Break destination because of global warming. Florida and Mexico will be too hot. I don’t think these colleges kids were idiots. They probably just put a number in the wrong spot for their global climate change calculations. As detail oriented as I am as a grad student, I still let someone else read over my stuff to make sure I didn’t do something silly like misplace a decimal point.

    100 years from now, Spring Break in Maine “will be” the main destination for many college students. Buy tickets now as a birthday present for your grandkids (or great grandkids).

    As for these poor college kids currently suffering with frost bite, I feel sorry for them… but they are probably C students who slept through class with hangovers. An “A” student would never miscalculate by 100 years!

  3. Borednicole says:

    I was surprised only 15% got frostbite. Maine should use some of these ideas for a new tourism campaign. Like “Visit Maine and have lobster with Stephen King”.

  4. kodonivan says:

    I’m in San Diego, which is also where I attended college. I never had enough money to go ANYwhere for spring break. We tend to get out of towners, while those here liked to go to Lost Wages (Las Vegas to other people).

  5. Drops of Ink says:

    It’s not only the ones who travel to Maine, trust me on that. :p

  6. Drops of Ink says:

    Nope.. I would not. I would run away.. in a support bra bwahahaha 😉

  7. alundeberg says:

    Actually, I’m really surprised that the 3% of the students were eaten by zombies. I figured they would be eaten by a rabid dog, or be tortured by an angry telepathic high school girl, or be trapped by a clown who lives in gutters, or sucked to death by vampires in Salem’s Lot. Or they could have the ultimate Stephen King experience and be hit by a van driven by a drunk (you don’t have to watch out for the college kids, it’s locals that you have to be aware of…).

    Thanks for the laugh!

  8. Eagle Tech says:

    Clearly the students who went to Maine weren’t doing so well in geography. Obviously none of them took “How to avoid being suckered 103.” Such is life. At least the beer is cold.

    Speaking of that, I’m surprised only 3% were eaten by zombies since they’d be passed out from drinking beer, and would be easy marks for Zombies like during St. Patrick’s Day.. Oh wait, that’s why. Zombies like to eat brains, and anybody who actually “pays” to go to Maine for Spring Break doesn’t have any brains.

  9. They do have lobster…

  10. LucyJartz says:

    Perhaps they were wrongly informed that they could watch the filming of Survivor – Winter in Maine Edition, but I think that’s next year. Do I get a better rate if I book ahead for the filming?

  11. It seems that the vacationers to Maine faired better (with frostbite and low rate of zombie attack) than those who vacationed in Mexico and other such places, returning with STD’s, arrests and overconsumption of beer. This could be a good advertising pitch for future Spring Break vacationers to Maine. (I kind of think these illusive 200 students who vacationed to Maine were probably just visiting their parents – because they are attending school in warmer places)

    • Austin says:

      I don’t think we really want Spring Breakers here. That’s why we let the Zombies roam free…keep out the college kids and their crazy rock music!!! 😉

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