Bates Family Buys Old Brewer Motel; Neighbors Vow To Never Shower Again

BatesThe Town of Brewer today announced that it had finally sold one of its hardest to move properties, The Riverside Motel.  The property, which has been abandoned since a 2010 Zombie attack killed all the guests, staff, and owners, has been purchased by Bates Family Property Management.

Yes, that Bates family…

Mayor Skip Wiggins, who had promised Brewer residents that he would find new ways to create income so that property taxes would not have to be raised yet again, was thrilled with the sale.  “This is big news for our little town,” the Mayor told this Modern Philosopher.  “Nobody thought we’d ever find a buyer for that motel after the horrific things that happened there, but the Bates family didn’t even flinch when I told them about it.”

I asked the Mayor if he was a horror movie fan or had ever heard of Alfred Hitchcock.  He just looked at me blankly for a moment, and then went back to talking about the sale.  “The new owners expect to begin renovations immediately and hope to have the place open for business in time for the summer tourist season.”

No word yet on what the new motel will be called, but I’m thinking that the family name will not be used.

Local residents were not thrilled about the news, including this Modern Philosopher, whose House on the Hill sits a mere mile and a half from the former Riverside Motel.

Psycho“I’m definitely never going to shower again,” one neighbor told me.  “I’d never feel safe with those people around.”

“Looks like it’s back to taking baths,” said another neighbor.  “It’s bad enough what the Zombies did to that place, but do we have to turn it over to a family of psychos?”

Vivian Lee Perkins, the attorney who oversaw the purchase for the family, was present at the announcement.  “I would like to assure the people of Brewer that just because one member of the Bates family had some problems in the motel industry, it does not mean that the rest of the family has followed in his footsteps.”

I hear ya, Viv, but for the time being, I think I’m going to have Gary the Gargoyle stand watch outside the bathroom door whenever I take a shower.

One can never be too safe, especially in Maine…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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13 Responses to Bates Family Buys Old Brewer Motel; Neighbors Vow To Never Shower Again

  1. Never saw the movie(s), but your stuff keeps getting better and better!

  2. Well, there’s no doubt in my mind that the Bates family hired the right attorney to look out for their interests. Eek! Please make sure not to forget to have Gary guard you at shower time. I kind of look forward to your posts and would hate to hear they stopped due to some sort of knife related run in.

  3. Ned's Blog says:

    I guess that would explain the cheap rate I got from Expedia. Apparently a room became available unexpectedly,,, or did he say “unexpecdeadly”…? Oh well, at least there’s a free breakfast. Think I’ll get a shower first.

    • Austin says:

      You are a brave man. Hope you survive your experience and can write a review of it for the Expedia site… 🙂

      • Ned's Blog says:

        LOL 🙂 You’ve given me an idea. If I write it up at some point, would you mind if I refer to you and your post? Might be kind of fun. Talk about “Motel Hell…”

  4. Right on the week of the first ep of Bates Motel 😉 That series pilot was pretty awesome! I love the movie Psycho..hopefully the series will turn out to be a hit as well!

    • Austin says:

      I DVRed it and plan to watch it tonight. The movie was a classic. First time I ever saw it was for a Film class at NYU, on Halloween night, on the big screen. Awesome!

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