The law, which was a long time in coming, bans the sale of silver bullets to anyone other than a law enforcement official. In addition, all recordings of Bob Seger and The Silver Bullet Band must be destroyed, and the band itself cannot set foot in Maine (individual members are welcome, but the band as a whole is not). Finally, Coors Light (aka The Silver Bullet) will no longer be available for sale anywhere in Maine.
The All Hallows Society, Maine’s powerful, top secret organization that polices all activity dealing with the state’s Otherworldly Being population, is believed to be the driving force behind LePage’s decision to finally give Werewolves Endangered Species status.
Many readers have asked why Werewolves are rarely mentioned on the blog. The sad truth is that Maine’s Werewolf population is so tiny that they stay in hiding and rarely do anything newsworthy. It has also been a conscious decision on my part not to feature the creatures out of fear that bringing them into the spotlight might put them in danger.
“During the first half of the Twentieth Century, Werewolves were the predominant Otherworldly Creature in Maine,” Chaney explained. “Over time, however, they fell prey to hunters eager to not only get their pelts, but also to have a cool story to tell once they returned home from their vacations in Maine.”
“Then we had the arrival of the Alien population, which drove the Werewolves out of the North Woods, not because of anything the Aliens did, but because the Werewolves were fearful that they might attack our new friends and set off an intergalactic incident.”
So typical of the Maine Werewolf to put the needs of others before its own.
“Werewolves started getting older and dying of natural causes,” Chaney continued solemnly. “Each generation of Mainer had less interest in getting bitten by a Werewolf and continuing the line. Kids got seduced by video games, TV, and the internet, and became obsessed with looks. It was no longer cool to be an Otherworldly Creature who howled at the moon and had excessive body hair.”
“Those stories are mostly rumors started by Maine Indians who wanted to keep strangers out of their forests,” Chaney told me with a shake of the head. “They’d tell stories of wild battles between the species and warn that any human caught in the middle would be ripped to shreds or eaten.”
“It is true, however, that the Zombie Infestation did affect the Werewolf population, but it wasn’t because the two groups went to war. It was more a case of Werewolves having an extremely keen sense of smell and not being able to stand the stench of zombies. As a result, a lot of Werewolves packed up and headed for Vermont.”
So what can Mainers do to help Werewolves thrive again?
“One thing they need to do is stop shooting Werewolves,” Chaney answered quickly. “Remember, a Werewolf might be your neighbor or your child’s teacher. If you see one, notify a Game Warden, who can then track the creature and make sure it stays safe.”
“Mainers can also help by killing Zombies. The less Zombies there are, the fewer Werewolves will leave the state. Finally, anyone who is truly dedicated to helping increase the Werewolf population, can volunteer to become a Werewolf. My Department holds orientation classes every month during which volunteers learn what it means to be a Werewolf, how to survive in the wild, and how to deal with the changes and complications that are part of living a double life.”
Anyone interested in becoming a Werewolf can call the Department of Inland Fisheries and Wildlife at (207)-965-3626 (WOLFMAN) or write to me at the blog.
I’m told the bite really doesn’t hurt much, and that howling at the moon is an excellent way to let out all the stress that builds up during the work day.
Want to howl at the moon with me on Pinterest?