Maine Lowers Drinking Age To Boost Economy

College-DrinkingMaine has decided to celebrate National Beer Day in a very unique manner: Governor Paul LePage signed a law lowering the state’s minimum drinking age to 18.

At the keg party that followed the announcement, Governor LePage told this Modern Philosopher: “Maine has always been at the back of the pack when it comes to national news.  I wanted to get us back into the spotlight, and I knew that this new law would be exactly that.  Let’s finish this chat over a game of beer pong!”

According to Kim Rodgers, the member of LePage’s staff who drew the short straw and had to remain sober to talk to reporters, the decision to lower the state’s drinking age was made with an eye on boosting the economy.  “We did extensive research and discovered that college kids love to drink.  The Governor realized that if Maine lowered the drinking age, we’d be swamped with college kids looking to buy alcohol and get drunk.  Not only would that be a boost for our bars, restaurants, and stores, but our law enforcement agencies would also see a rise in income from the increase in tickets written for public drunkenness, lewd behavior, etc.  Changing the law was a no brainer.”

Maine WelcomeAs soon as LePage signed the law into effect, a mass tweet and email was sent out to every person aged 18-20 from Maine to Pennsylvania.

A quick poll conducted after the announcement  showed that Governor LePage would now receive 97% of the 18-20 year old vote in the upcoming Gubernatorial Election.

Mayor McCheese, until now considered to be the frontrunner in the 2014 election, was infuriated by the new law.  “The National Minimum Drinking Age Act of 1984 makes the setting of the drinking age a Federal mandate,” McCheese told me via phone during a stop on the campaign trail.  “LePage can’t just decide to lower the age.  This is a stunt to give him a boost in the polls.  I’ve spent my entire adult life working for a clown, but Paul LePage has now proven himself to be King of the Clowns!”

When I approached LNational Beer DayePage with his opponent’s accusations, the Governor belched in my face and threw a beer at me, thereby ruining my new toga.

As I write this, Gary the Gargoyle has just returned to The House on the Hill to tell me that traffic is backed up for miles on I 95 with vehicles packed with college kids eager to get their hands on Maine alcohol.

So what do you think, Modern Philosophers?  Was this a smart move on the part of Governor LePage?  Do you think he really cares about the state’s economy, or is he just looking to get himself re-elected?  What is your state doing to celebrate National Beer Day?

I’m going to go against convention and grab myself a Snapple before I read your comments on this news…

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

50 Responses to Maine Lowers Drinking Age To Boost Economy

  1. I thought for a second you were going to say Zima. So glad it was a snapple. Why was I thinking about Zima?? Oh! Family Guy episode. Carry on.

  2. Allison says:

    Is this real or not?

    • Austin says:

      Allison, do you believe Mayor McCheese is running for Governor or that I have a pet Gargoyle who gives me traffic updates? If so, then this is real. 🙂

  3. Aaron Sullivan says:

    Is this really true

    • Austin says:

      Aaron, do you believe Mayor Cheese is running for Governor of Maine, or that I have a pet Gargoyle who tells me about the traffic on I-95? If so, then this is very, very real. 🙂

  4. ksbeth says:

    why doesn’t mcCheese just get a life and sell beer right out of his mcdonalds locations? ps – in my real world, when i turned 18 in mich the law changed to 18, then turned back to 21when i turned 21. luck of the irish, and ironically, lucky i am half irish. ps – sorry to hear that your toga was soiled. can’t you go out and beat in on the rocks or something?

    • Austin says:

      I will just have my house elves clean the toga. As for Mayor McCheese, I don’t think he wants teens drinking and he certainly doesn’t want them in a McDonald’s!

  5. ksbeth says:

    think of the potential – ‘happy’ meals for the 18s and up crowd, with a prize pack of aspirin, tums, and puke bags with mc’s characters on them. win a copy of ‘the hangover’ at each location – forget the damn plastic toys, these are a step up! guess my old advertising days are just kicking back in, can’t help myself at times )

  6. ksbeth says:

    mayor trumps owner. at least in detroit that’s how it’s worked for the last few years

  7. ksbeth says:

    check. and p.s. clowns are the scariest creatures on this planet.

  8. queenlorene says:

    Ok, you are just AWFUL! I actually had to go and check this out to see if you were FOS or not. Really, you should put a disclaimer like “Potentially Psychotic Post” (you know I am a poet, have to have some alliteration here) so we know you are pulling our leg on posts that could have a grain of truth to them…. REALLY…still, entertaining as usual and you did get me off my blog-post-drunk A.

    • Austin says:

      How could you think it was real? Doesn’t the mention of Mayor McCheese, the post-announcement keg party, and an appearance by my pet Gargoyle make it clear it’s satire? I thought that made it pretty clear… 🙂

  9. lissajuliana says:

    I think Gov LePage should be a little more concerned about international diplomacy: they’re undercutting the Canadian drinking age by a whole year. If the formerly underaged border crossers can now stay home and buy beer, there could be serious repercussions. Bars in New Brunswick are probably even now putting out loonie jars on the counters to fund raise for some lobbyists. And you let us know if you see any Mounties on the horizon.

  10. Justin Thomas says:

    Bullshit lowering the drinking age, More kids will die in car accidents, shit
    bag Lepage

    • Brent Allison says:

      While the article is facetious, the fact that other countries like Canada and Germany reduced drink-driving deaths without raising their drinking ages is not. Your characterization of Governor Lepage may therefore be inappropriate.

    • Karla says:

      Not necessarily. It’s how we educate our youth. If the U.S. would stop promoting binge drinking we would be able to have the drinking age at 18. Most of the other countries around the world have their drinking age at 18 and they dont have the alcohol related problems we have here. They drink casually. If we did the same we could make an 18+ drinking age work.

  11. Is Governor Le Page a scion of the LePage musilage dynasty?

  12. I can see the politicians’ eyes lighting up as they read this: a surefire way to pay off the hospital debt with increased liquor sales. Added bonus: all those out of towners pay a lot more in college tuition than the natives.

  13. Kate Rawlins says:

    Yeers ago, 50+ yrs, my mother diped a wet wash cloth into a littel J&B, then fruze it, to give to my sister who was teethning. Bing the older sister, by 10 yrs, I remeber stealing it every once in a while ~ starding yung diddn’t hert me!

    Thanks for stopping by and letting me find you !

  14. filbio says:

    Man, there are some heated responses to this post. Can you imagine if he also legalized pot in Maine and allowed people to marry their siblings there too? This blog would be rioting!

  15. sivartnhoj says:

    I own, sorry, one owns, a Rehab Facility just outside Maine – so this is good news for me! Cheers!

  16. peachyteachy says:

    I’m just so pumped about this Mayor McCheese revival. Also nice to see that you have some very earnest readers here.

  17. Gio Mata says:

    If you make an article for the govt shut down it will be nice. 🙂

  18. LOL

    That surge in popularity was with the age group that votes in the smallest numbers that will shrink even more because so many of them will be drunk and forget to vote. Meanwhile, the majority of voters over age 50 will turn out to get rid of this governor so they can have the endless noise from street parties go away and get safe roads back to drive on.

    • Austin says:

      If only we could’ve gotten rid of him on Election Day. We’re stuck with him for another 3.5 years. Ugh.

      • Elections for the legislature take place annually, don’t they? If so, why not take away the State Senate by voting out as many GOP representatives as possible. LePage could become a lame duck or a crippled elephant.

      • Austin says:

        Nobody seems to like the guy, so I have no idea how he got reelected…

      • Maybe it was the voter turnout. From what I’ve been reading, the Obama administration has made a lot of people angry by abandoning a big slice of their voter base—by attacking public education, public school teachers and supporting corporate charter schools and the Common Core Crap tests.

        Just checked, and that was true for the rest of the country but I see that Main had the largest 2014 voter turnout in the country at 59.3%.

        And LePage didn’t even break 50%.

        In Maine, Gov. Paul LePage (R) was expected to lose his reelection bid; instead he won a little more than 48 percent of the vote, enough to beat out Rep. Mike Michaud (D) and independent candidate Eliot Cutler.

        Here’s what I see at Real Clear Politics.com

        Cutler, the Independent, ended up with 8.4% of the vote, LePage 48.2% and Mchaud 43.3%. Maybe Cutler took votes away from Mchaud by staying in the race—-a spoiler. Cutler said, ” he wouldn’t run if he didn’t think he could win.”

        In 2010, Cutler had 35.9% of the vote to 37.6% for LePage so he must have thought he had a chance but it’s obvious tht many of the people who voted for him jumped ship and voted for Mchaud hoping to get rid of LePage.

      • Austin says:

        Cutler definitely should have dropped out of the race. He cost Michaud the election…

      • Maybe with less than 10% of the vote in 2014, he’ll stay out next time. But as long as there is only one GOP candidate and the others are all progressives, then a Republican might win again.

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