President Obama had big news, and he delivered it to the White House Press Corps like a proud father. “Today, at approximately 12:15pm, Vice President Joe Biden beat the high score on the Space Invaders game in the White House Game Room.”
This earned the Vice President a standing ovation from all assembled, and the President was so happy that he actually allowed the VP to stand at the podium and take questions.
You might think this to be an overreaction, Modern Philosophers, but can you remember the last time the Vice President did something newsworthy for a positive reason? Of course, the President was probably also trying to make amends to his “second in command” after having to scold him earlier in the week for his well-publicized Twitter fiasco (Read About the VP’s Twitter Snafu Here).
“This is one of the proudest moments of my life,” the Vice President told the members of the press once they had returned to their seats. “I knew that President Clinton had set the high score back in the final days of his term, and since I think myself to be a lot like Mr. Clinton, I needed to do this to prove that I could follow in his footsteps.”
The White House has yet to release the new high score stating it to be a matter of National Security. “We can’t have our alien enemies knowing exactly how skilled the Vice President is, now can we?” the President asked to the delight of the reporters in the room.
“If I had to send one message to potential alien invaders, what would it be?” the Vice President repeated my question as he pondered his answer. “I guess I would tell them that the Earth is off limits to them because Joe Biden will never allow an alien attack as long as he lives in the White House. And I intend to live here for a long time, so go find another planet to invade!”
One quick look around the room, and it was painfully obvious that every member of the media wished they could record the press conference for public consumption. Alas, the President had made it clear that anyone who recorded the event would be banned from the White House for life.
The Vice President has requested that his official White House portrait now be of him posing in front of the Space Invaders game. No one has yet had the heart to tell him that only Presidents get to have a portrait done.
What do you think, Modern Philosophers? Will you sleep better tonight knowing that the Earth is safe from alien attack? How long do you think Vice President Biden would last in an actual battle against real invaders from space? Don’t you wish you had an original Space Invaders machine in your game room?