Will You Accept A Collect Call From Robot High Command?

robot phoneAs seems to be the norm whenever I write a post warning about the Robot Apocalypse, The Machines found a way to disrupt my life today and remind me that they have me on their radar.

I stayed home from work yesterday because I was gravely ill (I’m not ruling out The Machines as the source of my sudden and violent gastric woes).  When I left work on Tuesday, my phone was working perfectly fine.  Upon my return today, however, things had changed.

I didn’t notice it at first because I was so busy playing catch up on a day where we were shorthanded because half of the staff moved to our new office, leaving those of us who drew the short straws to try to keep things under control and put up with the movers, who did an excellent job of making up aware of their presence.

phoneAt some point during the hectic morning, I realized that my phone would ring once and then stop.  Normally, the phone system allows for three or four rings before the calls go to the voicemail.  Today, it was just ringing once, but not going to message.  The caller would just remain on the line until I noticed the light was lit up on my phone, indicating that one of my lines was active.

It wasn’t so bad at first because I would hear that single ring and grab the call, but if I left my office, I’d be oblivious upon my return to the fact that someone was on the phone line, desperately waiting to speak to me.

We put IT on the problem, but they could not figure out what had happened to my phone.  None of the others in the office had the problem.  Normally, if someone can’t reach me, they know to call another team member for help.  However, my teammates were off at the other office, so there was no other option.  It made for a fun day and some irritated callers.

robot armyObviously, I knew what was going on with my phone, but I wasn’t about to try to bring the IT guy up to speed on my efforts to fight the Robot Apocalypse and Robot High Command.  To be honest, I don’t trust anyone who spends his days working that closely with The Machines.  For all I knew, he was in on the One Ring Conspiracy.

So I let The Machines have this round.  Had I complained too much, it would’ve been a sign of weakness and told them that there were ways to get to me.  I just became a pro at picking up the phone on the first ring and immediately checking my phone for incoming calls any time I returned to the office.

Yes, it was an annoyance, but not enough to break me.  I’ll be moving tomorrow and then it’s the weekend.  By time I sit down at my brand new desk at my new office on Monday, I won’t even remember that The Machines had caused a bit of a nuisance today.

As always, the human spirit prevails.

So, no, Operator, I will not accept that collect call from Robot High Command.  Do me a favor while you have them on the line and tell them to lose my number…



About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

30 Responses to Will You Accept A Collect Call From Robot High Command?

  1. It’s comforting to know that robot superpowers are still playing in the minor leagues. I mean, semi-malfunctioning phone annoyances? They should be embarrassed. And now they are, since you’ve publicly shamed them on the internet.

    • Austin says:

      I think it’s more that they were looking for ways to pester me. One time, after a robot apocalypse post, all the card swipers stopped working at the grocery store. Another time, the power went out at work. All little things, but things aimed at me and just letting me know they’re watching. Guess what? I’m watching them, too! 🙂

  2. They were just going to tell you that you had won the lottery.

  3. Was in the car the other day and heard a radio news portion where they talked about building machines with human thoughts/emotions/reactions. All I could do was shake my head and wonder if we learned nothing from “Terminator” and “I, Robot”. :-/

  4. We get the same thing at my workplace…that, and the blowing of a boat horn selling cruises!

  5. ksbeth says:

    two thoughts :

    1. i think it would be fun to just continuously pick up your phone and ask, “hello?” and pretend you are on one of those old party lines.

    2. the reason you won’t remember any of this monday is because the machines will have wiped your memory clean.

  6. Drops of Ink says:

    Does it make you long for the good old days of the pony express? No machines there. 😉 😀

  7. As you may recall (I haven’t been around much) I am your comrade-in-arms when it comes to the Robot Apocalypse Resistance. However, I am also a kindred spirit when it comes to that yucky romance stuff. It is in the latter spirit that I offer this:

    Back in the day, before the technological invasion began, before email and text message, etc., there was such a thing as the one-ringer: if you wanted to let someone know you were thinking of them, but you didn’t have anything to really talk about, you just called and let it ring once. The romance was at its best if the recipient knew about one-ringers, though, especially if they knew who was callling.

    Maybe someone just wanted you to know they were thinking of you.

    Or, the robots are about to strike. Whichever. 🙂

  8. you have a creative mind on how they are coming to get you. Don’t lose that. I enjoyed your rant on the Robot invasion attempts you tick you off. I will have to be weary of that myself. Still most of my tormentors are just creditor LOL Take care. I saw you on Susie’s Blog come check out my blog if you have the time.

    • Austin says:

      I’m glad you understand the importance of my rants. We have to stay vigilant! Thanks for visiting, and I will be sure to stop by your place shortly…once I make sure there are no Robot Assassins lurking around The House on the Hill…:)

  9. Susie sent me. I liked. I followed. Leave a message at the beep.

  10. marydpierce says:

    I came here from Susie’s party, and I’m damn glad I did! I had no idea this was happening. Thanks, Austin, for you wise warning. I shall be more vigilant after this.

    BTW, did you notice the suspicious looking robot-y thing hiding behind the potted palm at Susie’s?! 😉

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