Motorists are advised to use caution as Unicorns do not take kindly to being approached by vehicles of any kind, and have been known to lash out to protect their personal space.
“This is a little early in the season for us to be seeing the first Unicorn,” Peggy Sue Morris, a Maine DOT spokesperson told this Modern Philosopher. “The weather has been so beautiful this week, however, so it’s understandable as to why the herds are emerging from their Winter slumber.”
For those of you unfamiliar with the Maine Unicorn, the species hibernates during the harsh Winters. While this is not a behavior usually attributed to Unicorns, the Maine breed has evolved in order to survive the snow and frigid temperatures.
“Maine Unicorns are damn smart,” Professor Wendall Trombiono, of the University of Maine, explained via Skype as he combed the Northern Woods in search of the herd. “There’s no other way they would have survived in the wild for this long had they not adapted the hibernating behaviors of other Maine animals.”
Spring in Maine has always meant the departure of Snow Miser and the triumphant return of the Unicorn. Professor Trombiono’s team tracks the herd every Spring to make note of its size and to see if it is thriving. While the Unicorn remains on Maine’s Endangered Species List, Trombiono says there are reasons to be positive. “There has been a steady uptick in the Unicorn population over the last decade. So much so, that I believe there is now more than one herd…possibly even three. If only we could teach them to stay away from the Zombies…”
For some unexplained reason, Maine Unicorns are compelled to chase Zombies. Their horns are deadly weapons that can easily dispatch a Walker. However, after such an attack, Unicorns often end up covered in Zombie blood, a substance to which they are deathly allergic.
“We wish we understood why Unicorns have an instinct to kill Zombies,” the professor sighed. “Hopefully, a resistance to the allergy, or a change in their homicidal urge will be the next step in the creatures’ evolution.”
In case motorists are unclear as to why they should drive with caution in areas marked as Unicorn Crossings, I have included the picture at the left. That windshield was demolished by one strike from the horn of a baby Unicorn.
“Unicorns will leave you alone if you do the same,” Peggy Sue Morris advised. “If you get too close, however, they will make you wish had taken a completely different route. Every motorist should operate by one simple rule: Unicorns ALWAYS have the right of way.”
Perhaps Zombies should keep that in mind as well.
Drive safely, Modern Philosophers. Windshields are expensive to replace!