This exciting pairing was made necessary by the injuries Robin, Batman’s usual sidekick, sustained in a recent dust up with The Penguin and his team of henchman. While doctors won’t reveal what landed the Boy Wonder on the Superhero Disabled List, this Modern Philosopher’s sources say he suffered a concussion, several cracked ribs, a broken arm, a dislocated shoulder, three broken fingers, a pulled groin, and a twisted ankle. Robin gave my source the following quote: “Ow!” and was then heavily sedated to help him deal with the pain.
The Dark Knight, who prefers not to work alone now that he’s getting up there in years, had his man Alfred put in a call to a temp agency to fill the void while Robin recuperates. It just so happened that Robin Williams, who hasn’t landed a movie or TV role in some time, was in the office looking for some part time work.
“Mork calling Austin, come in, Austin!” Williams yelled at me via Skype. “It was kismet, I tell you. And by kismet, I mean I kissed Batman the second I met him to thank him for giving me this opportunity. I’m not sure how I’m going to fit into that tiny costume, but maybe if I shaved all the hair on my body, or better yet, just shaved that big R into my chest hair…”
He rambled on manically like that for a good thirty minutes. He didn’t really say anything worth printing, and not much that actually had anything to do with the subject at hand. It was just some wild tangent that involved many silly voices, some screaming, and the constant lifting up of his shirt to reveal an abnormally hairy chest.
I asked Commissioner Gordon how he felt about this change to the usual lineup. “To be honest, I’m a little embarrassed that Gotham City’s Police Department can’t handle the criminal element on its own,” he confessed in a sad voice. “Pretty much every city in the world can count on it’s PD to take care of anything that comes its way, but not the the city I’m tasked with protecting. I’ve constantly got to call in a vigilante to clean up the mess. How I’ve kept my job this long is a mystery to me. Maybe Batman can solve that one, too!”
I tried to reach Batman for a comment, but when I called him, Robin Williams answered, and I quickly hung up the phone to spare my ears from any further torture.
Word on the streets of Gotham is that while The Joker is a huge Robin Williams fan and cannot wait to meet him, the other criminals are salivating at the chance to wreak some havoc while Batman is paired up with the chatty Oscar winner.
I think I speak for all the citizens of Gotham City when I say, “Get well soon, Robin!”.