Robin Williams To Team Up With Batman While Boy Wonder Recuperates

Bat_SignalThe villains of Gotham City have a new Dynamic Duo to battle (for the next 6-8 weeks, pending the outcome of rehab and a repeat MRI): Batman and Robin Williams!

This exciting pairing was made necessary by the injuries Robin, Batman’s usual sidekick, sustained in a recent dust up with The Penguin and his team of henchman.  While doctors won’t reveal what landed the Boy Wonder on the Superhero Disabled List, this Modern Philosopher’s sources say he suffered a concussion, several cracked ribs, a broken arm, a dislocated shoulder, three broken fingers, a pulled groin, and a twisted ankle.  Robin gave my source the following quote: “Ow!” and was then heavily sedated to help him deal with the pain.

robin-williamsThe Dark Knight, who prefers not to work alone now that he’s getting up there in years, had his man Alfred put in a call to a temp agency to fill the void while Robin recuperates.   It just so happened that Robin Williams, who hasn’t landed a movie or TV role in some time, was in the office looking for some part time work.

“Mork calling Austin, come in, Austin!” Williams yelled at me via Skype.  “It was kismet, I tell you.  And by kismet, I mean I kissed Batman the second I met him to thank him for giving me this opportunity.  I’m not sure how I’m going to fit into that tiny costume, but maybe if I shaved all the hair on my body, or better yet, just shaved that big R into my chest hair…”

He rambled on manically like that for a good thirty minutes.  He didn’t really say anything worth printing, and not much that actually had anything to do with the subject at hand.  It was just some wild tangent that involved many silly voices, some screaming, and the constant lifting up of his shirt to reveal an abnormally hairy chest.

BatmanI asked Commissioner Gordon how he felt about this change to the usual lineup.  “To be honest, I’m a little embarrassed that Gotham City’s Police Department can’t handle the criminal element on its own,” he confessed in a sad voice.  “Pretty much every city in the world can count on it’s PD to take care of anything that comes its way, but not the the city I’m tasked with protecting.  I’ve constantly got to call in a vigilante to clean up the mess.  How I’ve kept my job this long is a mystery to me.  Maybe Batman can solve that one, too!”

I tried to reach Batman for a comment, but when I called him, Robin Williams answered, and I quickly hung up the phone to spare my ears from any further torture.

Word on the streets of Gotham is that while The Joker is a huge Robin Williams fan and cannot wait to meet him, the other criminals are salivating at the chance to wreak some havoc while Batman is paired up with the chatty Oscar winner.

I think I speak for all the citizens of Gotham City when I say, “Get well soon, Robin!”.




About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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20 Responses to Robin Williams To Team Up With Batman While Boy Wonder Recuperates

  1. queenlorene says:

    Hey, don’t dish Robin Williams! He’s my Bipolar Hero. No, I really mean it, I love that dude. Laughed so hard at the RV movie that I went into a severe respiratory attack. Coughed like my lung was coming out of my nose for, like, 30 minutes. Thank God for Albuterol–and I don’t have asthma!

    • Austin says:

      I’m sure he’s a great guy, but he was just a little hyper and unfocused when I tried to interview him for this article. It was a bit of a pain…

      • queenlorene says:

        Welcome to the world of Manic-depressive disorder! As I once said to my son: “I am my own high”! My husband simply calls me a squirrel. So I have a soft spot for Mr Williams.

      • Austin says:

        Did you not like the post because of that? Sorry. I was just trying to juxtapose the stoic Batman with the manic Robin Williams. Thought it was funny…

      • queenlorene says:

        No, as usual you are adept…may I even write the word genius? at twisting reality. It did seem a little like you were picking on him though. He has been through so much in his life. But I am a champion of the underdog, including gently transferring spiders from my house. πŸ™‚

      • Austin says:

        Wasn’t the “Mork calling Austin” line damn funny, though??? πŸ˜€

      • queenlorene says:

        Love Mork….Nanu, Nanu. Yes, as always your posts lighten even the crappiest days.

      • Austin says:

        Good to know. Always enjoy your comments. πŸ™‚

  2. It was damn funny. You do a good Robin Williams. Hmm. I’ve heard it said that often when we look at what we most despise about other people, we find those same qualities in ourselves. Which must make you a manic depressive gay alien radio host that lives in a lamp.

  3. I think he would be brilliant as a baddie if he gets turfed.

  4. Susan Sassi says:

    This is a brilliant idea for a sketch!

  5. Austin says:

    Reblogged this on The Return of the Modern Philosopher and commented:

    I’d totally forgotten I’d written this blog post until last night, when I published the Friday Night Think Tank post about Robin Williams. I thought I’d share the post again as it was meant to honor Williams’ amazing, manic sense of humor. Rest in Peace, Robin…

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