One day after celebrating its record setting year, Maine Monster Control announced an ambitious and exciting plan to help find new homes for Monsters left homeless because of the recent rough economy and crash of the housing market.
The creatures who need your help are the Monsters Who Live Under The Bed. “When a family can no longer afford to make the mortgage or rent payments, they often end up leaving everything behind and running out on their debt,” explained Dawn Summers, the head of MMC. “In these cases of hasty retreat, things are left behind. First and foremost are the Monsters Who Live Under The Beds. ”
Summers estimated that have been several hundred such cases of abandonment in Maine over the past three years. In some situations, a new buyer or tenant is quickly found, and the Monster has a new bed under which to live. In most cases, however, the Monster is left all alone in a big, empty, scary house.
“People need to remember that this is Maine and things are different,” Summer explained to this Modern Philosopher as she gave me a tour of MMC headquarters. “The so called Monsters aren’t at all scary. They live under the bed because they are more afraid of us than we should be of them. When they get left behind, they have no idea how to care for themselves. It really is quite tragic.”
For the moment, Maine Monster Control has set up a temporary shelter for those creatures in the warehouse behind the office. In this warehouse are hundreds of beds under which the Monsters live until they can find a permanent home.
“Thankfully, business has been slow, so we’ve been able to allocate funds from our budget to the Monster House, which is what we call this warehouse,” Summers explained as she showed me around the place. “We don’t just leave them in here alone all day. Staff and volunteers come in to talk to them, read them stories, feed them, and coax them outside into the sunshine. In a few cases, the Monsters have enjoyed the “non-under the bed” world so much, that we were able to team them up with another otherworldly creature and send them off into society. Most of them, however, have only known life under a bed and are too frightened to start over or try something new.”
That’s where you come in, Modern Philosophers. Wouldn’t you love your very own Monster? I purposely re-blogged my post about Vlak, the Monster who lives under my neighbors’ bed, in hopes of getting you itching for a Monster of your own.
What do you say? Are you willing to open your home to a Monster in need? They all have their shots, they are all “Good” Monsters, and they are loyal, adorable, and lovable. Just think, your kiddo will never wake you up in the middle of the night again after a nightmare because he’ll have his very own Monster there to calm him. And no more cleaning under the bed because Monsters are excellent groomers and extremely neat.
Can you open your heart to a creature who needs you? If so, you can call Maine Monster Control’s special adoption hotline at (207) MONSTER. Check out the MMC website to see all the Monsters who are looking for a good bed under which to live.
This is finally your chance to bring a little piece of Maine into your world. Won’t you please help?
The Return of the Modern Philosopher 
I’d love to help. Is it a problem that my “bed” is just a mattress on the floor in the corner a room? Maybe I could get one of those monsters with the power to shape-shift into a flatworm– or an (under) bed bug…
Well, I think there need to be an “under” for them to really thrive, but you can call the hotline and see what the experts have to say. Thank you for wanting to help!
Do they mind sharing the space with dust bunnies? Now that my kids have grown up and moved away, I have a lot of under-the-bed space, and a lot of dust bunnies. I would dearly love to have some new little monsters to care for.
As I said in the article, the monsters are excellent groomers, so they will make sure there are no dust bunnies under the bed. Adopt one please! 😀
I’ll take two!
do they eat pasta? Also, can I sing them lullabies?
Of course. They just want to be loved, feel safe, and have a dark, quiet place to sleep…
I’m not thoroughly convinced that the monsters under the steps are displaced Monsters Under the Bed. That they *might* be trying to prevent me from leaving them alone in the house by grabbing my ankles through the open back steps is plausible, but how do you explain all the times I’ve fallen UP steps on the way into the house?
Well, adopt a monster and see what happens. 🙂
I already have one, is what I’m trying to say, and I don’t live in Maine. Oh my.
Monster who need homes aren’t choosy. They’re better in pairs…they can keep each other company, which means less reason for them to pester you. 🙂
Maybe. I was discussing foster parenting a monster to my coffee buddy, I even read him your posts to explain the situation.
So what did he say?
He is also a rehabilitated monster of the night, who was weaned on daylight by video games which kept him up all night and part of the next day, probably perfectly suited to guiding another monster into cooperation with society.
He said we already have the red eyes that float half way up the stairs (in a duplex or split ranch these glowing eyes land about eye level to the door) who guards the front entry.
Do they eat much? (also, whom do they eat?)
You should refer these questions to the folks at Maine Monster Control…
Yes, yes I will. Sorry for the string of posts all together; I guess I just got excited about the idea. There might be paperwork to fill out, so we’ll check back with you later in the week. 😀
Excellent. Let me know how it goes! 🙂
Ummm… we had two monsters the old fashioned way.
HA! 🙂
sigh
If the MMC is looking for some PR help, might I suggest a benefit screening of the 1989 classic “Little Monsters”?
Fred and Ben Savage + Daniel Stern + Howie Mandel + 80s wardrobe and makeup = Best. Fundraiser. Ever
Well, they seem to be operating at a surplus right now, but I can always run your idea past them and see what they think…
Reminds me so much of Calvin and Hobbes 🙂
I do miss those guys. I have the leather bound anthologies upstairs, and should read them again some time soon…
Awesome! 🙂
Renovating my daughter’s room, I pulled out her bed….and found a “present” our monster left under it. No sure what it was. Regurgitated food remains? Fossilized vomit? Dried poo? I abstained from the sniff test, got out the wet vac and deleted the remains to death via water and furious scrubbing swishes. So our monster is in the doghouse. Although I think it should really be the cats. But with 4 of them, figuring out the culprit is not an option. Needle meet haystack. What is your monster’s name? Or are you not on naming terms yet? With the house on the hill so full of interesting characters, you should adopt a couple. Could be a whole new direction for you… 🙂
I don’t have my own Monster yet because Vlak, my neighbor’s Monster, is over here so often. I also have a family of Ghosts in the attic, a Gargoyle on the roof, Satan and a Leprechaun practically live here…
Tsk, Tsk. Men and their excuses! Just fess up and say you don’t want them around. Honesty is always the best policy. Poor unwanted things, even their “champion” is FOS.
Umm…The House on the Hill is like a permanent hangout to every otherwordly creature in Maine. How can you comment that I don’t want a monster? I feel like all of Maine’s monsters are mine!
Wow, you sound like a whining woman. Do I see Defensive Mode? Soon I will be placating you and offering to buy you those spiky heels you secretly long to run 4 miles in…..got a little tripped up on the “maine’s monsters are mine”. Kept trying to say it three times fast…
How do the monsters under the bed feel about the monsters in the closet?
I’m thinking they’re one and the same. There’s not much action under the bed during the day, so the monsters trudge over to the closet for some excitement… 🙂
Obviously that’s why my closet is always in disarray 🙂
There you have it. Mystery solved! 🙂