Maine Moms Celebrate Big Day Aboard Alien Mothership

mothershipThe Aliens of Maine, who value Mothers just as much as we do, threw a wild party today for all Maine Moms on the Arkavian Mothership, which hovers high above Northern Maine.

The Mothership, which brought the first Alien settlers to Maine during the Great Arkavian Civil War, recently hosted a gathering for Mayor McCheese’s Gubernatorial campaign.

For this celebration, however, there were no fast food burgers and fries, no political speeches, and no men…unless they were working as waiters or bartenders.  Of course, this Modern Philosopher managed to be the exception to the rule, and was asked to tag along to write about the festivities.

“Arkavians have long been a matriarchal society,” explained Commander K’ya Vlaasto, who gave me a tour of her enormous spacecraft during the party.  “There was no holiday similar to Mother’s Day back on our home world, so when we learned about it here, in our adopted home, we knew we wanted to embrace it.   Arkavians celebrate it as if it were akin to our Great Feast to the Volcano God, who is the creator of all life on our planet.”

AliensOnce the Arkavians made a big deal out of Mother’s Day, all the other Alien races in Maine followed their lead.  This is the first year, however, that the Mothership has been open to humans for the big day.

“We just felt it was right,” Commander K’ya told me.  “Mainers have accepted us like we were born here, rather than treating us like we were from away.  You have opened your world to us, so we wanted to return the favor and invite your mothers into the closest thing we have to our original home.

Modern Philosophers, this was quite the party.  Tens of thousands of women were gathered in the giant Grand Hall of the Mothership, which was tastefully decorated in pinks and purples, which just so happen to be the colors of the Arvakian Rebellion.  There must have been close to a quarter of a million balloons, enough crepe paper to decorate 5,000 proms, and more flowers than any botanical garden could ever hold.

party womenAnd the Maine Moms were having an amazing time.  The music was pumping, women were dancing, and everyone had a drink and a smile.

“We have figured out how to use Alien technology to make stronger, tastier alcohol that has none of the lingering after effects humans are used to,” Commander K’ya volunteered as she handed me the best Margarita I’d ever tasted.  “Drink as many as you want because I guarantee there will be no hangover in the morning.”

Aliens are awesome!

This party promises to rage long into the night, but I wanted to file this story now and turn my attention to enjoying the fun while personally wishing a Happy Mother’s Day to every Maine Mom aboard this massive ship.

So even though I don’t have a Mom with whom to celebrate this holiday tomorrow, right now, I feel like every Mom in Maine thinks of me as her son.  What a wonderful feeling…

Happy Mother’s Day!


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to Maine Moms Celebrate Big Day Aboard Alien Mothership

  1. Too bad they didn’t stop in Wisconsin!

    • Austin says:

      Well, they feel so safe and secure here in Maine. Who knows what would happen if they flew over the airspace of any other state…

  2. amb says:

    I’m so jealous of your hangover-free margarita! Greatest use of advanced alien technology EVER

    • Austin says:

      For now. They are working on bigger and better things. If you go back to my Christmas posts, you’ll discover that Alien technology was used to reveal that Grandma wasn’t really run over by a reindeer while walking home on Christmas Eve… 🙂

  3. EagleAye says:

    So I guess it’s not only Mars that needs Moms, eh?

  4. LucyJartz says:

    I have an awesome Aunt, who says I was a brat when I was little but still loves me, does that count?

  5. ksbeth says:

    you are wrong, you do have a mother, she just happens to be, like mine, no longer alive, except in our memories. happy mothers day to all those who are mothers, have mothers, and came from mothers )

  6. Toni Slate says:

    Reblogged this on snoozeyalose and commented:
    Wow! Koool!!! Thanks for sharing.

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