Bangor Witches Burned A Steak; Misread Tweet Angers & Horrifies Many

witch fireI thought it was going to be a slow news day, Modern Philosophers, so when I heard fire engines nearby, I decided to investigate.  I had nothing to write about for the blog, and I figured a piece about the brave men and women of the Bangor Fire Department might be something to interest you today.

I arrived on the scene to discover that two engines had responded to what was nothing more than a small backyard fire.  Several Witches had gathered for lunch, decided to grill some steaks, and then went off to gossip.  One of the steaks caught fire, the Witches tried to use magic to douse the flames, but all the spells interacted, and they soon had a small inferno on their hands.

SteakThe firefighters quickly had the situation under control, lectured the Witches on why they should never leave an open flame unattended, and then restarted the grill for them.  The Witches were embarrassed and thankful, so they invited their heroes and this Modern Philosopher to stay for lunch.  The steaks were grilled perfectly, and it was quite delicious.

I innocently sent out the following Tweet about my lunch: “Bangor Witches burned a steak; good time had by all”.  Then I went about interviewing the firefighters for the article I intended to write for the blog.

When I got home and checked my Twitter feed, however, I discovered it was blowing up with comments such as:  “They still burn Witches in Maine?”, “Someone needs to tell Maine this ain’t the 17th Century!”, “Burned at the stake and u r having good time? A-hole!”, “Burn baby burn Witches inferno!”, “Maine is wicked backwards!”

witchesIt took a lot of tweeting to explain that I had typed “Burned a steak” and not “Burned at stake”.  American schools really need to work on reading comprehension and spelling skills.

Once everything had been clarified and the Twitter World had settled down, I walked over to my favorite Witch Bar, Three Toads and a Wicked Lady, to share the tale with my Witch pals.

They all got a wild cackle out of it, and I didn’t have to pay for a drink all afternoon.  Of course, we did observe a moment of silence for those who had actually been burned at the stake during a darker, more close-minded time.  Then we returned to laughing and celebrating that the world, and especially Maine, is a much better places for Witches and all Otherworldly Beings.

Here’s a toast for all to enjoy: “May we forever continue to move forward because we left the past behind for a reason!”

And before you freak out on Twitter, make sure you re-read the Tweet that set you off…

 

 

 

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Bangor Witches Burned A Steak; Misread Tweet Angers & Horrifies Many

  1. Agreed.
    Read at least twice and count to ten before tweeting in anger.
    Can’t stop the twitter of a tweet once sent.

  2. pamtanzey says:

    You have the most exciting neighborhood!

  3. “Of course, we did observe a moment of silence for those who had actually been burned at the stake during a darker, more close-minded time. Then we returned to laughing and celebrating that the world, and especially Maine, is a much better places for Witches and all Otherworldly Beings.” — I’ll raise a glass to that!

  4. Catherine Johnson says:

    Too funny! I always did think it was unfair that if you weren’t a witch you drowned in everyone finding out you couldn’t survive the dunking. Thank goodness there’s nothing like that now to prove innocence.

  5. fibot says:

    Once again you make me laugh out loud. Forever in your debt for all of your amusing posts!!!

  6. Jet Eliot says:

    Enjoyed this, thank you.

  7. LMAO! Love the playful little dig at one of my personal pet peeves.

  8. Drops of Ink says:

    I always like a good twittering. 😛

  9. mvobsession says:

    So glad you found my blog which led me to yours…. I’m enjoying it immensely.
    I have relatives in Maine who like steak, wonder if any of them were involved 🙂

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