Study Shows 63% of Spelling Bees Take Place on Wens…I Mean…Wednesdays

Spelling BeeA new poll released today by the Government Office of Official Polling (GOOP) revealed that over sixty percent of all spelling bees held in America take place on the day of the week that is most often spelled incorrectly.

While this Modern Philosopher still enjoys the memory of winning the seventh grade spelling bee by spelling “silhouette” correctly (how the heck did I know there was an “h” in there???), I cannot remember if that triumph took place on a Wednesday.

More importantly, though, why is there an entity known as “GOOP”, and how much of my tax dollars go towards funding this organization?  If my toga had sleeves, I would’ve rolled them up and immediately gotten to work investigating.

GOOPTurns out that GOOP was founded in 1977 by President Jimmy Carter (does it surprise anyone that the Democrats are to blame for this?) because little Amy Carter was a huge fan of polling.  Fine.  So what’s the deal with this new study about Spelling Bees and the days of the week?

“I’m really glad you called, Austin,” Sarah Adams, the GOOP Leader (her real title!) told me when I called GOOP Headquarters.  “The phone only usually rings when it’s a wrong number, so it was a thrill to get someone on the phone who really wanted to reach us.”

What exactly does GOOP do?  “We are the official polling agency of the US Government,” Adams explained, “but with all the other major polling organizations out there, and anyone able to conduct a poll online and through social media, people seem to have forgotten that we’re here.”

Happy Wed“We do a lot of independent polling, and then announce the results of our findings to justify our continuing to receive paychecks,” she admitted sheepishly.  “Truth be told, one of our interns came up with the Spelling Bee idea, and then we thought it would be cool if  we could prove that they were mostly held on Wednesdays.  Nerd humor, I know, but it’s a Government job and has awesome benefits, so we do what we can to keep it.”

This agency even has interns?  Sounds like government waste at its worst.  “We did conduct a poll asking if people thought this office was unnecessary and a waste of tax dollars,” Adams told me smugly.  “According to my pollsters, the results were that America is 100% in favor of keeping us up and running.”

Why do I think that the margin of error on GOOP’s work might be right around 100%?

What do you think, Modern Philosophers?  Should President Obama cut programs like GOOP, or allow blatant government waste like this to continue?  Have you ever received a call about a very odd topic and wondered who had commissioned the poll?  Do you think that the Calendar Commission should consider an easier, alternate spelling for Wednesday?

I look forward to your comments.  I will be checking them for spelling errors…


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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24 Responses to Study Shows 63% of Spelling Bees Take Place on Wens…I Mean…Wednesdays

  1. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:

  2. If there’s too many cuts then you get plenty of “OOPs”. On the other hand, keep bailing out tragically flawed businesses and all you wind up with is “GOOOOOOO” all over the place. Other than that, when it comes to spelling, I never know witch one is rite!

  3. Sorry Austin, do you mean “read” or “red”…which is it? Be careful with that toga, if it’s too long you mind wind up with toegoo, not to be confused with tofoo.

  4. queenlorene says:

    I looked up Wednesday and it is named after the god Mercury, although most nations have part of his name in the word. Not sure if the dude was into spelling? But Mercury was the god of messages, eloquence and trade. The first two are suggestive….Other connotations were a day of woe and wind. Possibly suggestive depending on your view: since only one wins, the woe is greatly visited on all other contestents and groupies, and a windbag is someone who brings out their lofty words and messages and says them in the most pedantic manner. Sounds a bit spelling-beeishish, eh?

    • Austin says:

      Why not just call it Mercday then? Easier to spell. Thanks for doing all that research for the blog… 🙂

      • queenlorene says:

        The day namers just weren’t as creative as you were! Most came from gods and goddlesses or stuff like sun-day (sun), Monday (moon) etc. I found this interesting and needed a reminder! You could add a part two to this post and have a commission “re-wording” the names of the week 🙂

      • Austin says:

        Austinday, Austinday, Austinday… 😉

      • queenlorene says:

        No, YOU wouldn’t. It would be all your 7 favorite cutsy names for the Girl Who Deserves Her Own Names For All Eternity. Perhaps the post could be that YOU receive the great honor of re-naming the days of the week. Could be great fun for the writer and reader…..but if you choose to be Austin-cystic, then I like Austin re-spells a heck of a lot better than what we have now. Although Wed should be “Spelling Bee Day”

      • Austin says:

        The Girl Who Brings Sunshine To All My Days would be embarrassed if I renamed the days of the week after her. She is as shy as she is sweet and beautiful… 🙂

      • queenlorene says:

        Not even your own private calendar that you could send to her with special day names and fantasy dates and events? Come on Mr Romance… with it!

      • Austin says:

        I shall give it some Deep Thought…

      • queenlorene says:

        If you would ever consider this then DELETE this stream immediately or She will See.

  5. Ashana M says:

    I think I would need to know a few more facts about their data: what their sample size is, how they collect samples, what the confidence interval is, and how significant their findings typically are. 🙂

    And maybe we should all just move to a country where they still enunciate the first “d” of Wednesday. It would make spelling easier on all of us.

  6. LucyJartz says:

    I always sound out the syllables Wed-nes-day (in my head but my lips sometimes move) to get the spelling right almost all of the time. Although it sometimes comes out Wed-ness-day.

  7. Catherine Johnson says:

    Goo funny! What a huge waste of money.

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