Maine Vegans Endorse Mayor McCheese For Governor

Mayor_McCheeseMemorial Day Weekend just became much more memorable for Mayor McCheese, the frontrunner to challenge Governor Paul LePage in the upcoming Maine Gubernatorial Election.

The Maine Vegan Partnership (MVP) announced that it would endorse Candidate McCheese, and promised the full support of its membership in the fight to get him elected the next Governor of Maine.

This Modern Philosopher was shocked by the news at first, but then Zeus, Father of the Greek Gods and McCheese’s campaign manager, explained it to me.  “Austin, just because MC has a giant cheeseburger for a head doesn’t mean he’s not a Vegan.  Do you really think he’d eat meat?  If he did, it would make him a cannibal.”

I’d never thought about it that way.  Every day is an opportunity to learn something new.  “I’ve been on a full Vegan diet for years ever since my doctor recommended it to me,” Mayor McCheese explained to me later.  “I know everyone just assumes I only eat McDonald’s products, but I’m merely an employee of that company, and I can’t help that I was born with a cheeseburger for a head.  I am very grateful to the Maine Vegan Partnership for its support.”

VeganI tried to reach Governor LePage for a comment, but his staff told me that he had left the office yesterday for his annual statewide Memorial Day Weekend Barbecue Crawl.  “The Governor hopes to eat double his weight in meat this weekend,” a staff member told me excitedly.  “We have the Guinness people on speed dial in hopes he succeeds.  Fingers crossed!”

Maine isn’t exactly the healthiest state in the Union, so the sad truth is that LePage’s “all the meat you can eat” weekend might very well lead to his gaining voter support.

It looks like the two leading candidates in the Maine Gubernatorial Race are both having wonderful Memorial Day Weekends.  Clearly, one’s weekend is a heck of a lot healthier than the other’s.

But who am I to judge?  Oh right, I do get to judge.  On Election Day.

Happy Memorial Day Weekend!

Remember, you can follow me on Twitter now @Austin_Hodgens.  There’s even a convenient button over there on the right side of the page that allows you to follow me in an instant.  Remember, it’s only stalking if I press charges…

 

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Maine Vegans Endorse Mayor McCheese For Governor

  1. Joel says:

    Very funny. I never suspected this of the good Mayor!

  2. I hear McCheese has ties to organized crime. They’re the Fry Goodfellas, or as the McDonald’s spokespeople would have you believe merely the “Fry Guys.”

    • Austin says:

      McCheese is clean. It’s the current governor who’s questionable…

      • Mayors… Governors… they’re all questionable, Austin. He’ll get his buns steamed by a RICO hearing one of these days.

        So, why the glowing press for the Big Cheese? Did Grimace put you up to this or was it the Hamburglar? You can tell us, Austin. We’re your friends. 😉

      • Austin says:

        I’m a huge non-fan of Governor LePage, so I’m eager to back another candidate to get him the hell out of office. McCheese has a great platform and he really seems to understand the unique beings in Maine.

  3. Perhaps… though you should be advised that McDonaldland is full of smooth operators. There’s a reason Birdie is always the “Early Bird.”.

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