As Maine’s Cemeteries Near Capacity, Governor Floats Idea Of Burials At Sea

If you’re a Mainer who doesn’t have any intention of dying soon, I hope you’re a fan of the ocean.  The Society of Maine Undertakers and Gravediggers recently informed Governor LePage that the state is running out of space in its cemeteries.

While pundits have been bickering about how the state should deal with the problem, this Modern Philosopher has learned that Maine’s unpopular Governor has decided to present a plan that would make it mandatory for all future burials to be held at sea.

“Governor LePage has weighed several options,” my source in Augusta told me earlier, “and burial at sea seems like the best one.  There’s plenty of ocean out there, and there hasn’t been a shark spotted off the coast of Maine in decades, so we don’t have to worry about our loved ones being eaten.”

I found it very hard to believe that burial at sea was the best option, so I pushed my source to reveal more of the thinking behind this one.  “You know how the Governor is, Austin.  He gets an idea in his head and runs with it.  Just between us, my theory is that the more unpopular he thinks something will be with voters, the more likely he is to push for it.”

With thinking like that, it’s no wonder people are already assuming that Mayor McCheese will defeat Governor LePage in the upcoming election.

“We did offer him other choices,” my source continued.  “We briefly discussed invading Canada and clearing whatever land we conquered for cemeteries, but President Obama laughed when the Governor called and requested troops and permission to invade.”

“We also talked about storing bodies in walk in freezers like they have in restaurants and butcher shops, but we couldn’t get enough establishments to donate freezer space.  Another popular idea was burning the bodies, but the tree huggers didn’t like what that would do to the environment.   My personal favorite was to toss the bodies into the North Woods for the Zombies to eat.  Believe it or not, the Governor shot that one down because he’s very fat and had nightmares about dozens of Z0mbies feasting on him for days.”

After I heard those others ideas, the whole burial at sea concept didn’t sound that terrible.  I suppose if it was done like a Viking funeral, it could be extremely touching, romantic, and a fitting goodbye to a loved one.  Such a send off could actually make a funeral a happy occasion with the deceased being remembered as a heroic warrior, who left the world in a more epic manner than being dumped in a hole and covered with dirt.

I contacted Zeus, Mayor McCheese’s campaign manager, for his candidate’s thoughts on the Governor’s proposal.  Zeus told me that the Mayor did not have a comment at this time, but would be issuing an idea of his own in the coming days.

What do you think, Modern Philosophers?  What should we do with our dead once the cemeteries no longer have any vacancies?  How would you feel about burial at sea?  Are you hoping that you’ll live long enough so that being shot out into space is an option?

I’m looking forward to reading your comments (I know you thought I was going to say I was dying to read them, but I tricked you!)…