What If Darth Vader Had Been My Father?

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, Luke Skywalker found out, in not the greatest of ways, that he should have been buying Father’s Day gifts all along.

Sometimes, when I can’t sleep, I sit up in bed and wonder how I would react if Darth Vader told me he was my Dad (not really, but let’s just pretend this is true for the sake of a fun Father’s Day blog post).

My gut reaction is that I wouldn’t react very well to the news.  I’ve lived my whole life thinking that my father was a sweet, mild mannered banker who just made a bad choice in picking a second wife after the death of my Mom.  I like being Austin, Jr. and I’d hate to be told I suddenly had to go by some weird, old school space name.

I’d be pissed to discover that my life was a lie, that I was really adopted, and that of all the places in the universe I could’ve been hidden, it was decided to place me with a middle class family in the Milky Way Galaxy.  Was that the best the Jedi Relocation Program had to offer?  That would help explain why the Jedi were almost entirely wiped out, though.

I would certainly be upset to learn that my father was an evil, power hungry, half-machine, right hand man to the most horrible dictator history has ever known.  I undoubtedly would want to pick up a light saber and attack him, because I’d be so enraged that no one had bothered to teach me all the cool Jedi stuff when I was a kid getting picked on at school every day.

Of course, there’s a part of me that would think it pretty cool to be Darth Vader’s son.  I would be a Jedi, albeit a late blooming one.  The family business, while having an evil bent to it, would mean for a cushier lifestyle and lots of travel, and there would always be that chance that I could use my way with words to convince Papa Vader to overthrow the Emperor and put me next in line to rule the galaxy.  Of course, I’d only do that if Darth Dad promised to become good again.  I’m definitely a good guy even if my father is the baddest of the bad.

It would be fun to live in the Death Star and have all those stormtroopers salute the boss’ kid any time this Modern Philosopher passed in the hall.  And a Jedi’s robe would be just as comfy, if not more so, than my usual toga.  Plus, I’d love to be able to fly a Star Destroyer and a Tie Fighter, and who better to teach me than Vader?

In the end, I think it would all come down to whether or not Darth Vader would be willing to give up his evil ways and take the time to get to know me and make up for all the lost years.  I miss my Dad very much, so it would be nice to have another shot at having a father.  However, if he’s totally consumed with crushing the Rebellion, blowing up planets, and being the Emperor’s little bitch boy, then I would want nothing to do with him.  I’d tell him I was not the son he was looking for, and ask him to kindly go back to being far, far away.

Truth be told, I’m grateful that I never have to deal with this situation.  As a Star Wars fan, it would’ve been tempting to suddenly be part of the story.  Then again, I’d hate to see how my new Dad might react if he didn’t like the ugly tie I got him for Father’s Day…

Happy Father’s Day.  May the Force be with you!