Is That MacGyver In A Toga?

MacGyverOnce upon a time, there was a Modern Philosopher who ate so much at a barbecue that he wanted to turn his toga into a hammock and nap away the rest of his day…

As I mentioned in this morning’s bonus post (how excited were you to find that little surprise all beautifully wrapped and waiting under your blog tree???), today was our first office barbecue in the new building.  One of the reasons we had this little rager was because there are now four departments under one roof, and the higher ups want us all to play nice and get along.  What better way to play, than with fire???

While I’d love to report that everything went smoothly, we had a few…hiccups would be a polite, non-swearing way of putting it…along the way.

I used to do all the shopping with The Girl Who Lights My Grill, but since she is off at school, I delegated that job to someone else.  I hate shopping, and it was only fun when I had my gorgeous shopping partner along holding my hand, sneaking kisses in the aisles, and turning a trip to the store into a date.

As I was getting the hot dogs and burgers out of the fridge this morning, I realized that we  were ridiculously low on meat for feeding 90 people.  It turned out our friends in the other department forgot to buy their share of the food.  We quickly remedied that by sending some folks off to the grocery store with a wad of cash, and a back up plan of raiding local farms for livestock if it came down to it.

burgersThe main problem, however, was that one of the grills would not work properly.  Only one of the burners would light, and we couldn’t get the temperature above 200 degrees.  That meant we had just one grill and half an hour to cook enough food for 90 starving people.   I’ve heard the first ones they cannibalize in situations like this are the cooks, so I had to figure out a way to fix this pronto.  I tracked down one of the Facilities guys, and he took a look at the grill.

He couldn’t fix our problem, and when he was done, even the middle burner wasn’t working.  Ironically, the other grill had flames burning so high that it looked like I had stumbled into the home of my frequent house guest, The Devil.  We realized the wall of flames was caused by the cheap burgers (75% grade.  Yikes!) my new meat shopper had purchased.  There was so much grease coming off the patties and dripping down onto the flames that it was like feeding steroids to the fire.

toga heroThat was when I had my MacGyver Moment.  We managed to get the middle burner going on the busted grill, and then I placed three of the “fuel burger patties” directly over the fire and closed the lid.  After a couple of minutes and all the grease dripping onto the flames, the temperature inside the grill was approaching 400 degrees!  We kept feeding the grill fuel patties and were able to cook on it despite being down two burners.

I was a hero!  The day was saved.  The masses were fed, I was not eaten, and all was well in the world.

All in all, it was a wonderful barbecue.

Of course, I’ve been in a food induced coma ever since, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  The afternoon passes by in a blur when one is half asleep.

If anyone needs help fixing a grill, let me know, and I’ll get you the information on those fuel burgers that we used on ours.  Okay, nap time…

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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8 Responses to Is That MacGyver In A Toga?

  1. You are the man. Like the caveman who first harnessed fire… only better… and with a blog…

  2. Back in King Arthur’s time, they were forced to eat Sir Robin the Not-Quite-So-Brave-As-Sir-Lancelot’s minstrels. Was there even more rejoicing this time around?

  3. kokkieh says:

    In South Africa we prefer to BBQ on charcoal fires (except we call it “braai”) and over here the fuel source of choice is cheap sausage (called “wors”) – we’re talking 80% fat – to give that fire the extra kick it needs. One usually “braais” close to a big body of water, like a swimming pool, or else with a high quality fire extinguisher nearby.

    • Austin says:

      That is funny. Thanks for the insight from your side of the world. Enjoy your next braai! 🙂

      • kokkieh says:

        Oh, and we do them mid-winter as well. We’re like the US Post Office that way – rain, snow, sleet, etc.

      • Austin says:

        My grill is out on my covered front porch, so I could grill mid-winter if I wanted I suppose. It’s just gets so damn cold in Maine during those months. Thank goodness it’s summer!!!

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