Maine Governor Paul LePage is quick to admit that he has never read “Under the Dome”, Stephen King’s 2009 novel about a fictional Maine town that is cut off from the rest of the world after it is enclosed within a mysterious dome, which materializes without warning.
He has, however, watched the first two episodes of the CBS miniseries based upon the novel, and was apparently extremely moved by what he saw. Last night, Governor LePage signed a law which makes it illegal for any party “to enclose, encase or entrap any town, city, or organized area of the state of Maine within a dome”.
LePage made it clear that any party responsible for the doming, be it human or Otherworldly, would be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. It is unclear what that penalty would be, but sources inside the Law Enforcement Community tell this Modern Philosopher that the minimum sentence for doming is 5-8 years in prison.
I called Governor LePage’s office several times to request an interview with the elusive politician, but once again, he refused to speak to me. Instead, I got to speak to Regan McGlintey, one of LePage’s top deflectors aka his spokesperson.
“Governor LePage was very upset during the first commercial break of the first episode of Under the Dome,” Regan told me. “He called all his top aides to his home and demanded that someone find Chester’s Mill on a map for him because he had been unable to locate it himself. He then wanted the National Guard mobilized, and ordered the head of the State Police to send all available officers to Chester’s Mill. The Governor was about to call The White House and ask to speak to the President when I finally got through to him that Chester’s Mill wasn’t real and that he was watching a TV show, not the news.”
Sounds like a typical Governor LePage moment. What happened next? “Once we got the Governor settled down, he demanded that Stephen King be brought to him immediately so that he could chastise him for writing the book and wishing such horrible things on the good people of Maine. He swore that he was going to have Mr. King banished from Maine for life. Luckily, an aide arrived at that point with some burgers for the Governor, and he went off to devour them. By the time he had returned, he was no longer interested in banning Maine’s most famous author from the state.”
According to his spokesperson, LePage had horrible dreams for the next week and became obsessed with looking towards the heavens to see if a dome was about to be dropped on Augusta. After watching the second episode of Under the Dome, the Governor decided he had to act.
“He didn’t want to go down in the history books as the Governor who wasn’t prepared when the dome came down for real,” Regan confided to this Modern Philosopher. “Since we all know we’re out of a job come the next election, no one spoke up to stop him. We just let him fight for his pet project and push through the law. Truth be told, we knew he couldn’t do any harm by passing it, and it made out lives easier to have him consumed with something that wouldn’t do harm to the people of Maine.”
Those of you who are long time followers of the blog might recall a post I wrote about Stephen King agreeing to donate the money to have a retractable dome erected over the entire state to protect it from Winter weather. I was curious if this new law meant the end of that project.
Regan chuckled. “Governor LePage won’t be in office long enough to keep Stephen King from having that dome built. I’m sure Governor McCheese will see that it gets made.”
What do you think, Modern Philosophers? Is Governor LePage being proactive by passing this new law? Or is he wasting his time because if someone had the resources to put a dome over a town, that person probably wouldn’t be afraid of a little jail time? Would such a law make you feel safer, or would it make you immediately want to impeach your Governor?