Maine’s First School Of Magic Now Closer To Being A Reality

Cape NeddickMaine Governor Paul LePage, who has long said he would do everything in his power to prevent a School of Magic from opening in the state, has made an abrupt about face and is ready to support the idea.

LePage’s spokesperson told this Modern Philosopher that the Governor realized that “such a place of higher learning would be a boon to Maine’s economy”.  While some want to believe the change in heart was because LePage had the best interest of the people of Maine in mind, most see this as a desperate attempt by the Governor to win over the Otherworldly Being vote before Election Day.

the_flying_monkeysMultiple sources tell me that what really happened was that several Flying Monkeys snatched LePage from him office and whisked him off to an unknown location for a discussion with individuals who were very supportive of the school’s opening.

Whatever the reason for his change of heart, Maine is much closer to opening America’s first establishment for the teaching of Magic and Witchcraft.

It makes perfect sense that such a school would be located in Maine given the state’s high population of Otherworldly Beings.  This Modern Philosopher has been assured that enrollment will not be limited to humans, and that a good percentage of the faculty will also be non-human.

Hogwarts“Our campus will not be located at an ancient castle and fortress like Hogwarts,” my dear friend Waltzing Matilda explained to me as she showed me various sites under consideration for the school (the picture at the beginning of this article is my favorite).  “What we have working in our favor, however, is that our establishment will not need to be hidden from the general public.  Our school will be out in the open, we will advertise to the masses, and anyone is welcome to apply.”

Waltzing MatildaThe school’s board of governors and financial backers, which include Stephen King, are determined to lure the cream of the cauldron to teach at the school.  While she did not want to discuss it, I have had several reliable sources confirm that Waltzing Matilda is the board’s top choice to serve as the school’s first Headmistress.

“It is unclear what age range the school will serve,” Matilda quickly changed the subject,”but we are not looking to be just a cheap American knock off of the well established European versions of such institutions.  We foresee this facility to be the Magic equivalent of Yale, Harvard or NYU.  Our students will be very well-rounded, with general education courses, foreign languages, etc mixed in with the regular Magic curriculum.  I made it clear that I want there to be a focus on History seeing as how New England and Witches have quite a tumultuous past.”

Witch SpellAnother good friend of the blog, Volcanica Ivy, met with me to discuss her vision for the school.  “I’m very excited, Austin, to have been asked to serve on the school’s advisory board, and I’ve made it clear that I want to be on the faculty,” Volcanica said excitedly.  “I pulled Waltzing Matilda aside and volunteered to teach P.E. if that was all that was available because that’s how passionate I am about bringing such an institute of higher learning to my native Maine.”

Something tells me that Maine’s newest celebrity isn’t going to have to beg for a job, or settle for supervising dodge ball games.  Matilda all but confirmed that Volcanica is on te short list to be a Department Head.

Neither Witch would comment on whether or not she was present at the meeting to which Governor LePage was brought by the Flying Monkeys.  My Modern Philosopher instincts tell me, however, that they were both there.

So what would opening a School of Magic mean not only for Maine, but for the country as a whole?  Volcanica was happy to handle that query.  “If America embraces this sort of education, it would mean that Magic and Witchcraft has finally become an accepted part of the mainstream.  Witches in the 49 states other than Maine would no longer have to live in fear, or keep their true identities a secret.  Maine will establish that it is the most forward thinking state in the Union, and the secret would finally be out that humans are not alone in this world.”

Here’s hoping that classes will be in session soon…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Maine’s First School Of Magic Now Closer To Being A Reality

  1. If they do and episode of “Cribs”, they can say, “This is where the magic happens” in every room they walk into.

  2. Perfect! I’ll just buy a starter pack, and learn Magic in no time. I missed the bus back in high school, as I was really weird about anything competitive. Wait. You’re not talking about the card game, are you?

  3. 1wanderingtruthseeker says:

    school board politics! it’s everywhere.

  4. Hilarious! We need those monkeys to work on our governor in TN.

  5. ksbeth says:

    Lucky your NYU blows those other slacker schools you listed out of the water.

  6. Actually, Salem might be a better location, giving a kind ‘poetic justice’ ring to it, don’t you think? 😉

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