Shark Attack In Maine Bar Jeopardizes Summer Tourism

sharkThe Maine Tourism Board is operating at Code Red status today after reports of a shark attack  in a local bar has left the rest of this Summer’s Tourism business in series jeopardy.

Linda and Allen Shapero of Richmond, VA were enjoying a drink in a quaint Bar Harbor establishment when the attack took place.

“We were just sitting at our table, minding our own business after an amazing day in Bar Harbor, when the shark came over and shoved my husband in the shoulder,” Linda explained as she dabbed at the tears in her eyes.  “Allen is not a violent man, and he did nothing to instigate the shark’s attack.”

coupleEye witnesses agree with Linda’s version of events.  Apparently, two Great White Sharks had been sitting at the bar most of the afternoon, drinking Rum and Cokes, and watching the Red Sox game.

“We’ve come to Maine every Summer for the past eight years,” Allen picked up the story and pointed at his black eye and bandaged nose.  “Never before had we had anything other than the most wonderful time.  We’d never seen a shark, let alone been attacked by one.”

Multiple witness accounts reveal that Allen tried to ignore the shark, but that only made the Great White more belligerent.  The shark then accused the man of giving him dirty looks all afternoon (which would’ve been impossible since Allen’s back was to the bar where the sharks were seated), and when Allen asked the shark to leave, the beast sucker punched him.

bar closed“I screamed when the first punch landed,” Linda told me through the tears.  “I could hear his nose break.  And then the shark kept coming, he never stopped moving, he just wailed away on my poor husband.”

It took several patrons and members of the bar’s staff to wrestle the shark off of his victim.  Police, as well as Maine Wildlife and Fisheries Agents, were called to the scene.  The bar has seen been closed and will remain so until authorities are convinced there will be no more shark attacks.

“All I wanted was another quiet, relaxing, and magical vacation in Maine,” Allen lamented as he touched his bruised jaw.  “This certainly was not what we expected.

maine tourismThe Maine Tourism Board is working with state and local authorities to makes sure this shark attack was an isolated incident.  This Modern Philosopher has been assured that the bar will be re-opened tomorrow and it will be made clear that Maine does not have a shark problem.

“I assure you, all is well,” Captain Quint of the Bar Harbor Police Dept gave me his word.

Let’s hope he’s right.  Maine needs its Summer Tourists, and those Tourists need Maine!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

38 Responses to Shark Attack In Maine Bar Jeopardizes Summer Tourism

  1. Kate Lester says:

    It just takes one rude shark to ruin everything, doesn’t it?

  2. 1wanderingtruthseeker says:

    Next it will be the Baracudas

  3. This just gives other sharks a bad name. A few bad apples spoil the bunch.

  4. mudlips says:

    I’ve witnessed cougar attacks in bars but never a shark attack – whoa! Let’s hope it’s an isolated incident.

  5. Fine! As long as this does not put “Shark Week” in any danger.

  6. You are right. It would have hurt a lot worse if he would have been hit by a hammered hammerhead shark.
    Your friend Michelle is brilliant—Naming her company “SoulShine Soap Co.” and then putting “Clean up your act” on the soap. Very witty!!!

  7. ksbeth says:

    he must have been in the wrong bar, he was a pissed off card shark without a game to join. i’ll check out the soap too, it looks great )

    • Austin says:

      Thanks. Michelle seems to be quite pleased with the response she’s gotten from her fellow Modern Philosophers. It was fun helping her get the word out about her company! 😀

  8. themofman says:

    I tell you, all of those sharks are the same. Always up to no good!

  9. Renchick says:

    Bullies! Maybe if we import these bully sharks to WI they will take care of our ill-tempered musky problem 😉

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