Maine Disqualified From Little League World Series Due To Non-Human Players

LL ActionSad news in Maine today, Modern Philosophers.  Maine’s Little League Champions, a team made up of All Stars from District 9, have been disqualified from playing in the Little Little World Series due to a technicality.

“It has been brought to our attention that a majority of the players on the team from Maine are…ummm…not human,” Little League spokesman Ty Bridges told this Modern Philosopher.  “Some of the other teams protested, so we had to dig through the rulebook and there is a rule stating that all players must be human.”

I had no idea that Little League Baseball promoted discrimination!  “It’s not about discrimination,” Bridges tried to explain.  “The other teams think Maine has an unfair advantage seeing as how their team is…ummm…different.”

LLWSWhile it’s true that the players on the Maine team are mostly Aliens, Wizards, Vampires, and Ghosts, they are all residents of the state and they all fall within the age guidelines set up by Little League Baseball.  So don’t these players deserve a chance?

“It is not that I don’t think they deserve a chance, it’s just that the players on my team are scared to death to get on a field with them,” admitted the Coach of the Latin American team.  “We are raised to be very superstitious, and your players are the things that give my players nightmares.”

This Modern Philosopher had to respect that coach for coming forward and speaking about the cultural differences that might have played a part in this decision.  That doesn’t, however, make Maine’s District 9 Lumberjacks feel any better.

LLWS Logo“Ever since we moved to Earth and I first saw a baseball game, I have dreamed of representing my new home in the Little League World Series,” Fl’ago-Tra, Maine’s star shortstop, team captain, and Alien told this Modern Philosopher.

“This is going to haunt me forever,” Thaddeus Dinsmore, The Lumberjack’s best pitcher told me as he wiped away his tears.  “I died even before baseball was invented, so I never thought I’d get a chance to play in the Little League World Series.  It’s like I’m dying of the whooping cough all over again.”

Yes, Modern Philosophers, even Ghosts cry when their dreams are crushed.

So while we still wish the best for all the teams playing for the title in Williamsport, PA, this month, you’ll have to forgive the people of Maine if they don’t watch the tournament.

The most accepting state in America can’t understand why the country’s pastime isn’t a little more accepting.  Isn’t baseball supposed to bring us all together and help us forget that everyone’s a little different???



About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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13 Responses to Maine Disqualified From Little League World Series Due To Non-Human Players

  1. Kate Lester says:

    Exactly how old is the vampire shortstop?

  2. I think Thaddeus Dinsmore, who is already dead, should be given the opportunity to enjoy life. Baseball is America’s pastime, and Thaddeus is from the past, so he would be a perfect player.
    Now I know my vote doesn’t matter because I don’t live in Maine. But if I did, I would vote to let him and the others play in the Little League World Series.
    Baseball is supposed to be fun. When games becomes a matter of life and death, it creates division and strife. Then, it’s just not fun anymore. Under these circumstances, I would definitely understand if the people of Maine don’t watch the tournament.

  3. This. Is. Freakin. Awesome!!!!

  4. Of course I do not condone discrimination of any kind. 🙂

  5. iamfunny2 says:

    I would think other teams would have the advantage. Where can you play a ghost that can’t catch, the ball always goes right through his glove. Vampires are only available for night games. Aliens are slick fielders but not much with the bat and the wizards keep using the bat as a wand, changing the baseball into birds that fly away. If it flies over the left field fence is it a home run? Nobody seems to know. I call for instant replay.

    • Austin says:

      Well, your argument makes sense, but we’ll never know, will we? The Lumberjacks are home now, sad to have been turned away and their dreams dashed…

      • iamfunny2 says:

        yeah, I feel bad for the boys and err.. creatures, is that what we call them. I hope I didn’t just use a term I shouldn’t. Maybe they will get it worked out for next year. We could always start a petition and have others sign.

      • Austin says:

        They prefer to be called Otherworldly Beings. Perhaps next year, they will bypass the Little League World Series and participate in the Little League Universe Series instead…

  6. Austin says:

    Reblogged this on The Return of the Modern Philosopher and commented:

    It’s Little League World Series time again, so I thought I’d share this post from the archives. Hopefully, Maine’s team gets better treatment this year…

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