Zombie Car Dies Again; Beleaguered Blogger Bummed

funeralThe Zombie Car, that undead piece of automotive wonder that resides in the garage of The House on the Hill, died again today.  It was 21.  Its only survivor is The Modern Philosopher, the poor man in the oil soaked toga, that the Zombie Car has slowly been driving insane over the past 10 years…

It’s true, Modern Philosophers, the Zombie Car has struck again.  After a long day at work, my first one back after a very relaxing vacation, I discovered that my car was dead.  It had been perfectly fine on the drive to work, but I guess its little Zombie motor gave out during the day.  Time of death was some time between 8:30AM and 5:00PM.

FrankenteinIt was only last month that I took the Zombie Car into the mechanic’s after it died at the gas station.  Once again, they were able to reanimated it, so that it could trudge on down the streets of Maine.

That time, it was the battery.  Plus, they did some other work, which made Zombie Car run good as new over the past few weeks.

So imagine my dismay this afternoon when I discovered that it was dead yet again.  I should have AAA’s number memorized by now, and they shouldn’t need to ask me the make and model of Zombie Car every time I call.

Stress levels were through the roof.

After calling AAA, I called my mechanic and told him to prepare the laboratory for another session.  He told me to leave the keys in the door and pray for lightning.  I then called my friend Mad Mal, who volunteered to come get me or follow me home should Zombie Car just need a jump start (silly girl…Zombie Car needs brains!!!).

Then I stressed via text to The Girl Who Always Knows How To Calm Me But Doesn’t Share That Secret With Others until the tow truck arrived.  I didn’t take it as a good sign that the driver got lost on his way to me, but then again, I’m pretty sure that the harbinger of evil in this scenario was the dead car in the parking lot.

FlatlineThe tow truck guy determined that it wasn’t the battery or the fuel pump (which he tested by pounding on the car with a little mallet…was he checking its reflexes???).

He announced that the problem was a mystery to him, and he didn’t seem the type who would enjoy an explanation of The Zombie Car’s history, so I just asked him to tow it to my mechanic’s.

On the drive home, I wondered what I had done to deserve The Curse of The Zombie Car.  It hadn’t exhibited this bizarre behavior until I’d gotten it to Maine from California, so clearly this falls under the whole “Maine is Magic” clause.

ChristineI would prefer to have a car like the one imagined by my neighbor, Stephen King.  Christine was a car that kept coming to life.  What an exciting change that would be from a car that was forever dying.

I know the logical thing to do would be to go all Rick Grimes on Zombie Car and bury an axe in its engine block to put it out of its misery forever, but I can’t bring myself to do it.

Not only can I not afford to a new car, but I also wouldn’t want to face the wrath of other Zombie Cars.  At least now, I stay on Zombie Car’s good side by constantly bringing it back to life.  Wouldn’t want word to spread that I was a Zombie Car Killer.

So for now, I sit alone in the dining room of The House on the Hill and look out the window at the empty garage.  I try to quiet the voices in my head that want to talk about how much this is going to cost, and how it’s only going to happen again by thinking positive Deep Thoughts and writing about my angst.

What do you think, Modern Philosophers?  Any car aficionados out there who want to take a guess at what’s wrong with Zombie Car this time?  It sounds like it wants  to start, but can’t quite catch.  We know it’s not the battery, the fuel pump, or the flux capacitor.

Alive!Hopefully, I’ll get a call from the mechanic tomorrow telling me that Zombie Car has returned from the dead, and is ready to haunt the streets of Maine again.

If that doesn’t work, I think it’s time to start taking the Gargoyle to the office.

That’s going to be really miserable in the Winter, but at least it’s safer than having a handsome guy like me out there hitching a ride…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Zombie Car Dies Again; Beleaguered Blogger Bummed

  1. grannyK says:

    Ouch…been there a few times. I live in constant fear of car death. I hope it all works out for the best and very soon.

  2. ksbeth says:

    i’ve had many cars from hell in my time and i really have no clue, starter, clogged fuel filter, anything is possible? but i am happy to write you a haiku about it.

    austin’s car sure sucks
    it runs when it feels like it
    not when it doesn’t

  3. Drops of Ink says:

    Hope your zombie car comes back from the dead..

  4. You need to get it up to 88 mph to get the flux capacitor to work….

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